Devon Hunter

Not all that long ago I was asked what I wanted in my connections with people. Well, J.C., I have an answer for you, and before I even write this (and I’m not so worried about whether or not I keep it to 500 words today) I sense it will end up in my Favorites list. This is one of those diamonds I sometimes birth after some painful struggle and terrifying introspection.

First, some background information. When I lived in Los Angeles from 1998 - 2002, I lived within a profoundly dysfunctional relationship with a man named Randy. Randy is wonderful in that he is financially generous and politically honest; however, he is one of the single most emotionally selfish, socially inept, intellectually insensitive, and grossly manipulative people I have ever met. His qualities cannot, for me, EVER counterbalance his negative attributes. And I have been tormented by his presence in my life for OVER TEN FUCKING YEARS… He drives me absolutely ape shit…

And last night he called me at 4:00 am to bitch me out.

I left my phone on, because Matt (whose story unfolds in “Honesty: It fucking sucks,” part 1, part 2, and part 3) reappeared 24 hours after I sent him a “good bye” text. He texted to let me know his phone had been dead for two days (which, for a variety of reasons I don’t care to explain here, I know to be a lie), and that he didn’t mean to come across as “shady.” He then immediately disappeared back into the mysterious labyrinth of his restaurant where time and communication skills are forever lost…

At any rate, I left my phone on in case Matt finally decided to call after all. He did not. But, lo and behold, rather than the person I most wanted a call from, I got a call from the person I least wanted a call from. I remember the phone ringing at 4:00 am, and I rolled over and I actually cursed outloud in indignation. I let it go to voicemail. I checked that voicemail a few hours later, unable to sleep.

And the diamond was forged from within me.

Randy WENT OFF on me. “I’m so disappointed in you as a person! You didn’t call for Thanksgiving or Christmas. You never answer when I call. You always let me go to voicemail, and you never call me back. How busy can you fucking be? This is a bunch of bullshit! I’m getting the message that you don’t want to talk to me or something, and I’m not going to call you anymore.”

Here is what I was yelling in response to him: “I don’t care if you’re disappointed, asshole! I didn’t even THINK to call you, and why would I?? Of course I don’t answer: You’re an asshole! And I don’t call back, because I don’t fucking want to! Too busy to talk TO YOU! What’s bullshit is that it’s taken you 10 years to figure all this out. Don’t do me any favors! GOD!” And I deleted his voicemail, feeling triumphant that I was FINALLY, after more than a decade, not going to allow him to guilt me into talking to him. I am finally rid of this person!

GOD!

And then… well… the moment his voicemail blinked out of existence, I realized something:

It is distinctly possible that I am Randy/Matt. Actually, I’m far worse than Randy/Matt. I have been sick with fretting over not hearing from Matt with any consistency for +10 days, but I have been doing this to Randy for +10 years. Why? Because I can’t bear the thought of the confrontation. I am heaped with guilt at the thought of telling Randy to leave me alone, and to keep his manipulative insanity to himself.

And here I am, sitting by with the audacity to cry over Matt? Oh, my fucking GOD! I don’t know that it’s true, but what if it is?? What if the only reason Matt responds to me (at all) is because he feels, from time to time, enough guilt or exasperation to text or call me just to shut me up, or to give me a dose of attention and leave me to my misery for a while? That’s the attitude I’ve taken with Randy for years and years: “Okay, I will talk to Randy for an hour today, since I’ve ignored him for months, and that’s good enough to get me through for a few more months.”

I’m a horrible person. And I’m a hypocrite. I don’t believe that Karma is a punishment: It is a lesson. And just when I was beginning to wallow in self-pity about how horrible Matt is treating me… the phone rings. That message from Randy was a message from the Universe. I have been accusing Matt of being too chicken shit to just tell me that he doesn’t want to talk to me, but I’m a thousand times more guilty of the same exact cowardice.

Now, the question is this: Do I break this cycle of cowardice, call Randy back, and FINALLY say “I got your message, and I prefer that you not contact me anymore?” Or do I break the cycle of guilt, avoiding the horrible argument Randy will try to start, in an attempt to not respond to yet another ploy?

Randy CONSCIOUSLY uses guilt to coerce people to talk to him. That is the only distinction between how he has treated me over the years, and how I have interacted with Matt over the weeks. Was I, in a more subtle manner, trying to guilt Matt into calling me or seeing me???

I don’t know.

