Devon Hunter

Okay, first let me say this: I use a little oil. Why? Because it helps my skin and musculature show up better under the glaring lights onstage. I prefer Neutrogena’s light sesame bath oil. It’s really thin, it works like a liquid lotion, it absorbs readily into your skin, it has no fragrance and it doesn’t clog pores. I apply it conservatively, and I try to make sure it’s all completely off my hands before I go onstage and touch the pole. Avoid leaving oil on any part of your body that will touch the pole, including your palms and your inner thighs.

OILY STRIPPERS WORK MY NERVES! (see my post concerning the difference between exotic dancers and strippers) Stripper, you do not need ¼ bottle of that dollar store baby oil on your body! It does not help you that much, and you get it all over the damn pole, so that my narrow ass flies off it later like I’ve been slung out of a catapult… I did not come up in the club to look like Gonzo on “The Muppet Show” being shot out of a canon by Miss Piggy. Not to mention that your greasy sweat drips on the floor and I look like an asshole later when I’m slipping across the stage like a drunk. Keep your damn mineral oil to yourself!

Speaking of Miss Piggy…

(Sorry, y’all… just had to get that out of my system.)

I normally don’t take offense to the term stripper, because I know most people don’t understand the difference between a stripper and an exotic dancer; however, now you will… So… no more excuses

Exotic Dancers concern themselves foremost with performance and fantasy. We believe it is our job to be good hosts, to interact with people flirtatiously and politely, and we tend to take very good care of our personal presentation. We tend to be interested in theatricality, which in a club is expressed most readily by costumes or high quality underwear. We are conversationalists, and you would introduce us to your friends without embarrassment. We are more likely to think through the process of dancing to a song, and tend to truly enjoy what we do. We reveal strategically and tease delectably. We make people feel good. We’re entertainers. We’re the ones doing the fantastic tricks on the poles. Often times we have ambitions in addition to or outside of what we do in clubs.

Strippers tend to prance around poorly on stage. Their clothing is generally not well-suited to them, and they are often unrefined. They have overly fantastic names like “Big Daddy Long Stroke” or “Mister Miraculous.” (Yes, I know these people.) They are very quick to pressure you for a private dance, often without so much as a “how do you do?” They often lack tact. Their clothes tend to leap from their bodies unceremoniously and wind up as a mess on the floor. They are generally rough around the edges. They normally do not care about anything except money, and are very transparent about being in the club out of habit and/or desperation.

Now, with that said, it should be noted that the term stripper is a pejorative name appropriated by exotic dancers in much the same way as other derogatory terms are by other people. When I see a dancer I like, I may very well say, “Hey, strippa!” or, “Stripper, you need to answer your damn phone when I call you with news about a sale on man-thongs.” Note the difference between “I hate that stripper!” and “Strippa, please stop complaining! You know your jock pouch ain’t that tight.” However, I would suggest that you use this word in a familiar way only with dancers with whom you have already established a rapport.

You’re feelin’ it – it’s the night you’ve been waitin’ for… ya gonna go out and see some hot men dance in their underwear (or something even less)… Hell, you might even be feelin’ a lap dance if one of the hotties inspires you. C’mon out to the club, baby – we’ll have a good time…

Here are 10 pointers to remember before you come up in the joint:

• 1. Bring money: Clubs are businesses. Businesses are open to generate money. Dancers are employees. Ergo, employees need to get paid. You don’t necessarily have to break your bank – bring a $20 and change it out for $1’s and $5’s. Believe me, it’s much appreciated when patrons understand why they’re there. Oh, and if you don’t bring money, please understand that you don’t get to chant along to Fergie’s “Glamorous” when it gets to the end (“And if you ain’t got no money take yo broke ass home!”). No really. You don’t get to chant along… it’s directed at YOU.
• 2. Wear khakis or some other soft pants without sharp buttons, studs, and exposed stitching or zippers. You may very well end up getting a lap dance, and, for the dancer(s) you select, rubbing on blue jeans hurts.
• 3. Drink responsibly. You are not going to do well in a strip club sloshed off your ass.
• 4. Be polite to the entertainers. Regardless of what you think of dancers in general, everyone has a reason for being there, and it has little or nothing to do with your opinion. Treating entertainers poorly is not a good way to pump yourself up. Be respectful, especially if a dancer is kind to you. Report rudeness to the management. If you aren’t interested in a private dance when offered one, a simple, “no, thank you” will suffice. Avoid cocking eyebrows or making disgusted faces. It’s embarrassing and hurtful to many dancers. You’re at a strip club, and you got offered a lap dance – get over it. (see pointer #1 above)
• 5. Exotic dancers are, with some exceptions, merely that. We are not paid to sleep with you, especially not for $20. This ain’t K-Mart, honey. (see pointer #4 above)
• 6. Watch the performers. Turning your back on all the dancers to talk to your friends defeats the purpose of your coming to the club. (see pointers #1 and #4 above)
• 7. Stalking is very not sexy. If your invitation to socialize outside the club is not readily accepted, simply acknowledge and move on.
• 8. When you ask a dancer his name and he tells you, avoid responding with, “Is that your real name?” The dancer has told you his name.
• 9. If you touch a dancer, TIP A DANCER. (see pointers #1 and #4 above)
• 10. Cheering, although appreciated, does not replace audience participation. (see pointer #1 above)