Fantasies
Interview: Devon Hunter speaking to Jayson at Cock-2-Go
by Devon on Sep.01, 2010, under Career Advice, Exotic Dancers, Fantasies, Humor, Identity, Legal matters, Love, Spirituality
At the end of June, 2010 I gave a substantial interview to Jayson for his podcast. He interviews a variety of people, and I just happen to be one of the porn models he has interviewed. Jayson has a wide variety of conversations with many interesting people, and I would definitely encourage you to visit his site and peruse the archived conversations. I particularly enjoy the way Jayson injects witty, gay humor into EVERYTHING. He really is wonderful to talk to.
If you have 30 minutes (and the requisite interest in anything I would blab about), I suggest you listen to our conversation. We discussed so many different topics (in no particular order): Stripping, male and female poles, and the economy; DC FUK!T and safe sex; sexual objectification vs. dehumanization; spirituality and guilt; desperation; dating; pricing yourself as an escort; instinct vs. advice; and the list goes on and on. (Which reminds me: One of the very first blog entries I ever wrote came up in this conversation: Your Dollar is Worth About 88 Cents to Me)
I was speaking without a microphone close to my mouth, so I apologize if there are a few moments when Skype had trouble picking up my voice. Other than that, however, I feel that Jayson did a great job of asking a variety of pertinent questions. I welcome any responses here, and I’m sure Jayson wouldn’t mind if you stalked him.
Interview: Josh O’Hara
by Devon on Aug.16, 2010, under Career Advice, Fantasies, Identity, Love, Positivity
Josh O’Hara was a porn model for Titan in the early part of the ’00′s, and after becoming acquainted with him, I decided to take advantage of a scenario I’d not yet encountered: Asking someone WHO HAS DONE PORN AND THEN LEFT IT BEHIND. Most of the people I meet are CURRENTLY involved, and I wanted to talk to someone who could look back after some time and distance had separated him from the experience. Here is the conversation I had with him (click pics to enlarge them):
Devon Hunter: OMG! Titan was the company I discovered when I first started watching porn back in 1998. That stable of Titan models from 1998 – 2002 were the ones that fueled my fantasy of doing video one day… They are still amongst my favorites, and I include them on my “Who would you love to do a scene with?” wish list when people ask… And you got to work for them! That’s just fabulous. How old were you when you decided to do adult video, and what were your reasons for doing so?
Josh O’Hara: Hehe. Hi Devon, I definitely love your enthusiasm! Should I answer your question with a question? Would I be on that list of guys you’d want to do a scene with?
DH: Yes, actually you are… I’m just sayin’…
JO: HA! I think Titan men are extremely sexy – at the time they had been known more for sexy bigger and hairy types. I was definitely a departure for them.
It was a great experience all around – though, far more work than I’d anticipated! Well, I was 15 when I’d first thought I’d want to get fucked on film, since you asked. What can I say? I started maturing sexually much earlier than some guys I know. Keep in mind that I hadn’t actually been fucked until a few years later when I was 17….
It was another few years after this that I did my first film! So, in my mind it was a long time coming!
DH: Can you describe the recruitment process? Who/What/When/Where/Why/How?
JO: The recruitment process was a fresh experience for me. I actually was referred over by a friend and then went in for an interview with the founder, Bruce Cam. Contrary to popular belief, there was no “casting couch.” It was completely professional. I was actually very shy about taking off my clothes, so that he could see me naked and take a few photos!
I then met with the casting director, and we completed a profile for me (i.e. activities I’m into… stuff I’d try… types of guys I like). It was all strictly professional, and I felt that each person in the process took great pains to explain to me the nuances of the industry, what was acceptable and unacceptable behavior on set. Details like, don’t jack off for a few days before shooting… and how to properly “prepare” yourself the day of the shoot… absolutely no drugs on set, etc. (which was, again, another stereotype that was blown out of the water for me).
It was all such a wonderful and exciting process! I couldn’t wait to get in the driver… er… passenger (?) seat. Of course I was cast as a bottom, which just happens to be something I love! I started off in the “training” ground by filming a Manplay video. I’m actually not sure if it was ever released, but I do remember being thrown onto a box and being fucked by 6 guys back-to-back… talk about EXHAUSTING! I was sore for days afterward.
I guess they liked me… I returned later to film “Slammer” in 2002, then “R.E.M.” and “Exhibition” in 2003. Wow, putting that in print makes me wonder where all the time has gone! All three feature films (as well as the Manplay) were directed by Harold Creg and shot by Brian Mills, who are two extremely kind, talented, and professional men!
DH: Although you were (and still are) a stunning man, you ultimately did only three videos. What was it like working for Titan Media, and why ultimately did you decide to opt out so early of your career as a porn model?
JO: Are you always this nice? LOL. I’ve never thought of myself as “stunning,” but thank you for the compliment! My brief experience with Titan was a great one! I’ve heard stories from other friends who were in the industry at the time (working for different companies) that their experiences were pretty much the exact opposite. Guys showing up to shoots high, or not showing up at all… non-professional behavior on the sets, etc. I suppose I was very fortunate to have had the experience that I did, even if only for a brief time.
