Devon Hunter

There are thousands of types of touch. But, for me, they break down into three overarching categories: Subtractive, Neutral, and Additive. If you are going to be an entertainer, you have to be okay with being touched. It’s simply part of the job (unless you’re in one of those bizarre U.S. states where the dancer performs in the middle of a cage/stage with an enclosement of chicken wire that stands as a barracade five feet between the dancer and the patons - in those places the tips are passed through the spaces of the chicken wire, and the dancer can’t collect them until the patron steps back away from the barrier). However, it’s wise to understand that you’re going to need to find balance in being touched. The highest priority: Make sure that your personal boundaries and the laws for your area are both being respected. It’s important to note that your perception of the same touch will be different from moment to moment, depending on a host of circumstances.

Subtractive Touch

When you are touched in such a manner that it costs you more than the tip you are gaining, you are losing something within yourself. You will know Subtractive Touch almost immediately. It makes you feel uncomfortable, ashamed, distressed, or humiliated. Perhaps it causes you pain as well. Possibly worse: It makes you feel absolutely “nothing” (but not in a neutral manner). When all is said and done, Subtractive Touch makes you feel less than. I would guess that approximately 10 percent of the touching I experience in an average night is Subtractive. Some nights are better, others are worse. Generally, these touches get temporarily balanced out by the preponderance of Neutral Touch and the covalent Additive Touch. Real problems can come up pretty fast on the nights when this isn’t the case.

Neutral Touch

In a rough estimate, I would say 80 percent of the touches in an evening are Neutral: They do not please or offend me. They require only as much time and attention as the value of the tip they entail. And they are completed without any regret or celebration. They simply are what they are: A transaction. Here are your onion rings, that will be $1.79. The problem with Neutral Touch is that it is repetitive. It is connected to the largest part of your earnings, which is good, but it is also numbing, which is bad.

It is important to find ways to rejeuvenate your senses throughout your shift, so that you do not become zombie-like. Once at Swinging Richards a patron had his hand cupping my testicles for a good 60 seconds or more while we were talking about politics before I realized it was happening: “Your hand is on my balls.” “Yep.” “How long has it been there?” “Oh, nearing a minute, I suppose.” “Wow… You are going to tip me eventually, right?” (One of the stupidest dollars I ever earned. LOL… click dont-touch-those for a funny wav file: NOT SAFE FOR WORK) That’s a good example of what not to allow Neutral Touch to become. In most all instances, however, Neutral Touch is polite, discreet, respectful, and superficially flattering. It can teeter over into Negative if not properly managed.

Additive Touch

This is absolutely essential. You really must experience enough Additive Touch to completely balance the Subtractive and to enliven the Neutral. As with Subtractive, about 10 percent of the touch I experience in a shift makes me feel attractive, strong, genuinely appreciated, and complemented beyond simple flattery. It is important to note, however, that if you do not get enough restoration while at work, you really must find a means to get it from some other source.

I will admit it candidly: My feelings get hurt very easily. I am not thick-skinned. I need more than 10 percent Additive Touch to renew me. I also workout 2-4 times each week for 45-75 minutes/session. I don’t exercise alot, but I exercise intensely. These two issues together mean that I can reasonably “justify” a particular “splurge” that I am nearly absolutely committed to: I get a 60/120-minute massage once a week from my friend Ron, who has one of the most gifted healing touches I’ve ever experienced.

There are other types of Additive Touch. If you have a lover or someone whom you trust, let that person put hands on you in a non-sexual but intimate manner. Perhaps they will let you lay back, and will simply stroke your face with the backs of their fingers while you listen to soft music? Or maybe they put one hand over your heart and another over your navel with essential oils? It is important to allow yourself to experience this type of healing, so that your body/mind/heart/soul does not connect all physical contact to something sexual (which is completely inaccurate/inapproptiate in most instances outside of your shift).

Additive Touch puts gas in your tank, so to speak. It airs out your house. Think of whatever Additive Touch you get beyond work as a vitamin that nourishes you. If the hundreds or thousands of touches you experience in a week/weekend are the repetitions and sets you do at the gym, then the massage/friendly hand holding/hugs from Mom that you take in during the off hours is the supplement that feeds your system.

A final suggestion, for your Additive Touch therapy: When you do have sex, try to make it as organic (but safe), passionate, and emotionally invested (even if only temporarily) as possible. You don’t want to hurt someone else in the process of healing yourself, so if necessary make it clear that although the sex you are about to have may rupture the time-space continuum, it isn’t anything that it isn’t. You don’t want to lead someone down the wrong path if you aren’t feeling residually more than you are momentarily, but you also do not want your entire sexuality to devolve into a series of automatic, mechical actions. Live succulently!

