Devon Hunter

I got this amazing email today, and I wanted to share its spirit with you – I am continuously reminded how good people can be, and I hope this unexpected continuation on “True You” makes you feel as good as it does me. This message was sent in response to “True You, ” by Janet Jackson (part 1 of 3). My response will be part 3.

———-

“Hey young man,

I just wanted to give an update on all this. I was in the middle of shooting my scene at HotHouse with Gavin Waters when I got the email from a reader informing me about Sean Cody and QueerClick revealing my legal name. A minute later Gavin got the text telling him that his ex girlfriend had outed him as a porn model. That was an interesting scene to try to finish. I’ve never been able to watch it. I can look at each moment and remember too much about what I was actually feeling, and I don’t want to go back to that space. It’s a porn time capsule that I would prefer to leave buried.

When it all went down I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed; however, I took time to myself as I needed, and around September the noise finally buzzed itself out. At any rate, I ended up doing almost a dozen videos last year, despite the predictions of Sean Cody’s disciples. It was funny for them to say, “You’ll never work again!” because I could reply, “The scene with (insert model name) is going great today!” LOL I had a flourishing year as a companion, and I got to spend lots of time with high quality friends and clients. Except for that “blip,” 2010 was an amazing year. I even got engaged on December 21, but that symbolic process is already described on my blog. Also, I am one payment away from bringing the balance to ZERO on the $30k fraud from my last boyfriend (whom I left in October 2006). Yes, I’m doing just fine without Sean Cody.

So, 2011 started with a visit from a great friend from Minneapolis. The day I took her back to the airport, however, my Grampa passed away. It’s kinda amazing how you pull energy and inspiration from life’s various experiences. It’s taken some weeks to get back into balanced head space, but I’m feeling amazing again. I’m so happy! There’s both good and bad stress, you know? At any rate, I’m feeling very energized, and I have all sorts of creative projects in mind. Specifically I am working on getting the dance company involved in performances outside our home geographic region, putting the plans together to start a gay-affirming adult media company (the home video I shot with DavidSF was an experiment in minimalism that I enjoyed), and collaborating with a composer friend to create an album of spoken word, poetry, songs, and other audio treats. I’m also achieving my goal of seeing fewer clients for longer appointments, and THAT is wonderful: There is so much more to exchange in those types of meetings. If you book only 1-hours, consider going longer with the guys you like: There’s so much more to gain.

Anyway, I plan in the future to give Sean Cody and the other homophobic “amateur” sites a nice square punch in the gut (and yes, some of the other sites are just as bad). Competition is beautiful, yes? They have stopped their vagina monologues at the beginning of the scenes at Sean Cody, because I was a “gold star gay” in their ass. I am quite proud to have embarrassed them into doing what is right. The day I finally get this media company going online, I am quite happy to say that I don’t see how they’ll be able to show their faces in public once my business model, process, and structure are known. Their intent in revealing my legal name was to ruin me; however, they don’t know the first thing about me, if they think I respond to bullying by running away. Six months ago they started the process of ruining themselves, because they inadvertently inspired me to make work better than their own.

From The Bonnie Blue's Flickr stream

Hi Devon,

Writing this e-mail feels a little strange, mainly because it’s not what I was expecting to say to you at all.

I had intended to relay the curious tale of how a straight white Scottish girl (me!) found herself perusing the web-page of an intelligent, funny, erudite and thought provoking gay guy from America. But now, having read the sad news of the loss of your beloved grandfather, I think that it should remain a story for another day. For now, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. I know that nothing much can help at the moment. So often people talk about how to cope with this kind of situation. I have found that you don’t so much cope as simply endure. But endurance requires courage, tenacity, strength of character, foresight, insight and an unshakable belief that it will, in the end, be worth it. That life will get better again.

From the very little I know of you through your own writings and through the testimony of others who have written to you and about you, I have no doubt that you have these personal qualities and attributes in abundance, and I suspect many other virtues which I, as yet, know nothing of. And this reassures me that through your own efforts, and with the help and support of your family and friends, you will make it through this difficult time, and, as it would seem you have done during other times in your life, you will find something positive and life affirming within the sadness.

Keeping you in my thoughts,
Love Helen
xXx

PS

I don’t know if you have heard of/read someone named Kahlil Gibran (especially his book The Prophet – not at all religious I promise, just incredibly spiritual and affecting). Anyway, he wrote this, and somehow I thought it spoke directly to your situation. Hope it helps even a little.

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”
- Kahlil Gibran

"Snowheart," by Susan Tuttle of www.ilkasattic.blogspot.com

Hi Helen,

Helen, Helen, HELEN! I don’t know what I did to deserve an email like that, but I am crying. And in a very good way. That couldn’t be any more eloquent, generous, or beautiful. I had fallen from my 7-week spiritual high, what with Grampa’s passing and some of the dysfunction I’d seen within my family last week. I’d sunk into funk these last 10 days. I hadn’t been sleeping or eating (which makes me confrontational), and it was all compounding into depression. I know me, and I can’t let that happen.

