The online diary of a gay courtesan.

This blog concerns a controversial and personal issue: To have cosmetic surgeries and other appearance altering processes. Scotty, my best friend whom I blogged about recently, suggested I discuss this (and he gave me his permission to use his example).

Some people will argue that altering your appearance betrays a sense of self-loathing or a feeling of inadequacy. However, I find that to be hypocritical. Have you ever styled and/or colored your hair? Do you wear contact lenses? Bleach your teeth? How much jewelry do you wear? Do you paint or manicure your fingernails? Do you work out or practice tanning? Do you ever wear makeup, or purchase clothing that in someway hides/accents traits about your body? Do you have piercings or tattoos? All of these choices modify your appearance. Why surgery is more taboo than the others is quite beyond me.

I think what is most important is that you be comfortable in your own skin. Scotty was scared I would judge him poorly for electing to get pec implants. But that is not the case. I will explain why.

Normally I would frown upon steroids, implants, and unnecessary cosmetic surgeries. Then I realized something: Who gets to decide what is “necessary?” Scotty, when he was very young and still growing quickly, was in a very bad accident. The doctors had to reconstruct his ribcage. They took too much cartilage, and this has affected the shape of one of his chest muscles ever since. The rib underneath that pectoral juts forward now, causing one pec to look considerably larger than the other. The asymmetry is a source of constant insecurity for Scotty. No amount of working out will correct this visual effect. He has found a doctor who can perform an implant.

If Scotty can pay $5,000 for peace of mind on this issue, why should he not? Isn’t his confidence and self-esteem worth that much? That money spent on that implant would change his entire life. I hope he does get this cosmetic surgery – not because I think he needs it, but because I know how much happier he will be when this is put to rest.

As for other examples: If Michael Jackson and his siblings hadn’t become famous at a time when blacks and afrocentric forms of beauty were completely marginalized they may not have felt the need to have had the surgeries they’ve undergone (but at the same time, if the Jacksons hadn’t helped break down racial barriers those prejudices might still be just as strong to this day. Michael Jackson is almost like a sacrificial victim: He gave up his blackness so that other black artists wouldn’t have to??). People mock those who have cosmetic surgery, but I think it’s a wonder of modern science. Anything can be abused, that doesn’t make it evil unto itself.

Would I have these surgeries? Right now, no. I don’t think I need them. Of course there are details I’d improve or change if I could do so easily; however, none of my facial incongruities cause me enough turmoil to go that route. My demon, as I’ve said before, is stature/weight, and that is something I can address on my own through fitness.

Do what makes you comfortable and happy. But, for something as permenant as surgery, get lots of information from a variety of sources first. Be sure that your doctor has completed thousands of successful procedures, and be sure that s/he is licensed and practices the latest techniques. You want your surgery to blend away your insecurities – not create new ones.

I get asked with some frequency how I became an exotic dancer. My story won’t necessarily sound like anyone else’s, because adult entertainers are some of the most varied people I’ve ever known. Everyone comes to it from different backgrounds and for different reasons. Some people are models or fitness trainers who want to capitalize better on their investment in their personal appearance, but others are “regular Joes” who simply need to make some extra cash. Some are sex workers who use the stage to meet clients. Others are working through issues about confidence. There are as many explanations as there are individuals.

I, however, am a professionally trained dancer. I am trained in modern, post-modern, multi-media, some ballet (but I’ve never cared for it), jazz, hip hop, Yoga, Indonesian, gymnastics, improvisation, spoken word, Contact Improvisation, and others. I love movement. I just love it. And because I absolutely cannot tolerate most office jobs, that means I have to find a way to make a living doing something else. Well, here’s a whole ton of training under my belt – why not use it to get paid? Theatre doesn’t pay at all for the most part. I still create Dance (note the capital “d”), but I do it for love, not money (good thing too in this economy). But I don’t want to do anything else right now, so Dance/dance is my love and my work. I became an exotic dancer, because I got sick of trying to find/hold “good” jobs.

I am also a personal fitness trainer (yay NASM!). I personally didn’t care for hunting down clients who would only come in for a month after New Year’s, so I gradually left that behind. I suggest NASM as a certifying organization – ACE is far too theoretical: When are you actually going to measure someone’s oxygen volume during a work out? Give me a break. NASM is far more practical, and far more interesting, in terms of being creative as a trainer who understand kinesiology. I digress…

I was also an educator. That has got to be the single most miserable profession I would never wish on an enemy. Education in this country is riddled with impractical theory, crippled by No Child Left Behind, and in tatters because of a general decline in curiosity. I have ZERO regrets about quitting that entire profession. Teachers are some of the most miserable, depressing people I’ve had to tolerate. Whenever they come into the club, the first topic out of their mouths is negativity about work. UGH! My life has way less drama now that I’m a stripper.

Anyway, in summary, I became an exotic dancer for three reasons: 1) I hate most “good” jobs, 2) I wanted to get some financial gain out of all the years of dedication to becoming a dancer, and 3) I enjoy entertaining and meeting people. It was an obvious choice for me. Other people will have something else to offer, but that’s my story.