Gay men fawning over straight dancers

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There was a man named Dave in Atlanta at Swinging Richards who was in love with one of my favorite dancers, Charlie. Dave lived in Chicago, but he would fly in a couple times a month just to see Charlie. He was “in love” with Charlie, and wouldn’t talk to any of the other dancers. He wanted all Charlie’s attention, and he would get jealous when he’d watch Charlie give dances to other patrons.

To complicate the issue even more, Dave was married. The inconsistencies throughout this entire scenario almost make it a sitcom, except that I genuinely felt bad for Dave. I remember saying, “Dave, you’re paying for a fantasy, not a reality. Why don’t you try talking to one of the gay dancers?” His response: “I don’t want a gay man. I like only straight guys.”

That hurt. It really did. And it brought to the surface a problem in the gay community – don’t we get treated badly enough by straight people? Why do we treat each other even worse than “those people” do? Not much to say here: If you fawn over a straight dancer, you deserve the heartache you’ve paid for.

Strip club etiquette

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You’re feelin’ it – it’s the night you’ve been waitin’ for… ya gonna go out and see some hot men dance in their underwear (or something even less)… Hell, you might even be feelin’ a lap dance if one of the hotties inspires you. C’mon out to the club, baby – we’ll have a good time…

Here are 10 pointers to remember before you come up in the joint:

  • 1. Bring money: Clubs are businesses. Businesses are open to generate money. Dancers are employees. Ergo, employees need to get paid. You don’t necessarily have to break your bank – bring a $20 and change it out for $1’s and $5’s. Believe me, it’s much appreciated when patrons understand why they’re there. Oh, and if you don’t bring money, please understand that you don’t get to chant along to Fergie’s “Glamorous” when it gets to the end (“And if you ain’t got no money take yo broke ass home!”). No really. You don’t get to chant along… it’s directed at YOU.
  • 2. Wear khakis or some other soft pants without sharp buttons, studs, and exposed stitching or zippers. You may very well end up getting a lap dance, and, for the dancer(s) you select, rubbing on blue jeans hurts.
  • 3. Drink responsibly. You are not going to do well in a strip club sloshed off your ass.
  • 4. Be polite to the entertainers. Regardless of what you think of dancers in general, everyone has a reason for being there, and it has little or nothing to do with your opinion. Treating entertainers poorly is not a good way to pump yourself up. Be respectful, especially if a dancer is kind to you. Report rudeness to the management. If you aren’t interested in a private dance when offered one, a simple, “no, thank you” will suffice. Avoid cocking eyebrows or making disgusted faces. It’s embarrassing and hurtful to many dancers. You’re at a strip club, and you got offered a lap dance – get over it. (see pointer #1 above)
  • 5. Exotic dancers are, with some exceptions, merely that. We are not paid to sleep with you, especially not for $20. This ain’t K-Mart, honey. (see pointer #4 above)
  • 6. Watch the performers. Turning your back on all the dancers to talk to your friends defeats the purpose of your coming to the club. (see pointers #1 and #4 above)
  • 7. Stalking is very not sexy. If your invitation to socialize outside the club is not readily accepted, simply acknowledge and move on.
  • 8. When you ask a dancer his name and he tells you, avoid responding with, “Is that your real name?” The dancer has told you his name.
  • 9. If you touch a dancer, TIP A DANCER. (see pointers #1 and #4 above)
  • 10. Cheering, although appreciated, does not replace audience participation. (see pointer #1 above)