The online diary of a gay courtesan.

A reader/client/friend sent me an email making some observations about the scene I recently completed with Rusty Stevens for Dominic Ford. This reader brings up the valid point that

“Knowing you, I know pretty well that you would not do anything without thinking it through very well first, including working with a guy with the barebacking experience Rusty has. Was seeing a ‘clean bill of health’ enough to convince you to work with him? Again, the guy is an incredible turn-on and someone I’d love to get it on with safely, but it’s making me think again about what the background is of any person I might get together with. As you know, I have never had unprotected sex, and I never intend to, but I am wondering again about what I am willing to put into my mouth! Your doing this scene with Rusty Stevens has brought about this thinking on my part.”

I have spoken with my agent at Fabscout, and his position is that the agency does not work with models who currently perform in raw videos. Models with a background in bareback videos have to show they have not done any projects without condoms for six months before becoming part of the Fabscout stable, and they must undergo full panel screening for all STD’s.

My personal position is this: I will not do a scene with a model who has not passed a recent screening, and I will not do a scene that engages in the riskiest behaviors (bareback anal sex, cum shots on the face, etc.). I have no control over a model’s past, and I often don’t know who my scene partner is until right before the shoot (so I wouldn’t be able to perform due diligence anyway). And so, the best I can do is the best I can do: Treat each person as if he were POZ, and follow the rules of reducing risk. There is no such reality as safe sex, there is only safer sex.

There are many ways a model can mask his bareback history in video (e.g. changing stage names, altering appearance, etc.), and Rusty has done none of these. He has been quite admirable in his approach: He has kept his name and his tattoos, he has spoken about his background, and he has committed to doing scenes with condoms. He has not done a bareback video since 2007, and he is screened for HIV every 28-30 days. He takes all of this very seriously, and (like ChiChi, Brent Corrigan, and many others) has amended his practices within adult video. The whole point of using condoms after not using them is illustrating that life habits and behaviors can change. I do not think it is fair to refuse to let go of a raw past, especially if it is a mark of evolution from naïvité to responsibility.

Is it unfortunate that Rusty did several bareback videos? Yes. Has he adjusted that behavior? Yes. Does he respect himself, his partners, and his scene-mates enough to diligently monitor his health? Yes.

I definitely appreciate the concern this reader expressed, but if you are going to have sex, then it is important to recognize that it is impossible to do anything more than reduce and manage risk. The only alternative is abstinence. Each person has to decide for himself whether or not sex with others is worth more than the potential risks it brings.

NOTE: Sean Cody revealed my legal name, and they may release yours too!

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This is a three-part blog entry that will give background information about adult video projects and how they operate, so that others will have candid information before they decide that videos are the choice for them or not. I will be honest, and this means it will not be possible for me to sound completely unbiased in some instances. It isn’t my intent necessarily to besmirch anyone, but rather to describe events, so that possibilities aren’t overlooked (e.g. if it happened to me, it’s possible it will happen in a similar manner to you). In part 1, I am going to go line by line and describe the ins and outs of my experience with Sean Cody. In part 2, I am going to compare and contrast my experiences at the four houses for which I have worked thus far. In part 3, I am going to give some practical advice and talk about the advantages of working through an agency.

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Before you make any choices you can’t undo, ask yourself these questions:

1. Why do I want to do porn?
2. What will I gain by doing so, and how will I use this to my advantage?
3. How will it affect my life once I eventually retire?
4. Am I making any choices out of desparation?
5. Who can help me along the path?

Why porn?

There are a variety of answers. Tucker Vaughn knew when he was 16 that he wanted to do it – he was called to it. I don’t know whether he can articulate yet what this calling entailed, but he told me as soon as he saw porn that he knew it was what he wanted to do. As soon as he was of age he started, and he’s been a very busy boy ever since.

I have heard someone say he wanted to be preserved for posterity while he was at the peak of his fitness and male beauty.

I use porn as a free, ongoing form of advertising that I get paid to create. I am not a porn model who sometimes escorts. I am an escort who has done some porn modeling. That difference underlies the reason why I am free to speak so freely and honestly about my experience in the video industry: The threats that I “will never do videos again after that Sean Cody essay” fall flat, because I am doing more videos (tomorrow in fact), and I also don’t consider myself a “porn star.” If I do happen to go on to become a recognized persona in video, awesome. If not, okay.

Every man has his reason for going into the video industry. Know what yours is, and come to peace with it. Own your reason: You won’t be able to avoid telling people forever (if at all), and living with shame is not living.

To what advantage?

This question grows out of the first. Alright, you have decided that you have a reason that can be reconciled with your personal life (even after you stop doing video work): You are going to do adult video. Fine. Once you have identified why you want to do it, you should now consider what you gain from doing so. Let’s look more closely at the three examples from above under the “Why porn?” section.

Are you like Tucker? Do you plan to possibly make an extended career in the video industry? Will doing the porn pay for an education you otherwise couldn’t get, or will it help you understand later how to produce video projects of your own? I don’t know that this is Tucker’s plan, but that is what Christian Owen is doing. It has worked for others in this way, including Kristofer Weston. We are all attracted to our careers for reasons we don’t always understand at first. Do you just need to do porn? If so, know that you can use it in several ways, especially later for a career in production (which can last far longer than a modeling career).

It sounds like a relatively poorly considered reason to me, but doing porn to capture yourself at your prime is valid, I suppose. Couldn’t you just take a Polaroid? But it isn’t my place to judge. If this is your motivation, then pornography essentially forces you to remain in shape for as long as possible. If you are a body builder, does doing porn get you other gigs that help you maintain your life as a (semi-)professional exerciser? I don’t know. I can’t answer this, but I present it here, because I heard it touted as a reason to do porn.

