Devon Hunter

“Question devon:

What does it take to be a male prostitute? Is there a college degree needed? Do your parents know that their gay child sells his scummy body with receding hair or were your parents of the same venue? These are questions that you need to answer yourself. Hopefully you will connect with the HIV virus sooner than later to eliminate your ugly scummy body mass from this earth.

How does it feel not paying any taxes; NO contribution of any kind to society ? Knowing that your future is about to end sooner than later?

Ever wonder about these items or do you justify being a sociopath? From one of your fans!!

”

———-

Answer smiley face:

I do not recognize your email address, so I’m not certain that we know one another; however, if we are acquainted and I have wronged you in some way, I apologize for that. Generally, it isn’t my intention to hurt people, particularly not to the point that they would choose to write me a note like this. If, however, we are not acquainted, I want you to know that although I haven’t hurt you, I am sorry that someone else has. It isn’t my place to apologize on behalf of the mistakes of other people, but I want you to know that you haven’t affected me, and that I hope you are able to work through whatever has been done to you. Whatever that was, you didn’t deserve it, but the only way to stop cycles like these is to consciously choose to break them. For this reason I am not going to reply to you again, no matter how/if you choose to address me after this. I have specifically created a beautiful and happy life for myself, and I hope you will also choose happiness.

I wish you peace,
Devon

Wow, has another cycle passed already?? That must mean it’s been a great year (and it has)! There is so much I want to put here in this public space, but I just can’t yet; however, there is so much going on, and soon I can talk about it freely. In the meantime, for those of you who remember when I posted pics of my engagement ring last Yule, I want you to know that exactly a year later I now have the wedding ring that I’d always intended to match with it. AND IT’S GORGEOUS! OMG Yes, I do still plan to do the wedding to myself, and I have even chosen the theme for the event. I doubt Mom and Gramma can attend in person, so I am thinking that including them via Skype would be nice. I can record everything and put it on Youtube after the fact. At any rate, I am very excited about everything and very grateful, too.

Tomorrow I have some work to do, and then I go briefly visit family for the holidays, after which I will be going to Paris, France for a week for New Year’s. Won’t that be amazing?! OMG I love my life.

I was far more thorough and precise about recapping 2010, but I just don’t feel like doing that this time around. Suffice it to say that I exceeded all my financial goals, I have started working on the website I’ve been envisioning since the spring of 2009, and I’ve strengthened some personal bonds with some very wonderful people. I am happy. 2011 has been a magnificent year for me personally, professionally, and creatively. I hope that however 2011 treated you that 2012 will be better yet. Also, it’s Yule – the Winter Solstice – the longest night of the year. This is when we celebrate the rebirth of the sun. Although the world is going to sleep, and the temperatures may drop, remember that from this point going forward the days are getting longer. If there is darkness in your life, meditate on the fact that the light is already returning. Have hope, and let this period of rest and planning be the preparation that allows you to leap forward into spring.

Happy holidays!

It’s the holiday season, and that isn’t easy for me. There’s all sorts of family crap that happens (and many of you will be able to relate to that, I’m sure). I am thankful for a great many gifts/talents, people, situations, and opportunities in my life, and I acknowledge that far more often than once per year on a day designated Thanksgiving. With that in mind, what I was most thankful for these last few days was that Thanksgiving happens only once per year. It was an intense time, and although I came through it mostly unscathed and only a tad irritated for the most part, I did feel the need to do some retail therapy.

I went to the bookstore, and without realizing the context of it at the time, I gravitated directly toward the Tao and Zen sections. About 24 hours later I recognized what had happened subconsciously: I thought I was just craving to learn something new, but I was actually responding to a deep need for calm and centering after an excruciating evening with Dad. I am so glad I was on autopilot that day. I found a fantastic little collection of Zen teachings/reminders called “The Zen Book” by Daniel Levin. One of the very first reminders reads as follows:

“You are

perfect exactly

as you are.

