The online diary of a gay courtesan.

In “The Master Key System,” Charles Haanel asserts that “when Truth appears every form of error or discord must necessarily disappear.” He created a mantra that touches every aspect of self improvement:

“I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.”

Wow! Now THAT is saying something worth saying. But I was having a helluva time remembering it, which made it a mantra I couldn’t repeat without stumbling…

So I approached it as if I were still an educator, and I was my own pupil. I realized that this list is a hierarchy of need (with wholeness as the foundation upon which all other expressions of positivity rest). With this in mind I created the following explanation for myself, and now I can recite The Perfect Affirmation just fine:

• Being whole implies not only totality and completeness, but also integration and proper function. If all seven components of wellness (click here to see them) are balanced, then wholeness is achieved. This wholeness then becomes synonymous with perfection.
• Perfection is not static (because life isn’t either!), and although we can be perfect one moment we may not be the next. Evolving constantly within wholeness recreates new incarnations of perfection.
• All this evolving requires endurance and determination, so when we establish periods of perfection (and thus wholeness), we are using the expanding strength endowed to us.
• The ability to focus and use strength to create change is, in itself, what defines power: Powerful people create change, both within themselves and throughout the world.
• The most powerful emotions are love and fear; however, fear cannot come from the “wholeness->perfection->strength->power” chain reaction. This must mean that being whole leads to being loving. If you feel fear, as opposed to love, then something is askew. Make your adjustments in the circuit, and let the love flow, baby!
• Whereas fear is ultimately going to create noise/frustration/struggle, love is a source of harmony unto itself. But remember this: Harmony is not playing the same note as what already exists. That would simply be layering the note that already reverberates. Harmony adds something different, but constructive and augmenting. YOU add something meaningful when you are whole->perfect->strong->powerful->loving. When you are harmonious, you don’t sing middle-C when someone else sings middle-C. You sing Eb/E, F/F#, G, or Ab/A. You bring something synergistic to what is already happening.
• Extending the musical metaphor for a moment: Harmony is the part of a song or composition that augments the melody and makes you feel something positive beyond the basic good. It’s what adds dimension to the melody. Have you ever heard a song that makes your face crack open with a smile because of a moment that feels so luscious? That’s the happy that grows out of the harmony (which grew out of the love, which grew out of the power, which grew out of the strength, which grew out of the perfection, which grew out of the wholeness).

Whew! Well… For what it’s worth: Makes sense to me…

“Zack and Peterson are pleased to welcome a special guest to today’s show. Beaming in from Charlotte, NC is Devon Hunter, who is an adult film actor, escort, and dancer. He’s also an avid writer and blogger who reaches out to educate about the adult entertainment industry and queer culture. Throughout the discussion, we discuss the morality of pornography, its role in queer culture, straight actors who are ‘gay for pay,’ the different ways that people touch each other, and Devon even shares one of his poems with us. Devon is a bright guy with lots of insights to share, and it’s likely this is not his last appearance on Queer and Queerer. Check out Devon’s blog and leave your thoughts and questions!”

- from www.ZackFordBlogs.com (click to hear the 45-minute conversation)

I absolutely LOVE this video. I have been watching it multiple times each day, because the dancers look so happy and free. I also love it when gay men act like gay men (or when straight men aren’t afraid to let loose). This video is so well done on so many levels: 1) there are a variety of bodies, 2) a variety of races, 3) a variety of movers, 4) a real sense of fun and ecstatic energy, and 5) they’re all fucking gorgeous. Period. People who say otherwise are just being hateful out of jealousy or habit (which is a symptom of the underlying reason WHY THIS VIDEO NEEDS TO BE SEEN).

This video made me feel really good on a day when I was having all sorts of self-esteem issues, and you know why? Because these are gay porn models being visible, and cute, and sweet, and seductive, and friendly, and fun. They are utterly charming here. They’re not just grunting and cumming. They’re being real people: They know the words to a sassy song, and they like to dance. I love this video, and I admire all the models in it.

I love this video so much that I posted it on my personal (not professional) Facebook, so that my friends and family could see it. I will probably share it on my blog. I already had crushes on several of the models, but now I want to marry all of them. (I’m a greedy bitch like that.) Randy Blue has some absolutely marvelous models.

I like it that we are out of the closet. I like it that Kylie has seen it and enjoys it. I like it so much that I finally broke down, went to iTunes, and bought several Kylie albums that I’d been meaning to get for a while. Sex sells. But so does happiness, and that is what gushes out of this montage.