Are you in my position, perhaps? It’s a very common scenario. A significant portion of the escorts I have seen in ads mention that they are also porn models. And let me clarify something while I’m thinking about it: I lose money (in the short term) by doing the shoots. I am paid for them, so the time isn’t lost; however, looking at a strictly dollars:effort ratio… Porn is definitely not my primary concern; however, I understand that the more I stand out, the better I may fare when it is time to connect with clients. But do not fool yourself: Porn (unless you have a series of contracts guaranteeing some regular gigs, paid at generous rates) generally will not support you as easily as a successful escorting practice.

And after?

There is no way to undo porn. Once you finish your video career you will have left behind you the proof of your profession. Before you go into this segment of the industry, you will need to consider what you will do later. Consider where your interests lie, and have a sense of direction when you begin the video career.

Pornography is a vehicle, if you steer it properly; however, there are some roads that will be closed to you. Which route will you navigate then?

Do not lose heart: Pornography is becoming more and more mainstream, and there are many people who simply don’t care if you are/were an adult entertainer. Between the liberalization of our culture and the bad economy, most people will probably end up saying, “Hey, you did what you had to.” You will probably not be able to run for governor (unless the current state of affairs amongst South Carolina’s governor and gubanatorial candidates becomes the norm everywhere).

So, you can forget about the careers where conservative appearances matter, but there are so many other options. I would also make another point: If you are entrepreneurial enough to be in adult entertainment, then you are probably possessed of stout enough heart to continue being independent later. What business would you like to start? I know porn models who have gone on to be landscape designers, accountants, lead mechanics, lawyers, and highly sought after tutors (though these latter two options seem a bit riskier to me, in terms of conflicts of interest).

I love being my own employer. I was miserable as an educator, office worker, and executive assistant. Although I do not have the security of a paycheck coming from a boss, I have so much more control over my destiny that it’s worth the exchange (since I have learned to tolerate the endless adventure). It is deeply satisfying to mold your efforts into your own visions, whatever they might be. Perhaps THAT is the answer to your “Why porn?” question: Use the money to set yourself up in a business as your own boss. When you do the background check on your past employment, you can just overlook the adult entertainment stuff.

Are you desparate?

If you are considering porn simply for fast cash… Well, honestly… You should probably not do it at all. I blogged quite a while back that you should never do anything that causes you guilt, grief, pain, sorrow, regret, or embarrassment. That is still true now.

Who can help you?

You need allies in this business. You need people who are on your side, who care where you are, and who will look out for your best interests. This career is not a choice for the squemish or undecided. Once you jump into this pool, little fishy, the wet footprints will follow you after you’re done swimming.

I want to reiterate what I said in part 2: You should NOT make any agreements or arrangements with recruiters who come looking for you through social networking and/or modeling sites. If someone approaches you, find out if they are recruiting FOR a particular house, of if they are recruiting FROM a particular house. Freelancers, to be frank, are often pirhannas. They do not care about you. They care only about their commissions. And why not? They’ve never met or spoken to you. Why and how should they give a damn if you are okay?

If you do accept work through a site like Model Mayhem (which is how I came to Sean Cody), be very certain that you have accepted work from a representative of the house itself. If you do not, you may find yourself owing a finder’s fee to a recruiter who has done no work, and who may try to claim 10-20% of your pay from every assignment you do at that house (and possibly other houses as well). If you accept an offer from the house directly, you do not have to worry about the recruiter, though you will still be on your own to figure out the contracts. Again, I suggest a reputable agent: An agent would have pointed out the intricacies of my Sean Cody contract.

(Edit, 08/14/2011: I can no longer advocate on behalf of Fabscout. Please disregard that which has been crossed out.)

Yes, there are horror stories about agents who have not done their jobs, and who have ended up cheating or hurting their models. There are agents who don’t call, agents who lie, and others who are flakes. And so I do not come to you saying, “You should get an agent,” and then NOT have one to whom I can refer you.

Without a doubt (and for very good reasons) the staff at Fabscout are easily among the most respected booking agents in gay porn. They have arranged all the assignments I have done since my Sean Cody contract expired, and they have made everything very easy. If you cannot work through Fabscout, then look for an agent who will do everything Fabscout does for me:

1. Contacts you regularly with work – this means the agent is well-connected and proactive.
2. Offers you assignments without pressuring you to take work you do not want – avoid people who try to coerce you to do anything you do not know you are willing to do.
3. Shields you from bareback porn companies – although you can go from condom to bareback, you very often cannot go from bareback to condom. Aside from exposing yourself to risk, you may cut your nose off to spite your face by doing bareback porn.
4. Acts promptly and responsibly on all project details, including transportation, lodging, wardrobe requirements, general appearance guidelines, and fees.
5. Works only with video companies they know to be safe – report problems to your agent, so that they can help you, if needed.
6. Checks to make sure you are en route – this establishes that you are safe, and lets the house know you are definitely on your way.
7. Calls or texts while you are on set to be certain you are happy – this gives you the security of knowing that someone knows where you are, and it holds the house accountable for your comfort and safety.
8. Negotiates with the house and communicates with you about the fee schedule – you should know up front how much you will be paid and what will be required for you to receive your check.
9. Charges a reasonable rate – Fabscout charges me 20%, and I am happy to give it to them. Fabscout is rather like the AAA of gay porn. I don’t mind paying them, because when I need them they are there. Do not pay 20% to an agency that doesn’t match all this effort. Expect to pay more toward 10-15%/project if you sign an on-going contract, rather than working shoot to shoot.
10. Sends an invoice in writing and keeps accurate records – this ensures that everyone knows how much is owed and paid.

Conclusion

Writing this series has been quite the wild ride. I have no regrets. But I do not believe in regret. There are only lessons learned. As you go forward in your Adult Entertainment career, it is imperative that you pay attention. You must take care of yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to victimize others to protect your interests. I suggest you work sober, treat your appointments, club bookings, and/or shoots with an ethic that will defy the stereotypes associated with the industry, and live from a position of as much transparency as possible. Own your choices, and do not be afraid to speak out when you know you have experienced something that others should be warned against. Even if I have never met you, I want you to know that you can email me, if you need an empathetic response to a question pertaining to your experiences as a purveyor of fantasy and pleasure.

