Devon Hunter

Okay, so practicality has won the day. I’m not buying more jewelry right now. I mean, really. It’s pretty, but I am trying to pay debt off, not buy new stuff. I’m trying to channel my inner Buddhist at this moment, but he’s been on vacation for a while, so this practicality crap is rather annoying (even though it should be liberating).

So, instead of the lovely diamonds, I have bought AAA coverage for all my driving, and I am going to pay bills and act like a reasonable person. Meh. Sawdust in the mouth. I wish broccoli tasted like chocolate ice cream.

Perhaps I should go ahead and make a big payment on my car, seeing how it has caused me enough grief this year to not want to still owe on it? That seems reasonable. But (as much as I think my car is cute as a bug) a car payment don’t BLING like that pretty little THING.

Nahmahyo horengaykyo… Nahmahyo horengaykyo… Nahmahyo horengaykyo… (okay, the Buddhist is waking up… no… no, wait… no, he wanted to nap a bit longer). Damn.

OMG

I mean, really?

I feel like I need a personal assistant. It’s quickly gotten to where I can’t keep up with everything anymore, and I guess that’s a great problem to have; however, I can’t even find time to go to the mailbox and get the junk mail out of the way. I was called by my car insurance company who received their bill back. I’d forgotten about junk mail, and now I’m not getting my real mail!

Okay, that can be fixed.

Anyway, I finally settled into my apartment, and it looks FABULOUS. I love it! I picked what I thought was a burgundy swatch, but now that it’s on TWO FULL WALLS it’s actually stop-sign, cherry bomb RED. But it still works, since my bric-a-brac has enough muted colors to tone it down. I’ll have to take a picture and post it some time.

Oh, and if you’ve sent email and not heard back from me, please, please, please don’t take it personally. I’m evidently a superstar now (except if I were actually that important I wouldn’t know that my car insurance bill had been returned, because my personal assistant would have handled it for me). Sigh.

OH OH OH, before I forget: I still adore the sapphires I bought myself at Yule last year… and just to make sure they don’t get lonely, I’m going to adopt the diamonds that match them. HA! The red sapphires interspersed with black sapphires are also lovely… Hmmmm…

Anyway, this was alot of non sequiturs, because that’s the state of my mind lately… I know this entry probably comes across as rampant, frivolous, and in many ways out of character, but I just needed to blurt some stuff out and get anything new onto the blog. My apologies for not saying anything worth responding to. But I did want to just check in and let you all know that I’m still zipping around (bookings, performances for theatre arts and rehearsals for these performances, moving/settling, travelling for career, working out, and change, Change, CHANGE has made me neglect the blog and my memoires… gotta get back on track with all this).

Anybody wanna be my gopher??

ps

Remind me to tell you how bad the people at Cody Media pissed me off last week >:(

I got a mildly scolding email today from Brian. “You haven’t been forthcoming on your blog lately. Pity.” That may not sound terribly intense, but I think I’m a tad in the dog house.

So I wanted to give my thoughts about the dynamic of “calm vs panicked.” Escorting has not turned out to be difficult for me at all. I have met some really wonderful people thus far. Perhaps I’m lucky, but everyone I’ve met has been polite, intelligent, considerate, and engaging. I’ve had a few no-shows, and I’ve had to vet out a few people who were interested in something I cannot do (and there was one total asshole who got told where he could put his money); however, I am surprised only by how quickly I have totally adapted. The thought of dancing in clubs on a regular basis is suddenly almost revolting to me. Not because clubs are bad places, or that the people there aren’t good, but because I didn’t realize until now how much I’d been grinding myself into the dust!

So, calm vs panicked… There are some similarities between the two careers. The most nerve wracking is the unpredictability; however, I am doing so much better now that I can afford a bad night (whereas in the clubs I was always tip toeing on the edge of a chasm). When I place ads there is always the lag: The day or so that has to pass before the ad goes live and people have time to see it and reply. I generally forget that this lag is there and start worrying about what is wrong with me. WHY AREN’T THEY EMAILING?!!

Silly… How many times do I have to remind myself that everything is going to be okay? I have to say that I did exceptionally well in August and September. I am not in Atlanta this weekend (although my itinerary says I should be). I cancelled the trip. I didn’t get any replies. None. And that’s to be expected: I went two weekends in a row in August, and then I forgot to place my ad in advance this time. So, I’m taking the weekend off unexpectedly.