I decided to put the film career on the back burner, because at the time I we just getting started in a relationship with someone I completely fell in love with. We had actually just started dating around the time I went in to film “Slammer.” I just never really got back into it after “Exhibition” in 2003.
I started doing fitness modeling for local photographers soon after, because I had gotten more serious about the gym. So, I put my energy and focus into my daily life and hobbies, and using fitness modeling as a means to express myself physically, though, mostly just for fun.
DH: What had your life plans been before you did the videos?
JO: Well, this is quite the question, isn’t it? Gosh, I was so much younger then… I’m not sure I gave much thought to how life would be when I was in my 30′s (as I am 31 now). At that time I was wrapped up in the novelty of being gay in San Francisco. Going out every weekend, go-go dancing on occasion, partying with my boyfriend and our friends. I was still figuring out life in many ways at that time!
DH: Did the videos help or hinder your goals in any way?
I don’t think they’ve hurt my goals or life in any way… at least I can say that until I try to run for public office, right? Hmmm… maybe they’d actually be of some help!?
DH: Yeah, the ethics in South Carolina’s politics lead me to think that it’s a free-for-all. Do these videos pose any problems for you now? If so, how have you adjusted your life to accommodate them? If not, do you think they ever might?
So far I haven’t experienced any problems at all. If anything, it makes for an interesting conversation when someone tells me that they saw me in films. I enjoy the attention, and I am not shy at all about having done them.
I’d imagine that if I continued a career in film that it might pose some problems. I’ve read your blog, and lived some of what you’ve experienced at different events… when people learn that you’ve done films, then they automatically have this (sometimes negative) view of who you as a person. They seem to forget that it’s all a fantasy. I’ve also found that a lot of guys are quite hypocritical… as those same people who snubbed me more often than not tried to get into my pants. Life is completely different now, and while I have no regrets for having done them, I know I’m on the right track.
DH: So many people say adult entertainment ruins the lives of the people who do it, but I just can’t imagine that being so. But I will admit it, if I’m wrong. Do you regret doing these videos? Are you ashamed of them? Is your life ruined?
I can absolutely understand if some people have their lives ruined by doing films, as I’ve seen it happen. Personally, that hasn’t been my experience. I see sex as a beautiful expression between two (or more) people. I’m not embarrassed to share that side of me with the world. Sexuality is only one component of who we are. We are all so much more than what’s inside our pants.
DH: Do you watch these videos and see how beautiful you are, or (like me) do you find yourself unable to watch your own work? Are you content with, proud, or critical of your appearance in them?
Oh, no no no. I don’t watch them when I’m by myself. One of my friends talked me into watching “Slammer” when it came out, and I was mortified the entire time! Let me just say that we are all our own worst critics, and I am definitely not immune.
DH: Will you autograph my ass? Please? With the pen in your mouth while you’re scribbling your name? Oh, and speaking of flirtation, sex, and romance: You are in a long-term relationship. I, personally, have not found dating to be any harder than it already was. Any tidbits you’d like to share about what being in a relationship has been like, in light of the existence of your video work?
I’d gladly autograph your ass… if you’d only come a little closer… I have my pen right here in my pocket.
Relationships are all about communication and respect. Our pasts have helped shape us into the people that our lovers (or future lovers) fall in love with. Though it’s not an issue with my partner now, I have had problems in the past with boyfriends being insecure, and kind of “throwing it back in my face” that I’ve done films; however, my partner now is amazing, and he embraces my past experiences. We recently watched one of my films together, and we ended up having the most amazing sex (on the coffee table and many other places!). My video eclipsed anything that we had playing on the TV. So, while it’s nice being part of the fantasies of other men… I have to say that I’m living my ultimate fantasy right now!
Honesty: It doesn’t fucking suck as much as I expected
by Devon on Dec.15, 2009, under Fantasies, Love
Just a few days ago I blogged about a worry concerning telling someone about my career, and how that might completely end our friendship/budding relationship. I ate, Sunday (the day before yesterday), at the restaurant he manages. I had a glass of wine. I told him everything.
And he didn’t run away.
“I’m not a judgmental person,” is all he said.
In fact, he’d already figured it out. I just gogged at him a bit. This was completely unexpected, given the conversations we’d had about monogamy. “I kinda put it together on my own a while back. I’m not stupid.” I was worried over nothing. He had pieced it together two weeks before I told him. In the time since he understood why I had avoided his questions I’d already seen him a few more times. And then I spent the evening with him after I told him as well! We haven’t watched “Dangerous Beauty” yet, but he wants to see it.
I really do get rewarded from time to time for retaining my belief in hope.
See part 3 of this story…
Honesty: It fucking sucks
by Devon on Dec.10, 2009, under Fantasies, Love
I have been blogging consistently now for almost two years – next month will be my “cotton” anniversary… Somehow that seems a bit underwhelming, but what can you do? But third years are evidently celebrated with leather, so here’s hoping I get that far with this site.