NOTE: Sean Cody revealed my legal name, and they may release yours too!

———————————————-

This is a three-part blog entry that will give background information about adult video projects and how they operate, so that others will have candid information before they decide that videos are the choice for them or not. I will be honest, and this means it will not be possible for me to sound completely unbiased in some instances. It isn’t my intent necessarily to besmirch anyone, but rather to describe events, so that possibilities aren’t overlooked (e.g. if it happened to me, it’s possible it will happen in a similar manner to you). In part 1, I am going to go line by line and describe the ins and outs of my experience with Sean Cody. In part 2, I am going to compare and contrast my experiences at the four houses for which I have worked thus far. In part 3, I am going to give some practical advice and talk about the advantages of working through an agency.

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There are people who want to dismiss me, because I’m ”just a whore.” I would point out that I have a Mission Statement, and I am writing this particular three-part entry FOR POTENTIAL PORN MODELS.

The extreme (but not unexpected) backlash I am getting from Sean Cody/gay-for-pay supporters boils down to this: Our desires are very intimate, and they reside in a place very close the core of our identities. My whistle blowing isn’t the problem, in and of itself. The problem for them is that I have done something that undermines their fantasy that these straight men ENJOY gay sex. But that is impossible. Straight men cannot enjoy gay sex any more than gay men can enjoy straight sex. If you enjoy both, then you are bisexual. This gay-for-pay “ideal” isn’t tenable when you really scrutinize it. My showing that their fear is true (that the models do it for the money only) attacks their fantasy, and they take it as a personal criticism (which on some levels it is). I think it would not only be healthier, but also more pragmatic, to desire the people who are capable of giving you as much as you give them.

I have found that if my intuition tells me something, I should listen to it. You have to treat your fantasy life with as much care as your reality, because they are interconnected. If you are conflicted, address the conflict.

I wrote the first portion of this blog knowing that it would upset some people. But this is how change happens. In some tiny way, I hope that I am contributing to the eventual withering of gay-for-pay options in the LGBTQ Adult Entertainment community. There are a great many people saying a great many hurtful comments (and making assertions based on being acquainted with me through +3 degrees of separation and speaking as if they know me), but I know that my truth is as valuable as anyone else’s.

(A side note to people who now “hate” me: Your hatred will never silence me. Ever. The tone of this blog will not be changed by your conscious and purposeful dedication to ignorance of how gay-for-pay pornography undermines you as a gay man. I’m sorry, but that’s what spinach tastes like to children.)

Now, this entry will compare and contrast (for the benefit of models considering which, if any, companies to choose) the shooting styles and on-set cultures of Sean Cody (SC), COLT/Buckshot (CB), Falcon (F), and HotHouse (HH). I am going to look at Recruitment Issues, Travel/Accommodations, Shooting, On-Set Culture, and Gay-Affirmative Attitudes (whether in the presence of gay-for-pay models or not).

Recruitment

Most video companies will have a link somewhere on their pages that is called “Become a Model,” or something to that effect. Before you click it, please consider waiting until I have written part 3 of this blog (The Advantages of an Agent). There’s a lot going on in the background before you even arrive, and you have to be certain you are ready. I cannot suggest strongly enough that you NOT work with anonymous recruiters who approach you randomly on sites like Model Mayhem. NEVER AGREE TO ANYTHING WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE NOT MET OR CONVERSED WITH AT LENGTH, ESPECIALLY NOT IN WRITING/EMAIL. BE YOUR OWN AGENT OR HIRE A PROFESSIONAL.

If you decide to contact the site directly, you should completely and honestly fill out all the information they request. You will do yourself no favors in being dishonest. Do not misrepresent yourself. If you are not willing to participate in various activities, then do not say you are (e.g. Saying you will allow yourself to be fucked and then refusing to do so is a waste of time, money, and energy for everyone involved and could result in your developing a reputation as being difficult to work with). For my part, I will kiss, exchange oral, and exchange anal (with condoms). I am very specific that I will not do heavy bondage, fisting, and other fetishes. Tell them who you are and what you can do.

You should be prepared with pictures to submit. They do not have to be professional, and probably should NOT be professional. The houses want to know what YOU look like, not what you look like after Photoshop. Most sites will want some or all of the following to accompany your application: Shots of your upper body from the front, left, right, and back. Shots of your lower body (nude usually) from the front, left, right, and back. They may or may not request pictures of your penis (usually erect, when requested at all), and you should include pics from the front, left, and right. They will probably request photographs of your ass, so make sure you get left, right, and back. Make sure the images are well-lighted, or you will have to repeat this process until you send photographs they can actually see. Sending dark pictures implies you are trying to hide blemishes.

To ensure success, approach the sites that use models who are similar to you. You will be discouraged, perhaps unnecessarily, by rejection from sites that do not use your look. Get in where you fit in.

Travel/Accommodations

It is routine for the house in question to pay the cost of your travel. You should expect the company to purchase your travel, cover your hotel, and provide a per diem for food (usually about $20/day). They should also cover any transportation you need to and from the airport, to and from the shoot location, and to and from the hotel when you are traveling for the purposes of the shoot itself.

Different companies go to different lengths in this regard. SC picked me up in a limousine and put me up in a 5-star resort hotel. SC also provided continental breakfast that included a very impressive buffet, and they also took me to very nice restaurants (of my choice) after the shoots were completed. CB, F, and HH sent drivers in their personal cars (which were all safe and comfortable), provided hotel accommodation, and paid per diems.

DO NOT WORK FOR A COMPANY WHICH EXPECTS YOU TO PAY FOR TRAVEL/ACCOMMODATION OR SEEKS TO REIMBURSE THEMSELVES FOR IT FROM YOUR FEE.