But to answer C.J.’s question once and for all: What I want in my connections with people (friends, family, lovers, clients, and otherwise) is for people to keep their expectations of each other’s capacities reasonable; to consider both sides of a situation before deciding who, if anyone, is right/wrong or good/bad; and to allow everyone in a relationship the ability to evolve constantly, and to come/leave peacefully when needed. Whether honesty fucking sucks or not, THAT is what I want to give and get from my connections.

Here’s something that comes up with a little bit of frequency: When I’m not doing anything more productive with myself, I enjoy chatting on ManHunt. While I was still hiding in my cave in 2008, it became my primary source of socializing, since I had trepedations about being around people face-to-face. Because I don’t dance in Charlotte it hasn’t happened much, but occasionally someone in another city will check out the Charlotte list, and then I’ve got a patron talking to me on a site that is designed specifically for hooking up.

How awkward.

This is the reason: ManHunt is a place for getting free sex from other users. I chat there primarily to socialize through chat (although I have met people from the site as well - some were for coffee, others were for sex, others were friends I knew from off ManHunt). So then, exactly how does one navigate the situation when a patron who pays for lap dances sees an adult entertainer online at a place like ManHunt, and then makes a proposition for free sex? The patron isn’t out of line, since the entertainer is in a sexualized environment, but how can the entertainer walk the tight rope of not blurring business and pleasure?

It really depends on the situation. I have one friend in Columbia, we’ll pretend his name is John, and when we see each other on the site we flirt and chat, but he never crosses any lines. He’s a gentleman and a friend, and it’s simply not an issue with him. He’s not overbearing in person, and he doesn’t make presumptions online. I’m his doodle bug, and he’s my wee boy. I am totally comfortable talking to him on ManHunt. I see a couple of the other dancers from Columbia, and that too is a non-issue. None of us sleep together, and it’s just chat. However, there have been ManHunt members who are patrons from Atlanta and other cities who do try to make a sexual connection through ManHunt.

I simply keep the conversation polite and simple. I don’t flirt or use innuendo. I answer questions simply and keep my inquiries general. It would be very complicated to hook up with a patron. I can invision far, far too many difficulties in such a scenario. I do not suggest allowing the two to overlap. The other option is to simply not visit these types of websites, but I’ve made some nice chat friends on ManHunt, and bumping into patrons is rare. It’s even more rare that the few patrons I see try to go futher than chatting. Thus far it’s not been a problem, but when it comes up I treat it like I do when I bump into a patron unexpectedly in public. Be aware that cyber stalking is a potential risk from chatting online at hook up sites. Pay attention to whether or not a patron’s behavior changes in person/online after he has found your username.

Devon Hunter (DH): What do you do at www.GuysDivine.com?
GuysDivine.com (GD): Currently on the site we offer live webcam chats in which we show off the male body, and tease the audience a little in a sometimes sexual manner. We also offer a variety of pictures, but our main focus is the live chats and HD chat archives. We stream live with a webcam, and record the chat at the same time with an HD camcorder, which we later upload to the server for members to download, so they can have lasting enjoyment.

Our future plans are to continue growing on a fitness level, as well as an intimate level by adding more models, fitness pictures, fitness videos, semi-erotic videos/pictures, and fun for all pictures and videos. We try to capture a different side of the male physique other than it being used for simple porn. We also try to make everyone feel like they are a part of the site/family and not just another “member.” I have taken the time more than once to chat with members outside of the site on a friendship basis, and have even made some really good friends this way.

DH: How did you come to decide to create your site?
GD: After modeling for a Florida website and several others I learned that these high income sites can be a little inconsiderate and greedy. After learning the business I was just sick and tired of how these other sites ran their business and how poorly they treated their models. I thought if I could start a site of my own and and run it with some class, then I should do that very thing for myself as well as for others.

As it turned out I had enough of a following that I was able to start www.GuysDivine.com, and support it with only a small group of people who enjoyed watching me chat. Although it has been a ton of work (and also a lot of let downs), I feel it has been well worth the effort, and I think the site is now at a point to where it can really start to grow.

DH: How is your chat site different from other cam sites?
GD: We are sort of a cross-breed of the muscle cam sites and the sexual sites. We do claim to be non-nude; however, sometimes we have been known to do some tasteful nude posing and horseplay. We are now allowing all models to act within their comfort zone, which means if they want to get nude then they can, and if they want to go further than that, then we say go for it. Also I do not know of another site that uses an actual gay couple in its cam shows, not openly at least.

