Devon Hunter

Well, after two months of almost no entries, here’s a second one in one day. I wasn’t going to blog this, but I just decided to vent it out of my system.

Earlier, while my window was open, I heard two people having a very heated and profanity-laden argument in the parking lot. It was a lovers spat quickly devolving into a problem. He started cursing horribly at her at the top of his lungs while she was just crying and trying to carry all her stuff out in one trip to the car. When he threatened her, something in me just snapped. I walked out of my apartment in my underwear and a baseball cap with no shoes on, stomped directly to where they were, got in his face and informed him that if he threatened her one more time I would call the police.

He got very quiet.

A friend told me that I must have been quite the sight when fuming with rage. I thought he was shocked by my near nudity. I hadn’t considered that I might be intimidating on some level… I hope I didn’t scare him. Well, I kinda hope I did. He was being so mean to that woman. She was crying, and he threatened “to fuck you and your car up!” while throwing a bottle at her… I’m not having it. Period. I love women so much, and it pisses me off beyond belief to see men act that way. It’s unacceptable in general, but completely unconscionable when he’s humiliating and hurting her publicly while she’s begging to know what she did to him that was so bad that he would treat her that way. No, I think not… I am not having it.

I still have adrenaline pumping through my system. Writing about it helps. I have a very low threshold of tolerance for abuse, especially when it’s done publicly to humiliate someone. I almost got involved a while back at Secrets in DC when two gay dancers were getting stupid in the dressing room (See: “Some of them want to abuse you”), and the blog entry about it put the abuser in check and the abused woke up. So, no regrets; however, it still makes me feel giddy with fear and anger when I see this kind of crap.

Why can’t people just be kind to each other?

Quite some time back, I did an interview with former Titan Man, Josh O’Hara. Since that time he and I have become good friends, and I enjoy seeing him every visit to San Francisco. He’s a beautiful man, but I think we as a community should start distinguishing what we mean by that. When I say Josh is beautiful, it is because he is as kind, good, and intelligent as he is handsome. Here is a poem he wrote (some of the imagery of which reminds me of my Valentine haiku from February, 2010). I love it, and I hope you do, too.

“In Winter”
by Josh O’Hara

In winter,
there will be no children passing from my door
to play in the hinterland of the summer stricken fields.

The dandelions will continue-

as they have for centuries,

to slumber on hilltops

while

winds rage through a cold,

and wild Nantucket.

Summer is a fable here.

While calmly,

I contemplate the rising heat from your skin
that swirls into the glacial sky.

I am struck by the beauty that is you

and

I can begin to imagine
what it would be like:

To hold your hand through an Indian Summer.

Bending low. Leaning low.
Though not breaking-

Yet, falling still-

my petals

scatter with the wind

Casting me into the wilderness

Of you.

I just wanted to give an update on all this. I was in the middle of shooting my scene at HotHouse with Gavin Waters when I got the email from a reader informing me about Sean Cody and QueerClick revealing my legal name. A minute later Gavin got the text telling him that his ex girlfriend had outed him as a porn model. That was an interesting scene to try to finish. I’ve never been able to watch it. I can look at each moment and remember too much about what I was actually feeling, and I don’t want to go back to that space. It’s a porn time capsule that I would prefer to leave buried.

When it all went down I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed; however, I took time to myself as I needed, and around September the noise finally buzzed itself out. At any rate, I ended up doing almost a dozen videos last year, despite the predictions of Sean Cody’s disciples. It was funny for them to say, “You’ll never work again!” because I could reply, “The scene with (insert model name) is going great today!” LOL I had a flourishing year as a companion, and I got to spend lots of time with high quality friends and clients. Except for that “blip,” 2010 was an amazing year. I even got engaged on December 21, but that symbolic process is already described on my blog. Also, I am one payment away from bringing the balance to ZERO on the $30k fraud from my last boyfriend (whom I left in October 2006). Yes, I’m doing just fine without Sean Cody.

So, 2011 started with a visit from a great friend from Minneapolis. The day I took her back to the airport, however, my Grampa passed away. It’s kinda amazing how you pull energy and inspiration from life’s various experiences. It’s taken some weeks to get back into balanced head space, but I’m feeling amazing again. I’m so happy! There’s both good and bad stress, you know? At any rate, I’m feeling very energized, and I have all sorts of creative projects in mind. Specifically I am working on getting the dance company involved in performances outside our home geographic region, putting the plans together to start a gay-affirming adult media company (the home video I shot with DavidSF was an experiment in minimalism that I enjoyed), and collaborating with a composer friend to create an album of spoken word, poetry, songs, and other audio treats. I’m also achieving my goal of seeing fewer clients for longer appointments, and THAT is wonderful: There is so much more to exchange in those types of meetings. If you book only 1-hours, consider going longer with the guys you like: There’s so much more to gain.

Anyway, I plan in the future to give Sean Cody and the other homophobic “amateur” sites a nice square punch in the gut (and yes, some of the other sites are just as bad). Competition is beautiful, yes? They have stopped their vagina monologues at the beginning of the scenes at Sean Cody, because I was a “gold star gay” in their ass. I am quite proud to have embarrassed them into doing what is right. The day I finally get this media company going online, I am quite happy to say that I don’t see how they’ll be able to show their faces in public once my business model, process, and structure are known. Their intent in revealing my legal name was to ruin me; however, they don’t know the first thing about me, if they think I respond to bullying by running away. Six months ago they started the process of ruining themselves, because they inadvertently inspired me to make work better than their own.

(In the spirit of providing useful information and a place for intelligent dialogue, www.DevonHunter.info accepts well written blog entries about topics of concern to adult entertainment. The views expressed in the following article are not necessarily shared by the operators of the hosting site. Archived guest writers’ articles will be listed under Interviews & Essays.)