Shooting

Each company is pretty distinct from the others in this regard. Before you apply to a company to be a model, watch some of their videos and learn what you can about their processes. In particular, pay attention to how often the camera changes angles. Every time the angle changes there is the possibility that a take ended. The more often the angle changes, the more takes are required, the more staging will be necessary, and the more likely the chance for exhaustion.

SC duos require 6-8 hours, and the number of takes is rather staggering. This is reflected in the way the cameras bounce from spot to spot throughout the film. If you are going to be the receptive partner for a SC video, do so knowing that it will be long day. The product itself will be highly polished, and it will be delivered to a huge audience; however, SC pays far more than other houses, likely because their shooting days are long. Expect each take to last between 15 seconds and 2 minutes (with breaks in between).

CB has a variety of aesthetics. For the scene in which I participated, shooting lasted an hour or two, and we used only one or two condoms. The camera operators walked around us, and there were additional cameras on stands. Our takes lasted considerably longer, some of them lasting several minutes. Expect a very high production value from CB (SC work is beautifully produced, too). COLT is one of the premier producers of gay erotica, and there is a reason for it: They make stunning work.

(A side note: Although I have never worked with Randy Blue, I did my CB scene with Topher Dimaggio who has. He told me that at Randy Blue he never experienced a shoot that lasted longer than 3 hours. This included the time necessary for taking still shots.)

Falcon is another top-notch team with whom I enjoyed working. If you work with F you can also count on a very polished product. They make gorgeous movies. The scene I shot with them took about two to three hours to complete, required approximately 10 condoms, and was accompanied by a great deal more shooting of introductory material. Although there were more separate penetrations for this scene, Benjamin Bradley was so adept as an insertive partner that I was never uncomfortable.  SC required very little introductory material. CB recorded only a few moments of Topher and I hugging as an introductory image to our scene, but F created a scenario in which I was cruising Benjamin at the beach and started a conversation as a means of introducing our scene.

HH was a great deal of fun, and they produce high quality videos. Their movies are just plain HAWT. Their live show I shot didn’t intimidate me, because I’d done so much cam modeling prior to the scene with Lucas Knowles. If you are going to do the Backroom for HH, you will probably be asked to do a live cam show and one or two pre-recorded scenes for later distribution. I suggest practicing your live skills with a webcam in a chat room. It will make it easier to absorb the idea that there are many eyes watching you. The takes for HH were similar to those of F. They didn’t last as long as the CB takes, but they were longer than those for SC. My scene with Conner O’Reilly took about three to four hours.

On-Set Culture

At SC, I got the distinct sense from beginning to end that the staff was overworked and burned out. Everything felt routine, as if they were all saturated by the cut-and-dry nature of the process. Everyone seemed tired before we began, and people seemed short-tempered. I felt more tension at SC than at the other houses. Another peculiarity I experienced at SC that I did not observe at the other houses: For the solo shoots, the staff leave the room where the scene is taking place as you fluff yourself, and then come running in with their cameras once you holler out that you are ready with an erection. At the other houses you simply fluff yourself while people wait to begin again.

The shoot for CB required more set up, because it was out on location. SC sets are mostly pre-assembled (and thus used repeatedly – you should recognize all the “rooms” by now on the SC site). Whereas SC generally uses one of a few sets that are always ready, CB, F, and HH may or may not venture out into new locations. While the CB shoot took longer to set up, the shoots themselves were shorter than at SC. Overall the length of the days was about the same as a result.

For the F shoot we were also on location, and so, like CB, there was more set up than with SC; however, just as with CB, there was a sense that the production crew ENJOYED working with each other. There was a great deal of levity on the F set, as there was at CB (both sets were decidedly warm and friendly). John Bruno of F laughs and jokes a great deal, and the other staff were fun and courteous as well. If you ever get the chance to work with Kristofer Weston or John Rutherford of CB, I can tell you that they are simply delightful.

The scene at HH felt as close to a hook up as any shoot I’ve done yet, partly because Conner O’Reilly is so easy to work with (very cute!), but also because Christian Owen and his staff were organized without being jaded. They use the same sets repeatedly (in addition to constructing sets for special projects), just as SC does. The HH shoot took a bit longer than we’d originally anticipated, but there was never any sense that anyone at HH was losing patience.

Expect each of these four houses to take time for solo photography to use as promotional materials. When you negotiate your fee (see part 3), understand that all of these houses will cover your travel and accommodation, and that the fee will probably include one or two 2 to 4 hour-photo shoots, as well as the scene(s) in which you will be participating. All four houses take exceptionally good still shots, and take great pains with lighting and composition. SC and HH required less time for the still shots, because they occurred on familiar sets.

Gay-Affirmative Attitudes

I have made clear my experience with SC in this regard.

On the remaining shoots I have done, there was never any expression of concern that I, or anyone else, was “too gay.” If you work for CB, F, or HH you probably won’t have to worry about anyone obsessing that you might accidentally be seen as gay-for-real, rather than gay-for-pay. These houses also work with gay-for-pay models, but their attitude toward LGBTQ people isn’t negative at all. In fact, CB used a transgender MTF to do our hair and makeup. I fear; however, that my experience with SC may have infected me with some homophobia, because on the shoots for CB, F, and HH I was worried the whole time that my sounds were ridiculous. I have to unlearn that.

Conclusion

Regardless of the house(s) with which you work, you should acquaint yourself with their videos. Do you want to be portrayed in the manner and style for which the company is known? I prefer the idea of doing higher-budget projects, thus I have politely rejected work from companies whose work looks amateur. I have also made the personal choice not to participate in productions in which a “straight” man is “tricked” into having gay sex, so I have also politely declined work from those companies who feature it. Consider your brand and image, and do not dilute them by doing scenes which are not consistent with them.

