Devon Hunter

This week I’m in Washington, D.C. helping with various Pride activities to which I committed myself. Last night was an event I’d not originally planned on being part of, but I’m really excited I got to be here nonetheless. Last night Dr. Terry, the man behind the FUK!T campaign, hosted a fundraiser here at The Artists’ Inn Residence for an organization that is planning to open a permenant museum for LGBTQ history that will be opening in the capital soon. The guest of honor was Frank Kameny, one of the single most important figures in the Gay Rights movement of the United States.

Dr. Frank Kameny is one of those people about whom not enough is said, especially by younger LGBTQ people who (through little fault of their own) know almost nothing about their community’s history. Kameny is one of the first, if not THE first, full time Gay Liberation activists. He holds a doctorate in astronomy from Harvard, and was fired in the 1950′s from his federal job for being homosexual. Kameny immediately began writing letters and protested his dismissal to the Supreme Court. He began picketing and protesting in front of the White House and Pentagon years prior to the Stonewall Riots of 1969 in New York City. When you see 1960′s era black and white footage of people marching on the sidewalks in D.C. in support of LGBTQ rights, that is film of Kameny and his friends/allies.

And I got to meet him! IN PERSON! OMG! It’s the equivalent of meeting Rosa Parks or Martin Luther King, Jr. It’s like meeting Susan B. Anthony or César Chávez. This is a big deal! I can’t believe it… I was punch crazy all night – I’d not been drinking, but I was excited, giggly, energetic… And then I realized something: This is what Pride feels like. HAPPY PRIDE!

In the first “Food for thought” entry I discussed my supper at Taverna Plaka in Atlanta, Georgia. That was a wonderful experience, but not quite perfect (but through no fault of the restaurant itself). Something was missing for that dinner: Company. Meals are the very essence of quality time for friends and family, and I wasn’t able to share my pleasure at Taverna Plaka (but next time I will go with a friend).

Today I had lunch with my friend Joe. We went to Fogo de Chão in Washington, D.C… Ohmygosh!! It was one of the single most spectacular lunch experiences I have ever had. It was an event. The setting is immaculately clean and beautifully designed, the Brazilian/Portugese servers are prompt and courteous (almost to the point of embarrassing me), and the food is both visually and nom-nom-nomerifically stunning. It was almost overwhelming, it was that splendid.

We started with the “salad bar,” though I feel I do it a disservice to call something that looked more like landscape architecture a salad bar. I don’t know what else to call it though. It was perfect. I would almost venture to guess that each greenbean was placed strategically on the serving platter, and that each shaving of Parmesan was carved with care (so as to give the illusion of perfectly homey crumbles). I was nearly scared to touch anything. But I did. And it was yummy!

The meat portion is interesting. Each person at the table is given a round piece of paper that resembles a coaster. One side is red, the other is green. When the red side is up no one will come offer you his meat (if only it were that easy in the clubs, right?). But when you turn the green side up within moments a gentleman with a particular type of meat (sausage, chicken, lamb chops, leg of lamb, filet mignon, etc.) will come and offer you some of whatever is on his skewer. After I got a cut I left my green light on, and immeditely someone else came and offered me something else. I said, “No, thank you,” and he went away confused. Then immediately a third came… and then I was getting panicked… Finally Joe said, “You have to turn your coaster back to red.” Ohmygosh! Fabulous!

At any rate, Joe and I sat for what must have been nearly two hours talking. And you know what? The meal was superb, but it was made all the better for sharing it. With Taverna Plaka I was reminded that food is joy. But with Fogo de Chão I was reminded that people with food lifts that joy to inspiration.

I don’t socialize near enough in my personal life. I just don’t. I get tired of deflecting assumptions and defending my choice of career. I get tired of expectations, and I am generally worn out of people’s company after the weekend; however, this trip to Washington, D.C. has reminded me that I really do love people. Yes, I needed a reminder.

While I’m praising Joe’s company and Fogo de Chão I should also heap some praise on Dr. Terry Gerace. What a perfect host he is. He, as you may remember from my other postings about him, is a huge portion of the energy behind the FUK!TS I came here to help promote. He is also the owner and operator of what is probably one of the single most amazing Guest Houses/Bed and Breakfasts you’ll ever hear about: The Artists Inn Residence. It’s uncanny – he found a muralist who can do trompe-l’œil effects so well that I thought the wooden staircase was marble until I actually stepped on it. Amazing!

Dr. Terry spent three years on the house, and it features many reclaimed works of antique metal, stone, and wood. I’m staying in the Shakespeare Room (each room is themed to focus on a particular artist: William Shakespeare, Leonardo da Vinci, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Katherine Hepburn, Salvador Dalí, and Duke Ellington). It’s quite simply the most relaxing and intriguing sleep over I’ve ever had (which is almost as insulting as calling the vegetables today a salad bar). The format is adjusting from nightly/weekly rates to monthly rates, so if you are planning an extended stay, you should definitely consider contacting the Artists Inn Residence, which is right in the middle of DuPont Circle.

Joe and Terry (as well as many other recently discovered precious friends) remind me to invest in people more deeply than I have in years. They are fantastic people. Between food, conversation, and hospitality they have made my visit here both constructive and very happy. As I venture more and more outside of the clubs in pursuit of my adult entertainment career, I am finding that this is a journey I should have started sooner. I am excited again about the possibilities that wait ahead.

