Hello Devon,

I just saw a bit of your Rentmen video interview, and have glanced at your blog.  This was enough to send you a “thank you” for your honesty, and for representing someone with talent and intelligence in the adult field.  Your pictures are great, and I believe you promised more adult work to come.  I got a “boner” when you described escorting as a “promotion” you had given yourself.

My background is also in the performing arts, and I am contemplating more adult work (I have done some), in order to help me with a career change that I have already started, toward graphic/digital design.  I am now contemplating a committed effort toward more videos and escorting in order to continue this effort, and so I found your profile to be inspiring and helpful.

I do wonder if you have felt respected in your work, since you seemed to indicate that some clients are not very nice.  I have noticed a lot of judgmental gays, even though they pay for companionship and are avid consumers of porn.  I imagine you must be finding your way, or you would not have done the video interview.

Good luck to you,

Sonny

Hello Sonny,

First, thank you for taking the time to write such a gracious letter to me. You (and many of my colleagues) prove the point I seek to make: Adult Entertainers can be (and often are) just as intelligent, kind, educated, hard working, and polite as anyone else. The voice in your email is a smart one, and I am excited to hear from someone whose story is so similar to mine.

As to your question concerning respect. I have danced in clubs, done videos, and escorted. Each is satisfying in its own way, but each also attracts criticism in its own way. Of the three, the dancing created the most numerous opportunities for disrespect (because of the face-to-face interaction with so many people); the videos provided the most public airing of insults (see: -1 + 1 = 0); and the escorting has created the most personalized forms of disrespect (given the very intimate nature of the interactions).

When you are dancing (nearly) nude, you will be open to all sorts of potshots from people in the audience. When you are on the internet this is also the case, but the people saying whatever comes to their small minds will be published for the world to see (and you probably won’t have had the pleasure of meeting the anonymous hypocrite[s] in question). And when you escort you may find yourself at the whim of timewasters and powerhungry clients who seek to dominate you with issues surrounding money.

My advice is this: If you dance, be as friendly as you can without allowing people to take advantage of you. Your bar should have a “no harrassment” policy in place. If someone is disrespectful and/or violent toward you, have his sorry ass ejected and/or banned. Do not work for a club that doesn’t support you in this manner.

If you are going to do video, you have to simply own that there is a whole strand of the human population that thrives on negativity. Make the choice to not read the discussion boards (e.g. SeanCodyReviews.com, JustUsBoys.com, etc.). They are full of unhelpful, stupid, and mean commentary that will do nothing to make you better as a person, artist, or entertainer. Look for constructive criticism, but do not look for it in those review boards.

And finally: If you decide to go into escorting, I would strongly advise that you NOT look to the forum at Daddy’s Reviews. Contact escorts directly with questions. The threads at Daddy’s take on a decidedly confrontational tone at all turns, and any value in the information you might find there gets drowned out by the ridiculous flame wars and peevish attitudes of most of the clients there (many of whom do not even hire, but merely spout off threats to not hire you if you have the audacity to formulate your own thoughts). There is very little input from escorts on those threads anymore, because most of us don’t feel like being harrassed with arguments. Listen to the advice I ignored: Do not become involved at Daddy’s. You will gain nothing from the exchanges.

Ultimately you have to define your terms for yourself. I am not obliged for any reason whatsoever to be anyone for someone else. I am Devon Hunter. You have to be Sonny. You cannot maintain any other facade. Be exactly who you are (while still being professional and kind), and extend to people the respect you want from them. But remember my platinum rule: Do unto YOURSELF as you would have others do unto you. Do not tolerate attacks to your sense of self just for money. There are lots of clients who will treat you nicely, so do not feel obligated to put up with those who would transform you into something you are not.

I wish you success,

Devon

Well… normally I am the one asking the questions, but here is a video interview where it is I who is answering.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

Click here for Interview: Devon of DevonHunter.info, or view below.

Just a few days ago I blogged about a worry concerning telling someone about my career, and how that might completely end our friendship/budding relationship. I ate, Sunday (the day before yesterday), at the restaurant he manages. I had a glass of wine. I told him everything.