In all this time I have been very open about the challenges, pleasures, obstacles, advantages, and other facets of doing what I do. And I don’t have any regrets about that at all. I wouldn’t change any of it (and I don’t, even when I write something that I later feel embarrassed about on some level). It’s all right here. That is part and parcel with the whole reason I blog.
I have generally embraced wholeheartedly the scenario that is being single. I love it. I do. Tremendously! I even plan to marry myself on my birthday in 2012. I have the ring from Tiffany’s picked out, I will have a tux tailor made, and I will have a ceremony with friends and family present. I truly enjoy singledom. In all of 2008 I think my only lapse was Kenny. In 2009 I met Allen and Steve. But I have grown to appreciate them as people, even though they weren’t what I thought they were supposed to be. They are their own men, and they have to be accepted as they are (just as I ask people to do of me). But both of them were easy to discount as potential partners, because they live far from me.
But what to do… There’s the potential to know someone better right here where I live. This is a first in three years. Since I left my last boyfriend I have not run into the possibility of a partner right in my own back yard. He has very reasonable expectations about a standard relationship. He desires monogamy, and doesn’t understand how a person cheats if he’s in love.
Sigh.
But that template works in a world that doesn’t exist!! I would just leave him as a fuckbuddy who could’ve been more, but I get the distinct impression that this is a scenario that won’t stay as it is (because he won’t let it). In the interest of preserving friendship if the potential romance sours, of defining boundaries in case a relationship develops despite my career, and of being upfront about the various pitfalls that may be waiting… I have to tell him what I do.
I’m not ashamed of my life or of my career. I do fear that he won’t understand. And there is some nervousness on my part that he will reject me out of hand (but then that won’t be a bad situation if I get out of a relationship with someone who won’t accept all of me). However, he will eventually find out, and I would much prefer to be the one to tell him. I think I will watch “Dangerous Beauty” with him, and then ask him his thoughts about this achingly beautiful movie.
I just want to be left in peace with my cat, my blog, and my short-lived trysts. Oh hell… I’m actually hoping he can handle the truth. People say they want honesty, but it seems that relationships last based on what you DON’T tell people.
Assholes don’t matter
by Devon on Nov.10, 2009, under Fantasies, Humor, Identity, Positivity
This may at first come across as a vulgar and gratuitously sexual entry; however, if you will bear with me, I will tell you why I have chosen to write it…
Yesterday I was drowning in one of my pools of emotion. I have climbed out of it much quicker than I normally do when I am mired in whatever mud my rivers churn up within me. I am not apologizing, because my emotions are part of who I am.
I spoke for an hour with my friend Jen, and we realized that I’m getting better at reining in my stallions, but that I need to focus on matching the level of my response to that which is appropriate. That isn’t to say that I am wrong to unleash the cavalry, but that I need to be more careful about when and to what degree I rattle the sabers. Almost a year ago Allen taught me to avoid scorched earth, and now I’m realizing the value of a gradated scale of alert at the airport.
Be that as it may, I then went into the normal tailspin of shame afterward for not having better control over myself; however, this time I did something special to make me feel better. I have commented on the types of touch I perceive, and after a bad day, I realized that I needed some sexual healing. (continues below video)
I went to Matt’s house almost too drained to even want to go, despite the fact that if there were ever someone I have met who should be in porn but isn’t… it is this boy. He is a fuck machine. He has blonde hair and blue eyes, a super lean body with compact and defined muscles, a cute face, an exquisite ass, and a huge dick. This 23-year-old boy was made for fucking, and he can do it for for hours. He can’t get enough! Just what the doctor ordered.
I always enjoy watching our sex in the mirror, because he is so responsive to small flicks here and deep kisses there. He writhes and moans, and is generally exceedingly flattering to my ego. But I was still just a tad distracted…
Until I caught my own eyes in the mirror and saw that I had finally connected to the moment. Between trying to suck my cock right off my body (and then trying to rip it off with his butt) I had no choice but to take the plunge… My survival was at stake! LOL
After a very long time he finally exploded into the most beautiful orgasm. His fair skin blushed red and he simpered like a little puppy. He is precious. So it was my turn, and I requested that he sit on my face while I masturbated to finish.
And then, in that precise moment, it finally occurred to me. While the mean-spirited cellar gnomes who had upset me so badly were in their little huts, groveling away over their computer screens about my latest controversy, I had a beautiful boy’s asshole in my mouth while I was jetting cum everywhere. And suddenly… those horrible people didn’t matter. They don’t matter. At all. They. Don’t. Matter.
What matters is the connection you make with people who hold you dear, and that this connection is one that nurtures you. I do not regret defending my friend. I do not regret being upset for what is happening to him. But my friend is the one who matters, not the dickhead who is bothering him. That boy last night who thinks I’m the sexiest man he’s ever met: He matters. The clients who experience joy, because they have spent quality time with me: They matter. My family matters. My cat matters.
Assholes don’t matter (unless they’re attached to the beautiful boy sitting on your face).