The best way to alienate your fans

In my previous post, I talked about a few ways to draw people to your work and connect with them in order to promote loyalty and increase visibility. For my last post with Devon, I want to share a story with you to illustrate a great way to lose not only fans, but subscribers for your various studios.

I am an erotic author.  As part of that discipline, it’s my job to imagine wicked, sexy scenes for my novels.  Last week I had a thought for one of my favorite adult models on a scene for a specific studio which with he is affiliated.  The idea was simply a role reversal with another model (an idea that was not unique to that site); however, for this particular model, I hadn’t ever heard of him doing any kind of switch like this, despite seeing countless comments wishing that he would do so.  I wrote out a quick sketch of my idea and emailed it to the model.  We’d emailed a few times previously, so I figured there would be no harm in doing so.

I was mistaken.

To say that he was not receptive to the idea would be a grave understatement.  As someone who also receives emails from fans, I saw that there were two ways he could have dealt with my email.  The first would have been to simply say that he didn’t think the idea would work.  This I would have understood and accepted.  Instead, I received a rage-filled, hateful email (with a cruel follow up message just for good measure).  I was shocked by the sheer aggressiveness and almost violence of his response, as were the friends I shared it with.
The results of that email included me pulling my subscriptions from the sites he is affiliated with, informing those studios of his interactions with their subscribers, and the withdrawal of my friends’ subscriptions.  I realize that to an industry such as gay adult films that this is merely a drop in their bucket against a bankable model’s lure, but I just could not justify paying hard-earned money to someone who would treat a fan so harshly for merely trying help increase his fan base.

My advice to you, from one professional to another, is this: If you receive an email, tweet, Facebook post, blog comment, etc. that angers or upsets you, do not respond while you are angry.  Once you hit that send button, you cannot take it back, and you have absolutely no control over what happens to the email. Have someone else look over your reply to see if there is the possibility that what you say may come back to haunt you. Think about the possible repercussions of your email.  Would you say the same comments in a blog post or on Twitter?  You just might, because there is nothing to stop the recipient from posting your email anywhere they choose.

I did not name the model or re-post the conversation publicly, because I’m not a vengeful person.    My email obviously upset him, and I’m honestly sorry that it did.  It was never my intention.  This post serves merely to remind you that once you post something on the internet (either via email, or sites such as Twitter), you can’t ever get it back.  There are thousands of bots monitoring Twitter to re-post tweets.  Even if you delete the original post, it’s still out there forever.  So, take a deep breath, or even a walk before you respond to someone in anger, because your reputation could depend on it.

Wishing you a wonderful and productive 2011,

- J. P. Barnaby
www.jpbarnaby.com
Twitter: @JPBarnaby

Erotic fiction is more than just moans, grunts, and physical pleasure. To J. P. Barnaby, erotic fiction consists not only of the mechanics of physical love, but the complex characters and relationships that lead to those all-encompassing feelings of need and longing. Sex without context is merely sex – but sex coupled with attraction, with explosive repercussions – that is good erotic fiction.

Hi Devon,

Regards,
Vince

——————–

Hi Vince,

For your first anal session to go well, you should first look at the process for preparing to be the receptive partner. I wrote an entry about this that you can read by clicking here. That will take care of the internal hygiene, but here are what I consider to be the three important ingredients once you’ve prepped: 1) patience/sensitivity, 2) lube, 3) condoms.

I don’t want to scare you, and I hope you will see the humor in this, but I once saw a bumper sticker that said, “It only hurts the first 19 times.” Anal sex is INTENSE. I don’t suggest you both trying to be penetrated the same day. If you both want to experiment with being fucked, I suggest doing it on separate days. I say this, because whoever is getting penetrated is going to need a lot of time. You will need your boyfriend to go extraordinarily slow. Seriously: Every centimeter will feel like a foot at first. Even with relaxation, love, curiosity, and lust goading you on, you will need several minutes just to get him inside you (and then you’ll probably want him to be completely still for a while as you relax more deeply). To ease this process, he should first very thoroughly eat your ass for an extended amount of time, then gently and gradually finger fuck you with one finger and then two (keep the fingernails clipped short and with smooth edges, so the nails don’t tear your delicates!). Once you have relaxed a bit you can graduate up to getting the tip of his cock in; however, his prick is going to feel 10 times fatter than his fingers, so go slow!

Second, you can never have enough lube when you’re beginning. Well, yes, you can, but it won’t seem like it at first. As you get more experienced you will do more with less; however, at first you will want to keep your boyfriend freshly slicked up (and given how slowly he’ll be pushing into you, it’s okay to expect him to freshen the lube a little with each little nudge deeper inside you). It will be intense, but if you can you need to let him move inside you a little to maintain his erection. If he sits too still for too long with your bear trap clamping down on him in a death grip, he will probably deflate and all this will be for naught.

Lastly, you should use condoms. I know you’ve been with him for a while, but one of the most common ways of getting HIV is from “monogamous partners.” If you reject this emotionally or intellectually, or if your spirit is somehow reviled at the thought of not trusting your boyfriend, then consider this alternative, which will keep his dick naked and free to move about without restriction: Female condoms are pushed inside you by your partner’s penis, then stay in place as he moves in and out of you. It won’t look very cute with the opening of the condom hanging out of your booty, but it provides protection while not sheathing your boyfriend’s cock in a standard male condom (which may kill his erection if he’s never felt the type of squeezing condoms tend to apply at the base of the penis).

So, set aside at least a few hours of play time, get a brand new bottle of lube, keep the protection handy, and have a good time!

Regards,
Devon