Devon Hunter

This post is rather like the flip-side to yesterday’s “Where is the love?” entry. If I was decrying entertainers who sabotage, then I also need to praise entertainers who collaborate (which is just as common, and is one of the points of tenuous balance in this career). Yes, there will be people who wish you ill. However, there will also be people who want you to succeed. Some will embrace you tightly.

I firmly believe that when the team is strong, it’s a win for everyone: The patrons are entertained and happy to be supportive, the entertainers/bar staff make a living, and the owners turn a profit. All is right in the universe. It behooves you to be generous (but not to the point of making yourself a martyr).

Understand this: I’m not telling every veteran dancer to share every bit of knowledge with every neonate. Like James Brown said, “I taught you everything you know… but not everything I know.” I personally have mentored only two people in all my time doing this. One was a crash and burn, the other is Scotty - and he is a friend for life. I have zero regrets. I am currently trying to gauge whether or not a dancer I’m trying to help is going to accept or not. I only offer a little to see if there’s any point investing.

I am very selective about whom I mentor, but I am very generous about whom I encourage. If I see someone who is essentially a good person, but who is not fulfilling a potential, I will tentatively extend a hand. The current dancer in question is not polished at all (in fact, he embarrasses me sometimes with his antics); however, he is reliable, honest, funny, extroverted, and friendly. He showed up at work spur-of-the-moment last Saturday when another dancer bailed, and he has done this multiple times. He helped me, because I would have been short-staffed. I realized, after several weeks of him being around, that he is a team player. This one can be honed, if he listens. I want this one to stick around, but he won’t if he can’t make more money. Then where will I be?

Is this selfish? Yes. Definitely. However, it’s symbiotic. He gets paid, and I get some relief. I may also end up with a new friend. So, what’s there to lose? Right now I’m watching carefully to see if he’s committed, and thus worth my investment. If yes, we’ll proceed. If no, then I’m out only the three pairs of underwear that I gave him (that I never wore anyway).

Perhaps that wasn’t the most altruistic example, and thus doesn’t really balance the sabotage entry from yesterday? But it is an example of how there are helpers who balance the haters. I have met many, many dancers who have encouraged me when I was down. I personally never had a mentor, but if there is anyone who begins to approach that role, it would be Carlos. That man is amazing. I admire him very much. If I could give only one piece of advice to every adult entertainer in the world in one moment, it would be this: Collaboration good, sabotage bad.

I’ve said this before, but I want to remind myself and all my adult entertainment friends of something I was told by Carlos (he seems to be my exotic dance guru - and for good reason, too!): Remember that you are valuable beyond what your earn. Separate your self-worth from what you make. You are more than your money.

Working for tips is hard. You can’t plan. Some nights you’re on. Others, not so much. There’s only so much you can do to affect this: You can workout, be nice, and approach every person in the room and still not make good money. You can watch someone who isn’t very attractive, very nice, and/or impressive in some way or another sweep the bar. You simply cannot know.

The reason I’m saying this (and I’m surprised I haven’t blogged about it sooner) is because last night at the club was BAD. It was BAD BAD BAD. So many of my beautiful brothers were taking it personally. We all are vulnerable in this work, since our bodies and our egos are laid bare, but I’d like to remind all my friends that it is not them. It isn’t you, booboo! It’s a combination of factors that you cannot control! You are just as amazing on your off-nights as you are on your a-list nights.

Something you simply must remember is that there are times when you will do well and times when you won’t. Rather than looking at what you make each night, look at your longer goals and averages. Consider how everything tends to balance itself out in a week, or even a month. You have to let the cold water roll over your back. It’s easy to forget how amazing you are, but really: YOU ARE FUCKING FABULOUS.