Perhaps this isn’t the case where you live? But I’m working throughout Georgia, North Carolina, and South Carolina. I can speak only from my own experience…

I know several gorgeous dancers of color. Some are Latino, one is Asian, and the remaining are African American. Most of the Latinos do very well, and so does the Asian. I frequently hear complaints from those who are Black, or some mix thereof. I cannot speak for them or from their perspective, but what I can do is voice frustration for them. (If you are a Black dancer, or if you know one, please consider writing a blog entry for the site on this subject.)

Before I continue, let me say this: If you are one of my beautiful Black brothers in the art, you should consider very carefully the venues you choose. I know career dancers who are Black, and who do very well; however, until we as a culture mature enough to see beauty as it is, you are likely to run into a passive form of racism at predominantly White clubs (”I’m not racist. I’m just not attracted to Black guys.” Ergo, I won’t tip them.). It’s impossible to force people to budge on preference, so you’ll need a strategy in mind for placing yourself amongst people who will appreciate you. As a person of color I’m sure it is frustrating to be fetishized, but as a dancer/business man you have to perform where you can make the most money.

I’m trying to make an ugly truth known to a wider base of patrons. I go into this entry knowing that it is a minefield, especially since I’m from the South. But I am not trying to discourage anyone, and I am not trying to offend anyone (likely, that will happen whether I try or not). What I do want to do is bring attention to the fact that most Black dancers work hard. The sad truth is that it’s because they have to. I’ve seen it first hand far too much - the White dancers who just stand there like (poorly rendered and often arrogant) sculptures and get money literally thrown at them, while the Black dancers putting on a fucking show come off with a tiny fraction of the same… It’s not right.

I am not going to tell people whom they should fantasize about, nor am I going to lecture people about racism. Both tirades would be ridiculous at best. What I can do is remind patrons that everyone has bills to pay, and that everyone is hurt by rejection/invisibility/marginalization. Yes, you as a patron are there to exercise your right to dawdle over the dancers you like. But please consider the entertainment value of what you are seeing. Regardless of which dancers make you hot, are there any that simply command respect just because their skills are amazing? Would it kill you to tip a brotha for being off the chain?

One of the frustrations in this career is that what you make isn’t necessarily connected to how much you work out, whether or not you’re nice, and being a good performer. You are at the mercy of Whim. Whim is the god of moodswings. We aren’t rewarded or compensated on a regular, consistent basis for anything other than the benefiscence of Whim. Speaking as someone who has had bad nights and knows how frustrating they can be, please consider interacting not just with the dancers who make you think “Mmmm!,” but also with those who make you think “Ahhh!”

“Hey! I came across your blog on the RealJock site. Very interesting and insightful. I’m a bartender and your post about working hard for a dollar is soooo right on. Sometimes I will be so busy pouring drinks and someone will refuse to get out of the way until I’ve acknowledged that they gave me a dollar. This is after their 3 jaeger bombs and 4 cocktails totalling $30+. Fuckers. Hah!

“So, your pics are also great. I’m wondering what you do about your ass. lol. I mean, your skin is pretty much perfect. I have a great body and a pretty killer ass, but it’s never the clearest of skin. I wash everyday, I use sensitive soap detergent. I just can’t figure it out. So maybe you can offer some tips?

“I’m sure a blog on body grooming would fit well into your reader’s minds.

“Thanks!
“C”

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I will admit this freely: I am commitment-phobic. I’ve parted ways with many a hot buddy (did I just out myself as a total slut?), because of the pressure (or perceived pressure) to consider something more than physical romps. I don’t want it. At all. NO! Just the notion that someone wants anything from me is enough to make the elevator gown down to the basement.

I wasn’t always like that. I gave until it hurt. I did that far too many times. Finally, my little faerie wings got tattered to the point where I couldn’t flitter away anymore. That’s not to say that I’m jaded or bitter, because I’m still open to being inspired – I just don’t walk around looking for it. If lightning strikes, fine; however, I’ve learned to dodge the rain drops pretty efficiently.

Anyway, this issue of dating isn’t the focus of my story (I think). However, it does affect something else in my little world: I want to get tattoos, but I’m terrified they’ll be permanent mistakes. I like tattoos that are well-done. I think they can be extremely flattering, and that they reveal a layer of the person wearing them. But I’m so fussy about design and execution that I’ve never been able to bring myself to get any. I’m concerned that I’d find any little straying minute mistake and never be able to get past it. We are talking about tattoos, and not guys… right?

