Devon Hunter

I have to finally broach this topic. I don’t know why I’ve been putting it off, but I finally came across enough stupid “lap dances” on Youtube and saw enough retarded straight dancers giving zombie-like “lap dances” at Swinging Richards, and I have finally had enough. Whether you are a professional or not, the whole point of giving someone a dance is to make them feel sexy, as if they are the only person in the world while you are giving them your attention.

First, the “NO” category:
*Bad floor dance w/gratuitous lesbian action
*Gay guy is too shy
*Raping the willing
*I think I just threw up in my mouth
*Washing machines aren’t sexy
*This time I did throw up in my mouth

Then, the “MAYBE” category:
*Hot hips, but too much furniture
*Variety, please… the spice of life
*Cut the first 30 seconds, and this would be a “YES”
*“Hot” bear action… :-/
*Give him 12 weeks to work out, and it’s a “YES”

Now, the “YES” category:
*Hot black dancer on white chick – look at how aroused and genuinely happy she is at the end! This is a fantastic lap dance – 10/10!
*Ignore the end, the first 45 seconds are good

So, here is a summary:
*Avoid fast, jerky, and/or nervous/partial body contact
*Keep the receiver in a safe, upright position without restraints on his hands
*Employ full range of motion in the hips in various directions (otherwise you get washing machine hips)
*Keep the space around you clear
*Use a variety of touches, rhythms, and facings
*Make eye contact as much as possible
*Focus on slow, deliberate, confident, strong touches (but not so hard as to hurt)

note: Some places do not allow touching or straddling at all. In those instances, maintain the legal distance while still keeping the fundamentals in mind. Even if you can’t touch, you can imagine that you are in contact with the receiver and then channel that energy into the space between you.

Let the buyer beware…

There are some red flags you should be aware of when you go to a club. SOB licenses (sexually oriented business) are required in many places in order for lap dances to be permissible. Depending on the state/county/city laws, getting a lap dance in a club that isn’t properly licensed can get the dancer and/or the patron arrested. Of course everyone will say they are licensed, but how do you make an intelligent choice? Here are three cautionary situations to look for:

1) How often is the club shut down, raided, or inspected by authorities? More than a few times a year and you should be asking yourself some questions about what they’re doing and why they’d attract so much attention.

2) Do the dancers need look outs? If a dancer tells you that you have to be given a dance behind other dancers, or if the door has to be watched, you should definitely NOT get lap dances at that club. That kind of behavior betrays a sense of guilt or anxiety bred by concern for repercussions that wouldn’t exist if the club in question is properly licensed.

3) If dancers have to be convinced or tempted with unusually high fees to give you a dance, you should stop asking for one. Dancers should be willing to give dances – if they aren’t, there’s a reason. If they push hard to give you a dance outside of the club it’s possibly because they can’t give you one on site.

This past weekend I was supposed to see Janet Jackson in concert; however, she was sick, so after driving to Greensboro, NC I immediately had to turn around and drive back to Charlotte. That sucked. Really bad. We’re having a gas shortage, so I’m out the gas, I’m out the concert, and I’m out the night of work. To make it worse my new roommate’s dog attacked me when I got home, and when I decided to leave and go dancing just for fun for the first time in a year I found that my car had been egged so hard that the paint on my car is completely chipped off in some places. SUCK!

Anyway, I decide that October 4, 2008 is the best candidate for a “I’m gonna get drunk” night that I’ve had in a very long time. I go to clubs for fun so rarely that I almost want to use the word never; however, that’s not true, but you get the point. I’d not had a night off at home and been in the mood to go to a club in a year or more. So, away I went to Charlotte’s newest gay dance club: The Garden and Gun Club. It’s actually very posh, and I loved the environment; however, I had some situations come up that reminded me why I avoid going to clubs when I’m not working…

1. Within 10 minutes of getting there I was recognized by people who used to see me dance at Chasers, waaaaaaay back in the day. I was then, after much coddling (and 3 buttery nipples – yet another indulgence that happens rarely) wrangled into giving 3 lap dances to some chics who were there for a bachelorette party.
2. I was approached by an ecstasy queen whom I’d blocked on Manhunt, because he kept harrassing me to date him, even when I’d told him in person at a club that I wasn’t interested.
3. Some other people came up to me and started groping me (the #1 reason why I do not go to clubs when I’m not working: Other people don’t understand the difference between me being there as an entertainer and me being there as a patron). They then told me that I’d lost all my muscle mass (a ridiculous comment to make, given the fact that I’ve gained 30 pounds of lean mass in the year or more since they’d seen me last), and started making comments about my build and assessing me as if I were a horse up for sale. It was like I wasn’t even standing there. I was being completely objectified. I understand very well that this is part and parcel with what I do for a living, but it still seemed completely insensitive and beyond inappropriate for them to talk about me like I couldn’t speak English. Now I’m curious:

Would these people have felt it was okay to speak about me in such completely dehumanizing terms if they saw me as a person and not a personality or a sexual commodity?

I have been doing bookings more and more at clubs that bring me in as a special performer, and I have been running consistently into the same challenges at all these venues that do not normally have exotic dancers. Here are some suggestions for managers/owners who do not have experience working with male entertainers:

1. Avoid scheduling male dancers the same night as female impersonators. These two very different types of performers do not attract the same kind of crowd, and since queens are consistent headliners more often than strippers it will be a crowd that is not receptive to anything except cabaret. I cannot say this more clearly: Do not put kings and queens on the same stage on the same night.
2. Be sure that there is a place of prominence for the male dancer(s). Putting us on the dance floor kills our ability to make money. We need to either be higher than the rest of the crowd, more brightly lit, or both. Also, patrons should not be allowed to get on the stage/pedestal/podium – it distracts from the dancer.
3. ADVERTISE. ADVERTISE. ADVERTISE. Put notices up in your club weeks in advance. Put the word out several times on your Myspace profile. Make announcements in various print and radio media. ADVERTISE. If we’re not regulars, how else will anyone know we’re coming?
4. Create a private place for private dances. If you do not do this, expect to pay a higher booking fee to make up for the straight out loss of revenue.
5. Provide an emcee who will educate the crowd about tipping. I find it is extremely intimidating for people who aren’t used to it to tip male dancers. Many patrons who have rarely or never seen male dancers are completely terrified of tipping – they must be encouraged via the p.a. system to get up and tip!