Devon Hunter

Neither. I don’t care for the terms. If I use them at all, it’s only so that I don’t have to always explain myself. I also don’t care for masculine/feminine, active/passive, and man-in-the-relationship/woman-in-the-relationship. Although the terms are somewhat clinical, they are also accurate and devoid of implicit value judgements: I prefer the terms insertive and receptive.

Top/Bottom are highly problematic terms for me. The outright judgement contained within them make me a tad angry. Plus they’re completely inaccurate, at least in any instance where the people in question have enough creativity to move beyond the missionary position. Also, exactly how much does it flatten a person to one dimension when you ask “Are you a top or a bottom?” as if the response to this should carry all sorts of extended implications about relationship role, identity, mannerisms, and interests. (”I’m a bottom, but I play sports!” Mhm… fuck you for apologizing.) Because they are black/white terms, the gray areas have to be covered by the laughable term “versatile” (as in a tool? Is that what you mean?), so that further distinctions can be made (and I find it’s the “bottom” men who generally feel obligated to reaffirm their masculinity with this word “versatile,” in order to not be “demeaned” for being primarily “bottom” in the first place).

Masculine/Feminine is so frought with problems that I’m not even going to begin to dissect them as terms. Many scholars have already done this ad nauseum for the last 40 years or more. Go ask Judith Butler her thoughts on the construction of gender.

Active/Passive are just as annoying to me as top/bottom. Give me a damn break. The only people who could possibly think this is an accurate description of sexual roles are the people who’ve never experienced both. If you actually believe that the “bottom”/”woman-in-the-relationship” isn’t completely engaged by the sex act, then you’re either insensitive, ignorant, or stupid. Again, man/woman-in-the-relationship carries far too many ridiculous assumptions to be terms I can use.

The insertive partner, whether biologically male or female, is exactly that: The person who is inserting. The receptive partner, whether biologically male or female, is exactly that: The person who is receiving. (How much of a brain fuck does it become when I mention seeing a picture yesterday of two men fisting each other simultaneously? Who’s the “top/bottom” in THAT scenario? Hm? God I love gender theory!) Neither role is given more power with these terms. I don’t think I need to address in much detail the preference generally afforded to the insertive partner; however, I would like to take some time with the receptive role and its inherent power.

To receive, to hold, to welcome, to envelop, to surround, to cradle, to embrace, to squeeze… These are not passive actions. These are active actions. And I would argue that it takes far more strength of character, psyche, and even physical strength to endure being entered than inserting, entering, introducing, poking, stabbing, or pummeling do. Taking it out of the gay world for a minute: If a woman’s womb can bear a child, exactly WHAT does a man’s penis do that is anywhere in the same realm of strength, endurance, care, or investment? Men fall out from a kidney stone. Hell, men fall out from colds… I know I do. I’m a total wimp.

I must sound like an angry power bottom fairy guerilla homo commie pinko bastard. I’m not. Another reason I have difficulty with the top/bottom question is because it depends so much on my mood and where I am in my life. When I was a neonate, yes I was 100% receptive. My sexuality evolved and for several years I was split even 50-50. For a year or so I was 100% insertive. Right now I would have to say I’m somewhere between 75-25 and 67-33 leaning insertive. That will continue to change and evolve.

Ultimately I don’t see the point of being a gay man and not enjoying both roles. We are, sexually speaking, in a position (excuse the pun) to be the only people on the planet to truly know the joy of both. Women can be empowered by and enjoy various types of insertive activity, but they’ll never have a penis. Straight men who are afraid of their assholes will never enjoy fully what their bodies are capable of. It’s amazing for us homos to have that one advantage over everyone else. It makes me sad that so many people in our community cling so tenaciously to heteronormative sex roles. I personally think any gay man who is a total top or a total bottom is a total drag, because he isn’t open to experiencing the real joy that is a gay man’s sexuality, and he is often invested too much in a series of value systems that are incompatible with his sexuality (whether he realizes it or not).