And he didn’t run away.

“I’m not a judgmental person,” is all he said.

In fact, he’d already figured it out. I just gogged at him a bit. This was completely unexpected, given the conversations we’d had about monogamy. “I kinda put it together on my own a while back. I’m not stupid.” I was worried over nothing. He had pieced it together two weeks before I told him. In the time since he understood why I had avoided his questions I’d already seen him a few more times. And then I spent the evening with him after I told him as well! We haven’t watched “Dangerous Beauty” yet, but he wants to see it.

I really do get rewarded from time to time for retaining my belief in hope.

See part 3 of this story…

Hi Devon,

Thank you,
Love
Bastian

Dear Bastian,

I am sorry to hear that your heart is hurting. It feels like you’ve been struck by a wrecking ball, I’m sure, and I wish I could snap my fingers and make it stop. There really isn’t much anyone can do or say to make that internal collapsing go away: Time alone will rebuild your foundation. I won’t say that I hope you heal soon, because grief is a process with many steps that all have to be experienced in their proper order, but I will say that I hope you heal completely.

And yet there is good to be taken from this. You gave something very special to Oliver. It says something positive about you that you were willing to take that risk, and I hope you won’t repeat my mistake and cling to bitterness. Time cures, but in the meantime you have to remember to live well without Oliver. You are not responsible for him. You are responsible for you. And it doesn’t matter why he has made the series of choices he has made, it matters only that you acknowledge and move on.

Since I have been in your position many times I can completely empathize with what are probably feelings of anger, sadness, betrayal, loss, and confusion. And I know that it can be overwhelming. But I also know that if you are strong enough to give of yourself to others, that you are strong enough to give of yourself to yourself.

Feed your soul with friends and family. Immerse yourself in the hobbies and passtimes that make you happy. Embrace your pain process, and then let that energy go back out to the Universe. There is a whole support system out there waiting for you, so please do not make the mistake I made so many times: Do not isolate yourself out of fear. Take time to yourself when you need it, but remember to come back out of your dark cave and be warmed in the light of the other types of love that the people in your life WANT to share with you.

I wish you peace,

Devon

Hi, Devon. I have enjoyed your blog, because it always raises questions for me. I recall an e-mail from Sean Cody a couple of years ago, responding to my question about leaving his Mormon faith. Sometimes emotions get into conflict with one’s reasoning, and this may make it difficult to continue on course. You seem to have gone beyond that conflict – but I wonder whether there is still some feeling that your life is still not always what you would like it to be – with friends or with clients?

I wish you much personal happiness as you move through the years ahead. I truly believe that LOVE is the answer to your “bewilderment.” Sharing that love outside of yourself will be quite fulfilling in shaping your life in the future.

- J.C.

Dear J.C.,

First, thank you for your email – it is full of a particular wisdom I have not yet learned, although you are generous to imply that I stay the course. Of all my many weaknesses, my emotions (and the way they can be easily manipulated by people who shouldn’t matter) are probably my Achilles Heel. You’ll notice that I emphasized one sentence in particular in your message to me. It is particularly applicable to me: I often find that (despite all logic and experience to the contrary) I am tossed around by my own internal hurricane, like some paper sailboat floating in a gutter and tipping over with the slightest breeze.

In terms of what I want that might be different or more from my connections with people… I have no idea… I had not thought about that specifically, and now I have some introspection to do. I have shared love outside myself in the past, and it has been very destructive to me in many ways. My reaction was to overcompensate and not connect with people at all for a while, and now I am trying to learn how to keep my sailboat standing up with a little more consistency. I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle: Giving love, but only in the appropriate measure, and only to people who will respect the gesture. Conversely, I think it’s also important not to give anger, unless it is in the appropriate measure – and that is the part that I struggle with when I am upset. There is a process involved here, and it (like many of my other moments of insight/incite) will require much upheaval and analysis before I can embrace the knowledge and put it into habit.

I am glad I could raise questions in your mind, and I thank you for raising some in mine.

-Devon