With the issues of brand, and more importantly, health in mind, I cannot state it strongly enough: Avoid doing bareback porn. Politely decline every request you get. There are many obvious (and subtle) pitfalls to doing bareback porn, and there is no need to ennumerate them all. Do not do raw porn! EVER! NO no no no no no no no no no no no, no no no no no no no. NO! Do not do it!

One last suggestion: If you want to work with SC, work with them FIRST. They will not generally use models who have already gotten exposure on other sites. They want “virgins.” SC offers the highest pay, as they should, given the length of their shoots, the exclusive contracts (which do not include guarantees for further work), and the limitations the exclusive contract will place on any other adult themed projects you may wish to persue.

NOTE: Sean Cody revealed my legal name, and they may release yours too!

———————————————-

This is a three-part blog entry that will give background information about adult video projects and how they operate, so that others will have candid information before they decide that videos are the choice for them or not. I will be honest, and this means it will not be possible for me to sound completely unbiased in some instances. It isn’t my intent necessarily to besmirch anyone, but rather to describe events, so that possibilities aren’t overlooked (e.g. if it happened to me, it’s possible it will happen in a similar manner to you). In part 1, I am going to go line by line and describe the ins and outs of my experience with Sean Cody. In part 2, I am going to compare and contrast my experiences at the four houses for which I have worked thus far. In part 3, I am going to give some practical advice and talk about the advantages of working through an agency.

———————————————-

Recently there was a story written on Queer Porn Nation about a blog post I created. It has a rather sensationalist title, but it doesn’t go on to say anything untrue about what I had posted here. What is curious is that I have been holding off for a very long time on writing about my experience at Sean Cody. I wanted to get more screen credits first, so that I could have a basis for comparison. At any rate, I am now ready to give a very detailed account of how that year under the Sean Cody contract played itself out. I am sorry that my readiness happens to be timed right when this pingback has connected itself to what I was already going to say. But here we go…

Introduction & Phone Interview

If you have read my blog for a while, you will know that there was a start and stop process to my getting involved with my first video projects. I submitted pics on a whim, got a positive response, and I fell out of touch because of insecurity; then they contacted me quite a while later, we restarted the conversation, and they fell out of touch because of disorganization; and finally they contacted me through my profile on Model Mayhem, I explained how it was our third conversation, and we persisted in maintaining contact. I should mention that at this last juncture I was also being recruited by Randy Blue, and in retrospect I wish I had gone with them instead.

After the dates were set and the plane tickets purchased I then spoke on the phone with my recruiter at Sean Cody. He gave me tips and expectations concerning my appearance, and then asked me questions about myself, so as to create my “character.” He wanted me to be bisexual; however, “I have been out since I was 15, and I have been dancing in gay clubs since 1998. No one is going to buy that. I am gay. Period.” Okay, well, they could work with that. At that time I thought I was going to remain in the thirty-something closet (since I was still, at that time, dancing under the declared age of 24). Then the recruiter asked me about my career, and we had this conversation (or something to this effect):

“What do you do?”

“I’m a professional dancer and choreographer, and I am also a career exotic dancer.”

“Oh, wow. You can’t say that. Sean wouldn’t like that. Don’t tell anyone here that.”

“Why?”

“It’s too gay.”

“Oh. Well, I write for a gay newspaper, and I have taught writing at the college level. I’m an educator, and I’ve studied languages. I guess it wouldn’t be a lie to say I’m a linguist.”

“Okay, perfect. We’ll use that. What sports do you do?”

“I don’t. I’m a dancer.”

“Well, make something up.”

“I don’t want to do that. I was a gymnast before I was a dancer.”

“Perfect. You’re a linguist and gymnast. Don’t bring up the other stuff.”

“Okay. So, you guys don’t like gay guys then?”

“No! No, it’s not that. It’s just that straight guys sell better.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Travel & Accomodations

I will give Sean Cody this much: They absolutely go all out on travel, lodging, food, and general pampering off set. When I had some incredible airport drama they were right there helping me get the flights I needed. I was to be chauffeured in a limousine, and when my flight got redirected from San Diego to Orange County they sent the limousine 100 miles north to pick me up and drive me comfortably back to San Diego. I stayed at a gorgeous resort hotel for both trips, and the food before and after the shoots was awesome. They really didn’t scrimp at all on making sure I was comfortable. I really have to applaud them for being so generous in this regard. They also pay amazingly well – far, far better than other houses.

Solo video

I did my paperwork, and the person signing the contracts with me noticed my age. He made a big deal out of it. The camera man heard him, and this became part of the conversation on film. I don’t remember now if talking about being in my thirties is on the film or only in the write up, but there it was: Sean Cody had, for whatever reason, outed me as a thirty-something. Perhaps this was to play up some sort of diversity concept? Look! We have guys who aren’t in their twenties! AND THIS ONE IS GAY! OOOOOOO!

I’m sorry (and this isn’t a jab at Landon, whom I have never met and who is very beautiful), but there isn’t really any true diversity at Sean Cody. Landon, as picture perfect as he is, reminds me of the court ordered black model in an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. I felt like I was being made a particular spectacle for being so much older and gayer than “normal” on their site, and I have never felt like I was particularly well portrayed in either video.

If I seem quiet, shy, and/or tentative in the videos on Sean Cody it is because of the direction I was given by the crew moments before filming:

“Okay, don’t talk with your hands; don’t use any big words; and keep your voice kinda deep.”

“So, you want me to speak as I am right now?”

“YES! The way you just said ‘right now’ was totally perfect.”

“Okay.”

“So you understand?”

“Oh, yes. I understand perfectly.”

I felt compelled to move and speak as little as possible, because I was afraid I would ruin their film and not get paid. This became problematic during filming, because they then asked me to make noises, which is something I don’t do much of during sex. It felt unnatural, and the entire time I was terrified that I was overdoing the noise (which I don’t care for in general), and then on top of it I was scared the noises I did make would be ridiculous and over the top. But they liked it, so I did what they asked.

