Devon Hunter

Someone, I believe it was Curt, asked me how honest I am on my blog: Pretty damn honest. I have friends worry that I tell too much. But how else am I to fulfill the mission of this blog? What would be the point of undermining one series of misconceptions by creating new ones?

I treat this writing space the same way I treat a dance studio and a theater stage: It is a space for me to share myself with people who are interested in what I have to say. I create performance art based on autobiographical material. Intimates in my audiences will shake their heads at the details I reveal in my work. But I am accustomed to being naked in front of audiences. I don’t have anything to lose or to hide. I’m not running for public office (I’ve been far too forthright about my life to ever be able to do that in the United States… a pity, since transparency would be a welcome change in our politicians).

So, to put this issue to rest: The only agenda I have on this website is to encourage patrons to see adult entertainers as people. I am faulted. I have talents. I am strong in some ways, but weak in others. I like people, even though many of them hurt me, and if I tell you what I’ve experienced, then you can bank on its being real. One of the observations I ran into at UCLA: The same professor who said I was “begrudgingly brilliant” also noted that my stories sound like fairy tales, not only because I’ve had an interesting life, but because I enjoy the telling as much as the living.

There comes a time in any career when you have to start considering how you will make your exit (Here are some ideas for careers that you can consider after leaving performance). I’m not talking about my own situation (although I’ll address that in a moment), but of a friend’s. He’s been doing adult entertainment for about two years now, and, honestly, that’s about as long as most people do it. I’d be willing to wager that if I did a survey, there would be a bell curve showing that the greatest number of people in the biz stay in it for two-three years. So, there’s nothing abnormal in having this conversation with someone.

What was interesting is that this person had forgotten about life’s options. He sat in silence for a moment when I said, “The career won’t change. Either you have to change your expectations, or you have to find new work.” I was a tad surprised when he responded with, “Wow. I mean… wow.”

He is the type of person who is happiest in a relationship, and has been dissatisfied since breaking up with his last partner. Relationships are more important to him than staying in his current work situation - he wasn’t able to connect with people, because of his career. People are willing to fuck strippers, but not willing to date us (which says more about them than us, to be frank).

And so, it is time for this person to transition out, so that he can find someone to date. That is his priority. He is going to save up his tips, go to school, start a new career, and look for a woman to bear him children. Such is the heterosexual’s world. It makes little sense to me, but it’s his life, not mine. We have to be happy in this world. That is paramount.

As for my own situation: My application to go back to school to become a Physical Therapy Assistant was rejected, because I “failed to meet minimum requirements.” Uh huh… Six months of jumping through flaming hoops for people who couldn’t read the lists of requirements in front of their faces, and it is I who fail to meet minimum requirements? I have to say I’m not all that put out - it was more rigmarole trying to get into this community college than getting into UCLA. I’d actually been figuring out how to get out of going back now, because I have a plan for getting out of debt that would have been completely undermined by being in classes.

So, it’s time for a different strategy. Both of my female roommates are moving in with their boyfriends when the current lease expires in September. I’ve not had my own place since 2003. I’ve lived with roommates for a long time now. I’m excited. Being in school would have complicated a move, so it’s another reason to be glad that this plan didn’t work. I’m happy that I’ll be free to do all of these life tasks without having to worry about missing a class session.

Also, I’ve decided to experiment with other modalities of adult entertainment. I’m exhausted of all the driving from club to club. I’m not interested in leaving the career, however. I am not done. I am still needed in the field, which probably sounds like an odd sentiment, but I have a carefully honed plan that I will share in about a year or so, when everything comes into fruition. It’s time to work smarter, not harder. I do not think I’m interested in becoming a sex worker. I wouldn’t want to do that unless I could successfully navigate being a gay courtesan of sorts. However, there are other options, and I will be flying to San Diego on May 6 in order to explore some opportunities there.

“How are you?” I asked.

“Fine.”

“Where are you from?”

“Ft. Lauderdale. There are other bystanders here for you to victimize. You can go now.”

“I’m glad this will be the only time I ever have to interact with you.”

Honestly, why would you go to a club that showcases dancers, and then act like we’re there to “victimize” you? I’ve had a variety of insults thrown at me, but that one is particularly hateful if you look at the terms this “person” used. The cover charge is only $5 at PT1109. Even if this “person” hadn’t known there’d be dancers, because he’s an out-of-towner, it wouldn’t have been a huge loss to turn around and walk back out (if dancers are offensive). Hell, they probably would’ve refunded the entry fee, if you stay that briefly.