And you know what?

It’s okay. I’m no longer anywhere near as vulnerable as I was when I was in the clubs. And removing that stress makes everything so much better in the rest of my life. I don’t necessarily feel calm, because I’m still home so seldom that my apartment is a wreck (and that type of clutter IRRITATES me). But not being terrified of the randomness of Swinging Richards is definitely something I could get used to.

To say that I’m content with my transition into escorting is an understatement. I wish only that I’d done it sooner. However, I’m glad I didn’t do it sooner, because you should do only that with which you are comfortable. And I wasn’t comfortable with it until now. And I am very happy.

So, the dynamics are still there, but the rules remain the same (since the scale of the implications are even greater than before): Do nothing out of desparation. Avoid that which causes you pain, humiliation, fear, or guilt. Enjoy your work. The bad nights will come… but they will go.

I’m hungry… have a great weekend! I’m going to go eat something yummy.

Dear Devon,

So I was interested in getting to know a little more about you. I was an entertainer as well (ie: a dancer), but never did porn… was offered..  (thoughtfully)…as well as a musician…

I wondered: Is it hard for you to have relationships, because you’re a Sean Cody boy? And, when you do, having sex with so many guys that don’t mean anything, how is different with the person you ARE in a relationship with? Does it affect that person? Do they wind up having issues with it?

Would be cool to know you…

- luis.

Hi Luis,

First, thanks for taking the time to write a thoughtful note. I appreciate it when people talk to me, rather than at me. So, that was very nice.

It’s hard for me to have relationships, regardless of the Sean Cody videos, escorting, and exotic dancing. I have never had a good one, so I essentially made a pretty firm commitment to not bothering with them anymore. Relationships have always cost me far more than they give back. The decision to be an adult entertainer was made after I asked myself (with tears in my eyes), “But how will I find someone after this?” And my response, “If it’s the right person it won’t matter, and none of the others from before my adult entertaining were worth the hassle.” What that effectively means: I have always been better when I’m by myself, and doing Sean Cody was my way of sealing off myself from dating. Now… you want to date me? Really?? Do you REALLY want to date me??? If someone can know all this and still love me, then he is the one I want. I did this not only to make it harder for me, but harder for the “right one(s)” as well. Trial by fire, baby. I want the real thing or nothing at all. I’m intense like that.

So, to address your next question about the difference between sex with clients and sex with someone who “matters.” First: Everyone I have sex with matters. But I understand what you mean. How is it different when I’m emotionally invested? WAY WAY WAY better. I can make someone cum. That isn’t any real big skill. I pride myself on making people feel beautiful, whether I’m “invested” or not. But when I am connected deeply, the sex transforms itself. It’s nothing I “do.” It’s got more to do with what I become. But yes, there’s an emmense difference between the two. And it usually breaks my heart, and is the reason I don’t go there. I’ve made the mistake twice this year of letting people get beyond the velvet rope, and it won’t happen again for a while (person A, person B and the fallout of person B). It’s not that I don’t love. It’s that I love too much. That’s what I need protecting from. Not from others, but from myself.

As far as my career affecting others: I think it affected the two I accidentally bonded with, in that they used me as a trophy fuck. I mean, it’s fine. (No, it’s not fine at all.) But it says more about them than it does me. I slipped. My bad. I didn’t mean to actually like you…

But there you have it: No one wants what they can have. Psychologically speaking, we attach more value to what we have to earn. We attach no value to what is taken for granted. It may seem that I have created an emptiness around me, but (in fact) I have made myself all the more desireable for the right one(s), because he/they can’t have me. I’m a nice person. He/They should deserve me, and he/they should make me deserve him/them.

So, my solo went live on my birthday and my first duo has gone live on Labor Day. I am just a holiday kinda guy, I guess. There has been a question as to whether or not I will do more Sean Cody work. Yes, I will; however, when I didn’t go in July to do a third movie it was because of a pre-planned trip to Biltmore Estate. I will go to San Diego again when all the arrangements have been made.

At any rate, I do apologize for being so quiet lately, but this move is taking forever, since I’m never home. I also have to gain more experience under my belt as a companion before I start talking about it. I have some experiences to share in time, but for now I’m cogitating.

NSFW!! But here is the link for “Ryan and Fuller” for those who aren’t afraid to see more of my naughty bits.

Happy Labor Day!!