At one point they asked me if I would play with a toy. Normally I don’t use them, but I wanted to be gracious and cooperative, since my paperwork specifically stated that difficult models would not be asked back. And do you know what they gave me? A LIMP DICK DILDO.

What the fuck?

“This is a limp dick dildo.”

“Yeah, we teach the straight guys how to suck dick with it.”

“How am I supposed to get it inside?”

“Oh, just play with it and figure it out.”

So I ended up standing in an awkward position, corkscrewing a limp dick dildo into my ass, making noises that I feared were “too gay,” and hoping that I wouldn’t look completely ridiculous in the process. Have I mentioned yet that they fucked my hair up? OMG, maybe I’m too gay afterall, but don’t fuck with a bitch’s weave! GOD!

For the cum shot I was told to work the noise up to a climax. Great. I’d already made a bunch of noise. I have to get even louder? Oh, boy. So, I did. (I, personally, cannot watch my Sean Cody videos for a variety of reasons, but particularly because of all the hollering.) I offered to eat the cum, since that is rare on Sean Cody, and we finished up. It was a two-day shoot, each day lasting 2-3 hours. In the end they edited out anything I said that gave me any type of personality. The interviewers often ask questions in a degrading or creepy manner, so when the camera guy (who was VERY HOT, btw) told me I was attractive I said, “Thanks, you’re pretty, too!” It was a joke. I was just trying to undercut the weirdness of being talked to by an unseen person. Well, that didn’t make the cut. They almost always ask “Are you nervous?” I replied, “No. Are you?” That didn’t make it either. LOL

Let me say this: You cannot undo porn. I had just done a jerk-off scene. I was committed. There was no turning back. I went into Sean Cody to pay off my debt faster, and now I intended to go full steam ahead, no matter what, because I hadn’t made what I needed to wipe the debt out. It is for this reason that I tried to be as personable and cooperative as I could: Although I found some aspects of the solo problematic, I didn’t want to be left hanging with the debt AND a single porn project.

Duo video

I went out a few weeks later to do my duo. They told me a few moments before I met him that I was going to do my scene with Fuller. I looked him up, and I found pictures of a doll-faced boy. I thought, “Awww! What a sweetie pie!” That is not who I met.

I went outside to get the ride to the studio, and there was a blinged-out, rather ghetto, and intimidating man standing there smoking a cigarette and having a heated argument on the phone. I finally realized it was the same person when I saw the red cross tattoo. We got acquainted briefly, and he immediately began telling me about his girlfriend, who was angry that he was doing videos that weekend (he did the video with Martin a day or two after the scene with me).

“Great, I get to spend the day fucking some chic’s smoker, thug boyfriend.” I was very disheartened at the sight of him, because he was SO MUCH BIGGER than me. I thought they’d paired me with someone similar to compliment us both, but now I was suddenly suspicious that I was being paired with him, so that I could be “the lucky gay guy” to bottom for such a hot, straight stud.

Fuller, as it turns out, is very nice. He’s very business minded, and he is very direct. I admire that. I also admire his discipline and dedication to fitness. So my complaints about the duo are not really directed at him, so much as the situation. He and I have stayed in touch from time to time, and I do not wish him any ill whatsoever. I need to state that clearly up front. After my initial negative impression I was greatly endeared to him when he expressed disbelief at my age and said, “I hope I look half as good when I’m your age!” Okay… we like this one… He can stay. LOL

Then the filming began (after more paper work and more drama about my age).

Some people, especially some of the readers on the site SeanCodyReviews.com, have been particularly unfriendly toward me in general, and I am going to now explain why they are deluded about a great many things. I do not apologize for undermining their fascination with gay-for-pay porn, because they shouldn’t be feeding such dysfunctional desire in the first damn place.

Once again I was instructed to not speak in a gay manner. This in front of Fuller. It reinforced my fear of being “too gay,” and I didn’t quite close my mouth in time and said, “I get it. You don’t like gay guys.”

“No, it’s not like that!”

“It’s exactly like that. I understand. Can we just do this?”

And so began the “cuddling” and interview. We were put into some kind of uncomfortable jigsaw shape in which to begin. They started by asking Fuller about his girlfriend (while he’s intertwined with me? WTF??), and I was struggling to not show annoyance on my face. I think it translated more into a “oh, you so craaaazy!” kinda face. When they started asking me questions I tried to remember to say and do nothing much, but accidentally slipped and said something quippish before I remembered to shut up and sit still.

Then the kissing. Wow. Minty ash tray. That’s hot. And then we had to cut recording, because I was supposed to be the submissive bottom, and I was leading too much. So, I just held way back, fearful that I was showing too much interest in kissing a man. One wouldn’t want to accidentally inject any homosexuality into this film, right? So, I’m sure Fuller kisses girls better than he does boys, and that’s understandable: He’s totally straight.

Next the oral sex. Okay, before Fuller puts my dick in his mouth, he looks up at me and says, “Sorry, dude. I suck lousy dick.”

Yep. All teeth. It hurt. Alot. But that’s to be expected with someone who doesn’t fellate with any passion for it. At least he warned me. Anyone who thinks porn models are incapable of acting is naïve at best.

Yay!! The fucking! YAY!

THIS. This is where my nerves start to get shot on set. The penetration is extremely problematic, and is made worse by a third man on crew who had never shot porn before, was totally straight, and had no concept of butt sex. More on him later.

I don’t remember the order in which the positions happen in the video, but, while we were shooting, the assistant camera homo got more and more creative as we went. As we got more and more tired he came up with more and more challenging shapes. And this is something you need to know about working with straight models: They can stay hard for about 30 seconds to a minute. By the time they get it up, they’re already going down. Editing makes everything look sequential and immediate, but that is an abject fallacy. “How can they be straight if they can fuck/be fucked for a 20 minute video?” Because each take is so short that what you are seeing is them being portrayed as gay-for-pay, when in fact they are gay-for-thirty-seconds.