Remember this: You may be penetrating me, but I am enveloping you. And I would want it to be a true vice versa. I do not in any way enjoy the idea of being the insertive partner, and feeling as if the person with me thinks himself bottom/passive… I don’t want to enter him unless he wants to welcome me. I want him there with me and engaged.

So… I guess ultimately what this means is that I don’t fuck. I meld.

I’ve not talked too much about the competitive nature of what I do. I’ve mentioned office drama vaguely. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned it directly at all. Perhaps a few instances here and there of “if you see others doing well, and you’re not, don’t take it personally…” But I don’t recall ever mentioning what the dressing room is like…

It’s definitely dependent on the club and the environment it creates for itself, its patrons, and its staff. PT1109 in Columbia, SC is very friendly, in my opinion. For the most part the patrons are very good natured, the bartenders are supportive of the dancers, the owner is a no-nonsense type of dude, and 90% of the dancers are laid back. Every now and then we get an asshole in there, but they don’t last long at PT1109. That bar is definitely the kind of place where attitude isn’t rewarded much, no matter how big your muscles are.

Conversely, Swinging Richards can sometimes feel like a fucking beauty pageant backstage. What a bunch of stupid drama!! And men have the audacity to call women gossipy?? These straight guys cease being sexy the moment they walk back stage and start talking… ugh! For the most part we all get along very well in Atlanta, or live and let live; however, there are a few guys who should be glad they’re so much bigger than me. There are a few who really need a good, swift kick in the butt. They tend to be the same ones who sabatoge the dancers they don’t like. Gotta watch ‘em…  I’ve also experienced some haters at The Castle in Greenville - former dancers… go figure.

It can be discouraging when you aren’t comfortable with your coworkers. It can get downright ugly when you have good reason to believe someone is actually undermining you on purpose. I know I’ve painted a portrait of myself as someone who is very nice (because I am), but I do not tolerate people being destructive to me in this particular manner. I’ve tolerated other forms of abuse, but I have zero patience for other dancers (or former dancers) doing or saying anything to make me look bad to patrons. Devon to Diva in about 2.3 seconds flat. Miss Thang does know how to raise an eyebrow at a bitchy strippa.

What then do you do? It’s best to first try to talk to the person/people in question, to make certain that there’s not a misunderstanding that can’t be fixed among peers. Most of the time instigators will back off really fast - people know when they’re in the wrong. If polite inquiry doesn’t help, then I start channeling Miss Jackson. I do this so rarely that it tends to accomplish what Southern Charm doesn’t. In only a few instances have I had to speak to a Booking Manager or some other figure of authority.

If you are going to dance at a club or event where there are other dancers, you simply have to accept that there will be competition. Scotty and I have a friendly competition - we stay in shape, we check in with each other, we encourage each other, I tell Scotty if a patron tells me Scotty is hot (and vice versa), and we are happy for each other when either or both do well.

Sadly, competition isn’t always friendly. Some people do not appreciate the value of collaboration. They are too selfish to see that they will do better if everyone on the team looks good. Would you go buy a car at a lot with one nice vehicle and 30 jallopies? Or would you be more likely to go shop at a place where the lot can offer you your choice of sports cars? I guess some strippers are just ignorant. Whatever.

If you find yourself confronted by a destructive dancer, former dancer, patron, staff member… It’s often best to behave better, so that their criticisms look empty. How can anyone believe an ugly-acting person when you yourself are so charming, polite, beguiling, sexy, and friendly to the people who are slandering you. In almost every case I have found that the person hating on you makes himself look way worse than anything he could do to you. In fact, I have had friends of haters come up and tip or compliment me, specifically so that I and others wouldn’t lump them in with the person causing the problem.