There are at least two clubs in Ft. Lauderdale with male dancers. I don’t know what this patron’s interaction with them has possibly been, but when I encounter that level of toxicity I feel zero obligation to continue playing nice. These are the moments when I make patrons wake up and realize that I’m a human being, and not some kind of voodoo doll that can be abused in the place of whatever is causing them angst. I was so pissed with this person that I walked away with him yelling something indecipherable to my palm.

I was in a bad, bad mood already from sheer exhaustion. Of course, this patron didn’t know that, but I was not the stripper to sass that night. I then went and told the other dancers about his attitude problem. Dude got no play that night. If you think dancers don’t talk to each other, you better recognize. If he weren’t attracted to me, that’s fine. I definitely wasn’t attracted to him.

But that’s not the issue. How difficult is it to simply be polite?

Dear Devon,

I was wondering… Is there anyone who should absolutely not dance? I mean, other than looks wise, is there something about a person that should be a red flag to not get into it? My sister is interested in dancing, but I think she lives too dangerously to be good at it.

- Big Brother

Dear Big Brother,

I can definitely appreciate why you would have trepidation. Aside from the fact that there are negative temptations, potentials for danger, and sharks in the dark waters, this is also your little sister. Perhaps she isn’t all that innocent, but you can’t help but be protective of her, right? It’s natural.

I am not going to dismiss your concerns (because of all the many reasons that should alarm you); however, more than the external influences, the primary fear I have is the part where you say your sister “lives too dangerously.” What does that mean? She rides bicycles without a helmet? Or, if that is the least of your worries, does she have a history of making choices that have put her in with people or practices that are beyond wreckless/careless and bordering/converging on self-destructive?

I can tell you this right now: People who go into adult entertainment because of desperation are walking down a dangerous road. I have said this before, but it bears repeating. People who go into any form of adult entertainment (dancing, videos, sex work, etc.) because of drug habits, alcohol abuse, a sense of hopelessness, suicidal tendencies, or any other form of severe life disruptions are placed at greater risk of making choices that put them directly in the way of harm. If your sister has a preponderance for being drunk or high, she should not go into exotic dancing. There are too many people who will take advantage of that. But I’m altruistic in this detail, perhaps. I know lots of dancers who drink and get high, and who have never been accosted… but still… the risk is so much greater.

Aside from people who would be coming to the career out of desparation, people who have severe self-esteem issues should be careful. If you get affrimation, it may help you (temporarily), but if you get rejection, it may further damage you. It’s probably 50-50 there. Personally, I wish that people of the stripper mentality wouldn’t go into exotic dancing, just because it makes everything more difficult for me. But strippers gotta eat too, I suppose.

Finally, and this is something you have to be truthful to yourself about, if you have any problems with being touched intimately, you should definitely not become an exotic dancer (or any other type of adult entertainer). People with a history of sexual violence or abuse being perpetrated on them should consider carefully whether or not they are emotionally and psychologically able to tolerate sexual touches. There are different types of touch, and you need to be realistic about what you can tolerate, and to what degree.

Hey Devon,

I was wondering… What do you hate most about being a dancer?

- Inquisitive

Dear Inquisitive,

Every job has it’s challenges. There are parts of my work that I absolutely love: Performing, meeting new people, travelling to different places, setting my own schedule, having a real impetus to stay fit… Of course, all of those have their down sides as well, but generally those are my favorite parts of working in clubs.

I don’t know why you’re asking me this, so I don’t know how to frame my answer. Do you want to know, because you’re considering the career and you want to know what to expect? Or are you just curious? I suppose I can just speak to both at the same time.

Although I enjoy my work, I would have to say that these are my 10 biggest pet peeves about the work (rated from least annoying to most, for me personally):

10 Clothed patrons who make cynical comments to me about my appearance while I’m disrobed.

9 The same songs every night, no matter where I’m dancing.

8 Oily strippers.

7 Cigarette smoke.

6 Free advice from either patrons or dancers about the career that wasn’t requested in the first place.

5 Living on a completely inverted schedule from everyone else in the world.

4 Having to constantly explain why adult entertainment is a “real” career.

3 People who sit by the stage and text all night. Hello! You could do that at the back of the room!

2 Straight dancers talking shit about the gay patrons who support them.

1 Being treated like Hester Prynne by strangers outside of work while socializing with my friends in public.