So, what does all this start and stop mean? It means that Sean Cody videos are exciting, because the camera angles always change. It looks like a music video or car commercial, because the visuals are constantly moving around. What else does it mean? It means that if you follow the Sean Cody formula of 4-6 shapes shot from 3 angles (and 4-5 takes of each angle) that you have 12-15 short takes of each shape (ergo over 50-70 takes, easily, for the anal alone). And what does that mean? That you have to get hard over 50 times, and (in my case) get penetrated ALOT. We went through over 40 condoms in seven hours. I thought I was going to pass out a few times. You would think Fuller would be a tad more compassionate, given his bottoming scene.

Then there’s the issue of fluffing yourself. Sean Cody provides 20-30 modern porn videos for their straight models to choose from between takes. They work with so few gay models that (when I was there) they had three. One was from 1986 and had more hair product and eyeliner than lube in the scenes. Another was a video of out-of-shape bondage guys dunking each other’s heads in toilets and pretending to rape each other. The last one was Bel Ami (which would be perfect, if I liked that type of guy). I went with the Bel Ami, and hoped for the best. But another problem was that I was stuck with the DVD player that didn’t work well, so when Fuller would holler out that he was ready with a boner, I hadn’t even gotten my video to play yet (and then everyone would get impatient with me for holding up the process). When I finally did coordinate a hard-on with Fuller I had to then run down the hall, flop back into the last position, and he would ram his softening cock into me and start fucking as if we’d not stopped for several minutes. His comfort and his erection mattered, not mine. I was expected to maintain a raging erection (despite the run from the other room and repeated ass ramming), because my dick was always visible, but I ended up flapping in the breeze like a surrender flag for many of the takes.

There was the constant threat of not getting paid. “If you cum too fast everyone goes home with no money.” Great, I get it. How many times do you have to say that? Fuller said, “Dude, if you fuck up my money we’re going to fight.” My gay eyebrow went up really fast. He stood down, and tried to go back into encouraging me. But it got worse every time Fuller would say, “Man, you are doing awesome!” or “Dude, think of the money.” I know he meant to help me, but everyone on the staff was getting shorter and curter with me as getting a hard-on got more difficult (and painful). I kept up fine for the first 4 hours, but going into hour 5 I started having severe issues from going numb. At hour 6 I doubted I could finish at all, and at hour 7 I was contemplating calling it all off and giving up completely. Fuller then said, “Dude, can we move this along? I wanna get to the bank before it closes.”

OMG.

WHAT?!

I made it known I needed a break. I took twenty minutes, and I was able to restart. I then told Fuller, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you will be able to cash your check today.” I really felt bad for holding him up.

For a moment I want to talk about the breeder on set. I heard him complain, “What’s up with him? Why can’t he just hurry the fuck up?” To his credit, assistant camera homo replied, “This always happens. The bottoms get worn out. You have to be patient.” This straight guy had offered me some of his odoriferous fish in clam sauce a couple hours earlier.

“Hey, man: You hungry? You want some?”

“Thank you, but I can’t eat right now.”

“Why?”

OMG! WHAT?!

“Where do you think that food is going to end up in about two hours?” (Insert several seconds of pause.)

“Ohhhhhhhh.” Really? THIS is the person who is being trained to film gay porn?

Anyway, time for the cum shots. I had been praying for this for hours, because I was starting to have trouble walking. Now that the time had come, assistant camera homo came up with the most ridiculous position of them all. He somehow thought I would be able to cum on my right side (thus pinning my j/o hand to the bed) with my legs in some kind of Kama Sutra bullshit. I didn’t use any particular tone in my voice. I simply said, “I can’t cum like that.”

“Well,” he said with a thoroughly bitchy voice, “how CAN you cum?”

“At this point? On my back,” I replied neutrally.

“Not everyone can cum on their back! It’s boring.”

“Well, I can’t cum like that.”

“Oh, GOD! Is it really that difficult?!” Oh, no she didn’t. The gay eyebrow shot up again, my hand went to my hip, and Funquita Jackson came roaring into view before I could stop myself.

“Yes. Actually. It is.”

Suddenly I was the most important person in the room. Suddenly they were about to have their bottom walk off set. Suddenly they’d better figure out a way to make the gay guy happy. Everything changed from that moment on.

“I’m sorry,” he replied. “We’re all just tired. It’s been a long day.”

So, I finally got to do my cum shot, and I (horror of horrors) I couldn’t. I looked at Fuller and said, “I don’t care who you have to pretend I am, you have to keep your dick hard and fuck me until I cum or this will never happen.” So, I finally came. I wonder who he pretended I was?

On the video it looks like Fuller’s orgasm happened only moments after mine. No. That is editing. The time between my orgasm and his was about 10 minutes. I couldn’t get up off the bed, or my cum would go everywhere, and they wanted the continuity of the shot. So, this time, Fuller had to get it up in front of me. He looked down at me and said, “Don’t look at me, or you’ll fuck me up.”

“Remember,” the camera man said to me, “if the cum hits your face your can’t make weird faces or we can’t use the footage and you won’t get paid.” Right. Because I’ve never had a guy’s cum hit my face before. Thanks for the extra pressure!!

I turned my head, breathing as shallowly as possible, and tried not to exist long enough for Fuller to cum all over me. The end.

A few weeks later they asked me to come back and do a third scene, but I turned it down. At the time I was still talking to Steve, and I thought we were building a relationship. I’d already prepaid for the trip we took to the mountains, which happened to be the same dates as the filming for the third video. Ironically, I broke up with Steve two weeks later, and could have used the money to ward off the problems with my car that had come up at that time. But what can you do?

Contract exclusivity

But wait, there’s more. I knew that I had signed an exclusive contract that did not include a guarantee for further work; however, I had felt compelled to sign it when I did the solo, because it seemed I would definitely NOT get more work without signing it. It was a catch-22 in many ways. I do not believe the contact could be upheld in a court of law, but I didn’t feel like testing it (or paying for the litigation/arbitration to test the theory). I also did not want to develop a reputation for getting out of contracts. So, I said nothing, in the hopes that they would want to work with me more.