Where is the love? It’s in you. It’s also in the people who end up being sympathetic/empathetic to you for being the “victim” of malice. People tend to side with the person targeted, not the person who is being aggressive. You will probably not win people’s minds over by being confrontational. If someone says you’re gross, unattractive, dirty, stupid, whorish, etc., and you get mean… it will, on some level, confirm in the minds of others that you must, after all, be the brutish piece of trash they thought you were. Reasonable people generally can’t help but respond constructively to maturity and positivity.

You know who you are. Forget the haters. The ones you should be most dismissive of (in the kindest manner possible), are the former dancers who wish they were still the center of attention, but are not. These people are acting out because of jealousy. Whatever they are saying about you probably has no basis in reality. Let it go, and keep connecting with the people who do like you (see the flip-side to all this: “Here is the love!”).

Many of the threads on the site where I chat are ridiculous, stupid, infuriating, bitchy, mean, and generally worthless; however, they tend to generate some classic flame wars, so that makes them tolerable. I admit that my own contributions have often taken them in that direction. I’m not innocent in this. However, there is one thread running right now that is particularly interesting to me. The paraphrased title of the thread is, “These porn stars: Where do they all come from?” The original question centers on trying to figure out the source of all the denizens of online porn models. It looks sometimes like almost EVERYONE is a porn star, thanks to the internet and affordable technology for home use.

The original poster has a good point, of course. The internet has made everyone an expert on everything (How do you think I’ve been empowered to make myself the Dr. Phil of gay strippers?). People can simply say whatever they want, and it’s the truth… because they said so. The printed word once carried a great deal more weight than it does now (in my non-cited, unscholarly opinion). Such is the way of the world and the evolution of language/communication: Writing was once a treasure, an arduous skill possessed by only a few illuminated minds, and it went to reason that anything written was therefore precious for one reason or another. By contrast today, every ignorant ass in the galaxy knows how to record his/her stupidity for posterity. Writing simply isn’t the mysterious, permanent voice of the gods anymore. It just isn’t. (Because I said so.)

Although I know most of what everyone writes (myself included), is utter tripe, I still invest in what people have taken the time to commit to a format more permenant than the spoken word. Theorists say words are random and have no real meaning. I disagree, and in a new book called “Alphabet Juice” by Roy Blount, Jr., he explains why the words we use are connected to us at far deeper levels than simple sound associations. I’ve studied languages and writing. I love them. I can’t help finding weight in that which is written. Take this response to the thread’s question, for example:

They come from their worthless little lives with no ambition and dignity. A few hundred dollars to them is just another bag of cocaine.

The problem here is that although his opinion if full of unmitigated hatred, it’s not necessarily full of untruth. Yes, there are definitely people in adult entertainment who are on a downward spiral. And that spiral is fueled by destructive people who encourage destructive behaviors. What is not present in this response is any acknowledgement that there are also adult entertainers who do consciously contribute something valuable to the culture at large.

When I give these examples, it isn’t a plea for understanding and empathy. I intend it more as an example of why that person’s over-generalized response requires discussion. So then, here are some examples of people in the adult entertainment industry who do something good through it, or because of it:

• Many people use adult entertainment to fund an education they otherwise couldn’t get
• Many directors (e.g. Chi Chi LaRue) specifically address the importance of safe-sex in an attempt to keep vigilance about STD’s in the front of viewers’ minds: “Safe sex is hot sex!”
• Several of the adult entertainers I know are involved with charities, which benefit from the presence or endorsement of the celebrity in question
• Pornography is a form of safe sex in and of itself
• Pornography is a tool for teaching people about sex (for better or worse), and keeps issues concerning identity, gender, and sexuality at the fore. The very “clichés” people make fun of in porn are there because there’s a demand for them. What does that say about you as a consumer?
• Adult entertainers, whether they intend it or not, force the culture to discuss issues of sexual politics, and in their own way (intended or not) are part of the dialogue that is the struggle for LGBT equality.