Despite these fears I’m looking at several images to gain inspiration for original designs. I know generally what I want, but I have to consider where to place them. I’m also not going to get anything done until I find an artist I trust. Before I take the plunge there are some rules that have to be established before this long term relationship can be possible.

I feel very strongly that tattoos should be original designs with strong personal significance. With that in mind I have to consider very carefully how to express the most fundamental parts of my personality, which might evolve but won’t change completely. I want something that will illustrate a basic, yet permanent philosophy. Tastes change, but wisdom grows deeper.

What is designed is important, but its size and placement matter too. I’d really like a design that fits into its space well. Perhaps it wraps around a contour or causes the eye to make a connection to something else on me? I don’t know how to explain this properly, but I know I do not want an image etched onto me like a badly placed price tag or something. The design needs to fit into its niche, to enhance the place where it sits, and to meld itself in such a way that it indisputably belongs wherever it is.

I want my tattoos to be beautiful. That doesn’t have to mean overly complex. There is beauty in simplicity as well. I think a small tattoo with pristine lines, expert filling, and excellent clarity is far more desirable than murky, busy, and/or sloppy tattoos of any size. I’m scared the tattooing will hurt, and that I’ll jump around and cause mistakes. I’m also terrified of being the victim of the artist’s random sneeze!

Oh my God! I know someone with a misspelled tattoo. I think I would have a nervous breakdown if that were to happen to me. He tried to explain that “Moter” is Old German for mother, but that’s not true. I think I’d go to jail if I got branded with a typo.

UGH! So many potential pitfalls… What if I get tired of my tattoo? What if I pick the wrong one? How difficult would it be to get rid of him? Wait… I think I’m confusing the issue already (in fact, I’m not sure which issue I’ve been talking about throughout this entire posting).

Bisexual people have to be some of the most marginalized in our culture. They’re too queer for heterosexuals to understand or empathize with, and they’re too straight for queers to trust or fully embrace. The former tend to lump any degree of bisexuality together with “gay,” and the latter tend to stigmatize them as cowards or indiscriminate sluts. However, bisexuality is a true sexuality - it is not just some dude’s way of getting head whenever it’s convenient while his gay friend is playing video games with him at midnight.

I’ve dated a couple of bisexual guys. Yes, it’s frustrating to know you’re not able to be everything that completes that person’s desires, and yes there are often complications if the relationship is founded upon an antiquated form of monogamy. However, bisexual people should not be treated as if monogamy is impossible for them. That’s absurd. Anyone makes the choice to cheat or not. Another option, if everyone agrees, is that a triangular dynamic might be better.

I have to confess that bisexual men are alluring to me. That’s not to say I feed into the straight boy fetish - that’s not true at all. As with Homer Simpson, I like my gay men fuh-lay-ming! What attracts me to bisexual men is their ability to appreciate the sexual beauty of so many more people than I am capable of. I know a beautiful or sexy woman when I see one, but that’s all there is: recognition. There’s no desire. Unless, of course, the desire to take her shopping and dress her in expensive haute couture counts…

Perhaps this will seem strange to say, but I accidentally discovered that I have a porn hero. I’m not sure yet what that means, but it’s the only way I can think to describe my response to Cody Cummings (see right, click to enlarge). Not only is he incredibly dedicated and disciplined in regard to his fitness regimen, but he appears to be totally at ease with being attractive to and attracted to both men and women. He has a particular presence that is fascinating, beyond the strictly sexual. Yes, he is beautiul. Yes, he has found a way to capitalize successfully on his appearance. But beyond that, when I looked at the snippets of his videos, what I came up with in my head is that this man is absolutely comfortable in his skin. That is incredibly attractive, beyond all the other glamour tied into his marketing strategy.

So, I guess the point of this entry isn’t that I wish I were bisexual (even though I maybe do), but that I remembered after seeing Cody Cummings’ site that one of my fantasies for a long time has been to have a healthy balanced relationship wherein my best girlfriend and I share a man who loves us both equally. Something about a triad is more stable in my mind. Alas, the dream is probably always easier/better than the reality.

At any rate, it’s not often an adult entertainer tells the public about his/her own fantasies. Usually we’re the ones who play upon the desires of others. I thought it might be nice to put a little piece of my personal self out there: I think it’d be fun to be a gorgeous bisexual porn star. Let me dream, ok? Return the favor just this once?

Edit (06/16/10): I no longer feel this way about this particular model; however, my views on bisexuality itself has not changed. I still own that bisexuality is a true sexuality, but in the case of Cody Cummings he seems to be faking the bisexuality for monetary gain.