My bf and I do duo chats for the members, as well as individual solo chats too. As of right now he and I are the only guys chatting, because good models are hard to find, and most guys are chasing that dollar no matter how they are treated. Currently we have five new guys on the waiting list, and all we need to do is get them setup and ready to go. Hopefully at least one of these guys will survive. Ha!

DH: In what ways is your work satisfying to you on a professional and/or personal level?
GD: Well, the website is not my profession, and I actually was not sure that it would become what it is today. I definitely do this on a personal level, and the satisfaction I get from it is that it inspires me to keep fit. Lets face it, if I were not in shape I would not be in this business. Also, I guess in a way satisfaction comes from possibly being truly successful in this business without actually compromising my values. I can do the site and not be pressured to do anything I do not want to do just for the sake of a dollar. I think too many people throw their limitations and standards to the side for money, which they will usually regret. My site does not ask anyone to do something that they feel uncomfortable with, period.

DH: You work with your boyfriend on the site. How does sharing intimacy with him for an audience affect your relationship with him?
GD: Our chats our no more intimate than we would want to share, a little kiss here and there or a pat on the ass is hardly anything to hide. Most of our chats are playful and fun, with a little sensual worshiping thrown into the mix. We really do not have anything set to do before these chats, which keeps it fresh and fun. The site really has no negative effect on the relationship at all.

DH: How do people react in favorable ways to your working with your boyfriend? What negative responses do you get, if any?
GD: Everything is great, and we both get a lot of support through the site. People really enjoy seeing us together on the site. The duo chats are by far the most attended chats, because people love interaction. The only negative responses are from people who have never seen what we do, and who automatically think it’s a porn site. Once I respond with an explanation they change their mind pretty fast.

DH: Do you find that your situation is similar to that of exotic dancers, or do my blogs not really speak to your experiences? What would you say to clarify, extend, or correct anything I’ve said about “the biz” as it pertains to what you do?
GD: Although I have not read a lot on your blog, I will say that what I have read does not really have as much in common as some may think. I guess with this being a net thing, opposed to dancing live in front of people, it puts certain issues at bay. When we have a problem with someone we can get rid of them easily with the push of a button and a refund. Ha! For me, I do not think I could dance or show off live, but in the comfort of my own home it works out perfectly.

There will always be a certain favoritism anywhere you go when it comes to models in general, and some people will attend one model’s chats and not anyone else’s, but that is that person’s choice, so I don’t feel the need to stress on favoritism. Only saying that after reading your black dancers blog entry, in which we do not face that problem at all.

DH: How does being a model affect your life when you’re not modeling?
GD: Well, I don’t consider myself a model at all, and in my mind anyone with a decent body and attitude could do what I do. I am nothing special compared to a lot of superbly fit guys out there who put me to shame. Where I guess I differ from them is that I don’t mind showing it off, and I actually enjoy it. I was going to say that life when I am not working on the site is normal, but even when I am doing the site my life is normal. In fact, if I did not do the site that is when I would feel like my life is not normal. It has no effect on me at work or when I am out and about, except for the one time I was asked the chat schedule at the gas station.Ha! Now that caught me off guard!

DH: Is the chatting your only source of work, or do you have other projects and/or jobs as well?
GD: It’s just something I do on the side for fun and an extra source of income. The site could not support me in full, but perhaps one day it possible could. I am completely happy with my profession as a Firefighter for the city where I currently reside (and where I was born). I really have very few hobbies anymore, but some that I hope to pick back up on soon are photography, customizing cars, puzzles, and putting models together. The hobbies that I currently do regularly are working out, watching movies, playing basketball, and doing the website. Nothing beats spending simple time with some friends just chilling.

DH: What advice would you give someone who either wants to start a website or become a model for one?
GD: My advice for starting your website is to be sure you have the time, and that it is something you plan to stick with. It takes time to prosper in the business, unless you have unlimited funds. Get your thoughts and ideas together, and hire a good webmaster if you are not one yourself. I wasted a lot of time trying to do it all on my own, and you will soon find out that there are not enough hours in a day to make this a solo act.

To model for one it is simple. Make sure you got what it takes, and just start filling out forms from different sites. Investigate the ones you like, and then pick one, but never, never sign a contract that will prevent you from going elsewhere afterwards if you see that you are not happy with that organization. Being presented with a contract is another huge factor in me creating my own site. As a model you should always remain a free agent, unless their are large amounts of money at stake, and I do not know of many cam sites that are willing to put up that kind of cash. They are usually the exact opposite.