And what about the more practial fact that most adult entertainers have enough work ethic to support themselves and their families through multiple jobs, rather than take unemployment or other forms of government aid? Scotty dreams of buying his finacé-to-be a nice ring, and to provide her with a home and comfort. My dancer friends with children bemoan the slow nights at the club, because (and I directly quote a beautiful man I know at Swinging Richards named Star) “I could’ve stayed at home and held my baby.” What about the fact that adult entertainers who claim their tips and pay their taxes have contributed money that is just as green as any doctor’s, lawyer’s, teacher’s, or engineer’s?

I do not intend to refute the stereotype that porn stars and strippers are drug addicted whores who are not only oblivious to their own wasted lives, but who also undermine civilization by bringing others down with them (Isn’t that what the religious Right says about homosexuals? ALL homosexuals? Even the judgemental, bitchy cunts who make hateful comments about people in their own community in an effort to ally themselves with the very Puritanical culture that rejects them?). I have no need to debate this assumption: The content of this blog, and the clarity with which I speak (even if I were the only sober adult entertainer on the planet, which I’m not) proves that, at the least, there exist exceptions to the “rule.” (Because I said so.)

So, now that you wanna be a strippa and you’ve gotten through the audition… what do you take with you to work?? Here’s some helpful stuff to keep in your duffle/gear bag: A change of several thongs/underwear, an extra pair of socks, at least a second choice for footwear, armbands, breath spray/mints, deodorant, a large towel, Neutrogena sesame oil (avoid baby oil or any other product that contains mineral oil - see “Oily Strippers Work My Nerves!” for more info about this), gel hand sanitizer, baby wipes, cologne/body spray, hair product/brush, concealer (a type of makeup that you put on to cover up zits) and powder that match your skin tone, a travel size sewing kit that includes needles and thread, and business cards (if you make them out you’ll have them ready and available when someone wants your info for other events - you can print your own at home).

In my last post I made the point that you should look your best and wear nice clothes. I can’t stress enough how important it is to create the image you want, both in terms of your behavior and in terms of your appearance. However, if you don’t know where to find nice stuff, then it’s rather unhelpful of me to tell you to go get something you can’t find. Here are some sites and brands that are particularly attractive and flattering on stage:

Skiviez and DealbyEthan.com – Are online stores that have many different designer brands in one place. Of particular interest are 2x-ist, Calvin Klein, Gigo, and Ginch Gonch. Register with them – they will send you information on sales.

Guess? – Guess? makes some truly fantastic low-rise, slim fit jeans in a variety of washes. The Falcon line is particularly flattering. You can’t tell it from the pics on their website, but Falcon will make your thighs, crotch, and butt virtually pop. Falcon is what I’m wearing in the picture of me doing a pushup on the rocks by the river. They are part of the premier Guess? collection. Normal price is about $140. Look on Ebay if that is out of your budget. Remember, however, that your clothes are an investment, and they will repay dividends.

Vizeau - This site has some absolutely beautiful bathing suits. They are high fashion, and will cost you between $25-$75, depending on style. Click the pic at the left to see their one-leg thong in better detail.

Nike – Nike makes a tiny, soft arm band that is stretchy, and is a great place to put tips. It’s official name is the Nike Dri-FIT Bicep Arm Band. They come in about 10 colors. I have black, navy, white, and red. They also make crimson, green, brown, and purple. There are others. I have a variety, so that my arm bands can match/contrast my outfit. I need some green or brown ones to go with my camouflage gear… hmm… Regular price on them is about $8, but if you go to a Nike outlet store you can find them on sale sometimes for only $1. As of today this site has them, but I can’t promise they always will: Arm Band

Rufskin – Oh my freaking God!!!!! I LOVE these jeans… you have GOT to see them to believe them! They range from $100-$150. I got a pair of the Charly and a pair of the Hustler and they are bananas! They really are sexy. I want a pair of the Cody and the River (see at right, click to enlarge) as well.