I ate recently at a Greek restaurant in Atlanta called Taverna Plaka. It was an amazing experience, not only because of the food, but because of the process involved in eating it. I was reminded of how wonderful food can be, and the way it is celebrated at every meal in places like France and Italy. It really was wonderful. If you ever go, ask for Tatiana. She is sweet, and is very good at describing the food.

This was the first time I’d ever gotten to grind my own hummus. The chick peas, olive oil, lemon, herbs, and garlic were brought to me in a wooden mortar with a wooden pestel. The process of mashing it up and smelling the aromas comingling was so satisfying. And watching Tatiana set my flaming cheese on fire was fun. I’d forgotten how much I love interacting with food. Food is a treasure – it really is! As someone who has dealt with eating disorders, I cannot stress enough how important it is to not feel guilty about eating, to enjoy your food and appreciate it.

I had the lamb chops, and they were amazing. They were like marshmallows. They were soft and spongy, yet they had a good, meaty texture, and they wrapped around my teeth when I bit into them. And the dessert, Ek Mek, was just about the most decadent piece of heaven I’ve had in my mouth since Alan. (Whoops! That was dirty… but there you have it!)

So, why go on and on about a meal? Because it made me feel real joy. The tables were stable and sturdy, and there were signs posted all around that read “Dance At Your Own Risk.” People get drunk and dance on the table tops! This is what eating is supposed to be: Fun.

Too often in the United States were have a horrible relationship with our food. We either wolf it down while working (or thinking about anything other than the food), consume fake substitutions for food, eat it alone in our cars or some gray cubicle, and generally take it for granted. But food is the stuff of life, man! You are not only what you eat, you are how you eat!

Look at the Mediterranean peoples: They have low cancer rates, low obesity and obesity-related complications, long lives, and a tradition of forming life-long interpersonal relationships. They have a reputation for being friendly, loud, happy, passionate, and generous. How can you not be if you eat communally and dance on table tops to live music? These people live to eat, whereas in the United States we tend to eat to live.

I am feeling such a deep connection to my belly right now, and it is completely invigorating. So invigorating that I need to nap before I get ready to go to the club. I am not writing this blog as some kind of shameless plug for a restaurant that doesn’t even know I exist (although one of the waiters came to me and asked in broken English if I was Devon Hunter – how funny!). I’m writing this blog, because I was reminded that a passionate life is a beautiul one. I sincerely hope that you are doing what makes you happy in this life, and that you are sharing that wealth with as many people as possible. Life is a miracle - EAT!

Sometimes I just need something uplifting. I don’t have to be in a particular mood. Some days I just want an injection of positivity. Today is one of those days: It is the first truly spectacular weather day of 2009 here in Charlotte, NC, and after a little emotional fumbling last night (that is trying to find its way into today, but I’m not giving in without a fight!), I felt the need to share something with whomever is interested. Below is Desiderata (Latin: Things that are desired/desireable). It is a poem written in the 1920′s by Max Ehrmann (it was not written by an unknown person in 1692, as many mistakenly believe). So, enjoy:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Yesterday I blogged about the differentiation in my mind between pride and arrogance. Today I am going to focus on how confusing the two affects my self-esteem. Hopefully working this out in words will help me understand how to find better balance and grace.

It’s frustrating to me when I try to pay someone a compliment, and they won’t accept it. I don’t feel obliged to flatter people, as it is a compliment given for selfish reasons. Since I don’t dole out petty affirmations, when I say something nice to someone, I mean it. And it makes me uncomfortable or annoyed when the person/people in question can’t simply be gracious and say “Thank you.”

So… I wonder if that answers my question before I even ask it.

The point was made to me that there really isn’t a question of accepting/absorbing compliments and affirmations, since getting them at all is itself the compliment. Many people don’t get any, so how can I be so ungrateful as to discard friendly gestures and comments? With this in mind, I feel like the proverbial swine before whom pearls are cast. It really is unkind not to accept random acts of love and beauty.

And yet, there are two obstacles in my head: 1) I don’t want others to perceive me as being arrogant and 2) if I don’t believe the compliment, it makes me either wonder what the person’s motive is, or I immediately look for something negative to cancel the compliment out. Something about our culture that really pisses me off is that on the one hand everyone is expected to be an independent, self-sufficient individual, but on the other hand martyrs are made into saints.

If I accept my own positive qualities and become confident, well, then people knock me down for being too full of myself. But once I’m knocked down people then build me back up. I mean… Whuh?? I honestly don’t get it, and this confusion between pride and arrogance seems to make most people simply throw their hands in the air and say, “I’m average, and that’s all I need.” Bullshit! Each person on this planet should be allowed and encouraged to celebrate his own goodness and the strengths of others without fear of being emotionally neutered.

That’s just the way it is. But it shouldn’t be.

This is going to be a gradual shift, I know this already. But I think that a first step I can make, which won’t necessarily be legible to anyone else, is to simply not look for a fault to balance a strength. “You have/are (insert compliment)” requires only a “Thank you” on the outside and a moment of gratitude on the inside. And I also think I want to compliment myself more. In fact, I think I’m going to ask myself out on date, since I’m so fucking fabulous. My friend Annie engaged herself. I may have to consider that as well (do I have to move to Connecticut or Massachusetts for it to be legal?).