The solo came out on my 33rd birthday (exactly two weeks shy of a year before I wrote this). The duo came out on Labor Day 2009. Weeks turned to months, and every time I called to check on work, I was told that they had shot so much material in advance that they were back logged for a while. They asked that I check in on the first of every month, which I did in July and August, but then everything quickly turned to shit in September.

Adult Entertainment & Aftermath

I went into porn as a form of advertising for escorting. My recruiter made no mention of my exotic dancing to his managers, and I didn’t realize Sean Cody had a problem with escorts, so I never mentioned it. It didn’t occur to me that a web site that coerces straight men to have gay sex on camera would have a sense of moral indignation. Also, many porn models are escorts, so it didn’t occur to me that it would shock the people at Sean Cody.

At any rate they discovered I was using my Sean Cody stills from the solo on my RentBoy ads. They asked me to take them down, which I did within minutes. I hadn’t asked permission to use them, and I understand completely that they have a right to control their copyrighted material. I also removed all mention of Sean Cody from my ads, since that too is their trademarked name. But I had the following conversation via text:

“I understand you want to control your material, but what am I supposed to say at the clubs where I dance when people ask if it’s me? Am I supposed to say, ‘No,’ when it’s obviously me?”

“What do you mean? What clubs?”

“I’m an exotic dancer, and I have been for 12 years.”

“I never knew about this.”

“I told my recruiter all this before I came out for the solo video.”

“We don’t want to be associated with adult entertainers and escorts.”

“I don’t understand. There are multiple ads linking to Sean Cody all over the page where my RentBoy ad is. It is hypocritical at best for you to say you don’t want to be associated with adult entertainers when you recruit them and advertise on RentBoy.”

I never heard from them again, except to inquire about my tax forms (which they sent immediately). After that I had no desire to talk to them again.

I wished I had gone with Randy Blue. I chose Sean Cody, because their product seemed more highly polished and their pay scale was a bit higher. But Sean Cody expects his models to have no life before or during their tenures on his site. He also presumes to sit in judgment over me when he uses money to induce straight men to do that which they wouldn’t do otherwise? And it is ME who is shameful?

As much as Sean Cody doesn’t wish to be associated with me, I can say only that the feeling is entirely mutual. As my Filmography expands I will remove them from the list. I would like nothing better than for them to take me off their site, as if the videos had never existed. I am not going to ask them to do that. I have no basis upon which to do so, but I wouldn’t be upset if they did. I would never have worked with them, if I had realized the extent to which their attitudes are contrary to my entire existence.

I have been asked a few times about this, and I have avoided talking about it, not because I’m squeamish, but because I wanted to treat it with some delicacy (much as I would want my insertive partner to treat my delicate little hoo-haw with some delicacy as well). I am writing this for a few practical reasons:

1. I want clients new to the experience of being the receptive partner to arrive at our rendez-vous properly and thoroughly prepared
2. I may offer something that is safer or more comfortable than what others may already be doing
3. I may be doing something improperly, and I want readers to offer a better method, if necessary

Before I begin, I would also point readers to the following article:

http://manhuntdaily.com/2009/05/dr-queerlove-bottoming-101/

Although I feel that article (and the accompanying discussion) says basically everything that can be said, the particular questions I receive have to do with prepping for the long haul on set while filming a video. Everything in that Manhunt article sounds good to me, but in a nut-shell, this is what I do when I know I am going to be the receptive partner over the course of a long period of time (as quoted from my recent response on the post about “Fresh off the Vine”):

“… I begin fasting the night before. If a scene is set for noon on Saturday, then I finish eating whatever I am having by 10 pm on Friday, and it is probably something very lean, clean, and manageable (i.e. I had sushimi [sushi without rice] every meal while shooting for Falcon 2 weeks ago). I prep in the morning from about 10 am – 11:15 am (which includes time for a shower and skin care), arrive on set around 11:45 am, and I don’t eat until the scene is finished. I don’t know whether or not everyone is equally fastidious (or if they even have to be – I know my body, not anyone else’s). Each person has a different metabolism. But that is what I do (and although it may sound morbid, my years of being anorexic have taught me how to get through the hunger pangs).”

To clarify a few points:

• There are some days it’s just not going to happen, and you will experience the law of diminishing returns. Repeatedly flushing the bowel, on some days, will not yield much clearer water but will aggravate the bowel more and more with each attempt. You have to decide if the clarity of the water is “good enough,” or if you are simply going to forgo penetration that day. If you start cramping, regardless of the clarity of the water coming out of you, you have done far too much and need to stop and reconsider if today is the day for intercourse.
• It is a VERY BAD idea to use full dosages of enemas over the long haul, and NEVER more than once in a 24-hour period. If you want/need to use a premixed enema, I suggest the Fleet pre-mixed, disposable enema in a 4.5-ounce bottle. It contains Sodium Phosphate. HOWEVER: It is best to not over-do the prep work, or you will be at greater risk for injury or infection from inflaming the bowel and disrupting the flora of the intestines. If you use an enema, use 1/3 of the bottle that I just described (or you could pour all the enema mix out, and refill the bottle with luke warm tap water – the residue from the enema will still work, but will be much less aggressive).
• You want to do as much as possible in as few steps and in as little time as possible, so as to avoid inflammation.
• If you decide to use a water stream, rather than an anal bowl douche, DO NOT PUT THE HOSE FROM THE SHOWER INSIDE YOURSELF. Even with the water on low it will be propelled through the plumbing of your bathroom into your body at a pressure that can rupture your insides. If you want a continuous stream experience, be certain to use a product that collects water in a reservoir of some type and then trickles the water through a hose and inside your bowel. DO NOT USE DIRECT JET STREAMS OF WATER.