Haters be damned. This project fucking rocks my world.

Hello and Happy Holidays! Wow, 2010 has all but flown by already… You’re getting old! (I’m not. Somehow, I’m still 24. )

I want to take a moment to give thanks and appreciation to family, friends, patrons, readers, and other positive people in my life. Having a network of supportive people is so important, and I am deeply grateful for all of them. I’m even grateful for the challenges, obstacles, naysayers, haters, and porn drama: All of that stands as a contrast to remind me to appreciate what I have that is good in my life. Despite (or on some level, because of) the rough days back around my birthday this past June/July, I think I have never been happier than I have been in 2010. It was an amazing year for me (and yes, I already mark it off as being done, since Samhain was the last day of the year, and all you heathens are still waiting for December 31.) HA!

Lately I have made it a priority to make more time throughout the day to reconnect with my spirituality. It has repaid me well: I haven’t felt this optimistic, empowered, and confident since the Summer/Autumn of 2005 (which is when I met my last boyfriend – you know, the one who defrauded me for $30k and cheated on me with 20-30 men while I was working multiple jobs to support the both of us). But that was then, and this is now. I just paid of my Lasik surgery (the best money I have EVER spent), and so I own my eyeballs free and clear now (and they actually work, too!). I am so freaking excited to have paid yet another debt down to ZERO! Anyway, I find that re-establishing my sense of self has made it far less likely that others can get me down. On Twitter today, someone I was following as a compliment for following me first made the following statement: “Every time I get horny I just think about AIDS and I go back to normal.” That sentiment betrays a hypocritical attitude on many levels, coming from someone who blogs about sexuality. My response was simply this: ” ” His response to me was: “It made my day that a hooker thought my attitude disgusting! LOL”

I didn’t get mad. I just unfollowed him. It really is as easy as that. I’m not upset now. I mention it only as an example of how I feel responsible to myself and my own emotions, without being mired in guilt for distancing myself from immature ugliness. I really don’t have time for silly, stupid people. If you are so insensitive as that, then you really don’t deserve to know me. Your loss.

And this brings me back to some sentiments I have expressed repeatedly on this blog: 1) Pride is self-love based on truth, whereas arrogance is self-love based on nothing, and 2) Devon’s platinum rule: “Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.” Judgmental, hateful, insecure people are not going to be welcome here, if they seek to hurt others to aggrandize themselves. Keep that poison to yourself, thanks. You can disagree with me all day long (as many have done over the years), so long as you keep it civil.

To end on an introspective note, here are my Meditations. I have seven, one for each aspect of my integrated self. If they give you a structure that helps you, please use them in your own way. When you get what you want, please let me know!

In my quest to attract that which I want and deserve, I intend to focus on the following very specific desires:

1. PHYSICAL: I am maintaining or improving, as well as learning to see and  appreciate, the beauty in me that so many others already exalt, and I am humbly luxuriating in that Gift.
2. SPIRITUAL: I am re-establishing a variety of meditative practices and reconnecting to my journey along the Path.
3. INTELLECTUAL: I am expanding my mind by reading, writing,  conversing with a variety of people, learning new languages and skills, and researching new compositions.
4. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL: I  am attuning to my inner self and understanding better those stressors  that cause me duress, so that I can better maintain balance and clarity; and I am understanding those impulses at a deeply intuitive level, so that I can help others as much as myself.
5. SOCIAL: I am improving the networking for the dance company, so that a large  and enthusiastic following begins coming to our performances across a  larger geographic region.
6. SEXUAL: I am attracting and having  safe, passionate sexual experiences with men who are able to access, with me, our mutual intensities.
7. FINANCIAL: I am going to be unsecured-debt free by my birthday of 2012. I am accomplishing this by maintaining or increasing my net  income until I retire, but by seeing fewer clients who book longer sessions.

Hey everyone!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Reflecting on the last year I have to say that quite a lot of good came out of it. I have never been more content and quietly confident than I am right now. It feels good to say that: We create our own realities, and I have chosen happiness. There is so much to be grateful for, and every now and then I like to take moment to remind myself of that (and hopefully that encourages anyone who happens to come here while they’re feeling down).

Starting a year off the way I want is always refreshing, and I’m happy to say that I’ve set a high standard for myself in art, business, organization, and career. Speaking of which, here is an interview that I gave to XX Factor. I’m a blabber butt, as always. But I think that’s part of my mission in all this: Revealing (in many ways and on many levels) that there is nothing to hide.