This morning, I was laying in bed focusing on how GOOD my life is, how WONDERFUL it is. (I have more to be grateful for than almost anyone I know!) I went through my Wellness Affirmations from this past Thanksgiving, really absorbing them again, trying to haul myself back into being whole by re-examining my Perfect Meditation from a couple weeks ago. I needed to re-achieve “wellness” and “whole,” so that the rest of the meditation would follow. But I kept stopping at the last part: I am happy.

I stumbled on it repeatedly. It felt disrespectful to say or feel it; however, I know that Grampa wouldn’t want me to be unhappy. He would never want that – he would want me to be invigorated by his memory, not miserable in his loss. I walked over to pick up a well-timed delivery of chocolate from a friend in Boston, and as I crunched toward the leasing office I got through saying “I am happy” several times. It was as if the ice veneer snapping under my feet had cracked open specifically to erupt with the fluffy white powder underneath (just for my entertainment!). It was like tiptoeing on crème brûlée, and how can THAT not be fabulous? I don’t understand the minutiae making it true, but saying “I am happy” within explodes “I am happy” without.

I am happy! (*step; crunch; puff of snow; smile…)

And then I get this email… just in the nick of time. Just as that initial excitement was calming back down. Being neutral is balanced, but I was falling down past neutral. I want to post this on my blog, because I want people to see specifically how reaching out and doing something kind (even to strangers!) creates a fracturing effect: Love breaks sadness. It is real. I am so happy you wrote to me, and I didn’t even know you existed until now. What if all introductions could be like this?? What hardness could be broken, so that softness could erupt?

This is amazing: Even before you shared the Gibran quote, that cracking shell imagery was already at work in my head today while walking outside in the snow. There are no coincidences. Thanks again for taking the time to write me something so helpful and inspiring. I also want to thank everyone else who, whether publicly or privately, has sent me encouragement and sympathy. Please know that it matters. It really does, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your good will.

I hope you are well,
Love Devon
xXx

In “The Master Key System,” Charles Haanel asserts that “when Truth appears every form of error or discord must necessarily disappear.” He created a mantra that touches every aspect of self improvement:

“I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.”

Wow! Now THAT is saying something worth saying. But I was having a helluva time remembering it, which made it a mantra I couldn’t repeat without stumbling…

So I approached it as if I were still an educator, and I was my own pupil. I realized that this list is a hierarchy of need (with wholeness as the foundation upon which all other expressions of positivity rest). With this in mind I created the following explanation for myself, and now I can recite The Perfect Affirmation just fine:

• Being whole implies not only totality and completeness, but also integration and proper function. If all seven components of wellness (click here to see them) are balanced, then wholeness is achieved. This wholeness then becomes synonymous with perfection.
• Perfection is not static (because life isn’t either!), and although we can be perfect one moment we may not be the next. Evolving constantly within wholeness recreates new incarnations of perfection.
• All this evolving requires endurance and determination, so when we establish periods of perfection (and thus wholeness), we are using the expanding strength endowed to us.
• The ability to focus and use strength to create change is, in itself, what defines power: Powerful people create change, both within themselves and throughout the world.
• The most powerful emotions are love and fear; however, fear cannot come from the “wholeness->perfection->strength->power” chain reaction. This must mean that being whole leads to being loving. If you feel fear, as opposed to love, then something is askew. Make your adjustments in the circuit, and let the love flow, baby!
• Whereas fear is ultimately going to create noise/frustration/struggle, love is a source of harmony unto itself. But remember this: Harmony is not playing the same note as what already exists. That would simply be layering the note that already reverberates. Harmony adds something different, but constructive and augmenting. YOU add something meaningful when you are whole->perfect->strong->powerful->loving. When you are harmonious, you don’t sing middle-C when someone else sings middle-C. You sing Eb/E, F/F#, G, or Ab/A. You bring something synergistic to what is already happening.
• Extending the musical metaphor for a moment: Harmony is the part of a song or composition that augments the melody and makes you feel something positive beyond the basic good. It’s what adds dimension to the melody. Have you ever heard a song that makes your face crack open with a smile because of a moment that feels so luscious? That’s the happy that grows out of the harmony (which grew out of the love, which grew out of the power, which grew out of the strength, which grew out of the perfection, which grew out of the wholeness).

Whew! Well… For what it’s worth: Makes sense to me…

“Zack and Peterson are pleased to welcome a special guest to today’s show. Beaming in from Charlotte, NC is Devon Hunter, who is an adult film actor, escort, and dancer. He’s also an avid writer and blogger who reaches out to educate about the adult entertainment industry and queer culture. Throughout the discussion, we discuss the morality of pornography, its role in queer culture, straight actors who are ‘gay for pay,’ the different ways that people touch each other, and Devon even shares one of his poems with us. Devon is a bright guy with lots of insights to share, and it’s likely this is not his last appearance on Queer and Queerer. Check out Devon’s blog and leave your thoughts and questions!”

- from www.ZackFordBlogs.com (click to hear the 45-minute conversation)