With all your flaws and problems,

there’s no need to change anything.

All you need to change is the thought

that you have to change.”

That evening my best friend of my whole life called me. She told me she earned her first chip from AA, which is awesome (except that I had no idea she was drinking to excess, let alone that she needed intervention of that kind). We talked at length, and she has accomplished Step 1: Admitting that alcohol controls her, and that she has a problem with which she cannot cope alone. The next step is to acknowledge that a power greater than herself can help her achieve peace, and so she is flailing between Steps 1 and 2. I advised her that now is not the moment to go back to Christianity (a religion that put her on the road to all her self-destructive excesses in the first place), because she doesn’t need salvation, forgiveness, blame, guilt, shame, or anything else that Christians tend to offer (Christ was a rockin’ dude, but his followers are generally festering pricks). I read the mantra above to her, suggested she look for a belief system outside of the monotheism traditions, and she replied,

“But I definitely DO need to change.”

“No, it’s your behavior that needs to change. You are perfect.” And I thought I was pretty accurate in saying that.

However…

I was absolutely wrong…

My best friend IS perfect exactly as she is. Her not accepting that caused her the angst and pain that lead her toward this latest incarnation of chaos. Her behavior doesn’t need to change. Her life doesn’t need to change. Her body doesn’t need to change. Her mind doesn’t need to change. Her spirit doesn’t need to change. Nothing about her needs to change. And when she knows that she won’t need to drink anymore. It’s not that her actions need to change – those are only symptoms of the underlying problem. She is perfect already, but she can’t enjoy that perfection as long as she is ignoring it.

We are perfect people who have forgotten our divinity.

As we go forward into the season of New Year Resolutions, perhaps the only change we actually need to embrace is the way we allow ourselves to be the gods we were born to be? My self-esteem issues, her drinking, your temper, his weight, their anger, our fear… All of that goes away when we channel this fundamental insight: We are perfect exactly as we are, and all we have to do is accept it. If it were simple this world would already be heaven.

Namaste.

It was a glorious day: The colors were vibrant, but just past their prime, and there were icicles everywhere. There had been a snow storm the night before, so the symbolism was perfect. There was beauty everywhere, though it sometimes seemed a bit browbeaten.

The earth is going to sleep for a spell. And we are on the cusp of rest and temporary death.

The sky was incredible – the colors in the clouds were gorgeous. I trekked up to the top of Mount Mitchell (at +6,800 ft it’s the highest point in North America east of the Mississippi River), and it was really amazing. That night I did the ritual itself on KITTEH’s screened-in sniffing parlor at my apartment. Grampa liked Port, so I used that, rather than a simple wine. KITTEH helped (KITTEH has strong magick). Grampa loved cats – sometimes I think he preferred cats to people (and I can completely relate to that).

But yes, it was a beautiful Samhain, even it it was the first time I had to do a ritual for the dead. It gave me a better sense of closure, and (for my part) I sent Grampa off on his long journey with love, friendship, peace, and joy. Happy Belated New Year!

“Au fur et au mésure que je connais mieux les hommes, je préfère mon chat.” (The more I know men, the better I like my cat.)

“C’eux qui s’amusent aux chats peuvent pas maudire les giffres.”  (People who play with cats should not curse the claws.)

This is the second interview I have done with the Men of Color Blog. In it I explain why I have been so sporadic about writing here on my own blog. I haven’t forgotten to keep a diary… I simply won’t be able to write openly again about what I’m doing until January or February, 2012. But everything is going well (though gremlins in my technology are about to get eviction notification en masse: If you ain’t payin’ rent, you betta getcha ass outta here!!). At any rate, I’m healthy and happy, and I’m still planning to marry myself this coming summer. LOL (I’ve not had cold feet yet.)

I hope your fall into Autumn is cushioned by beautiful leaves and crisps breezes.

Here is the link to the interview, which will also have a permenant entry in the Interviews & Essays tab.