Devon Hunter

So then… What makes for a good kiss (and by extension, a good kisser)? It’s an important question, because for many people kissing skills are the foundation upon which someone is deemed a good lover as well. Let me offer my suggestions and observations. I am after all, a professional.

First, hygiene is of the utmost importance. All your practice and technique will be for naught if you do not have a clean mouth. Daily brushing and rinsing, along with frequent flossing, are NOT enough. Everyone knows about toothpaste, gum, rinse, and breathmints… however… there is a critical step that is so often overlooked that I feel I finally have to speak out: If you do not scrape your tongue, you are doing only half the work. My suggestion is that you do a quick brushing with water only, that you then floss, followed by brushing with toothpaste, THEN SCRAPING, and end it all with a nice rinse. (Edit: Click this link to read about tongue cleaners.)

Important note: The mouth is home to hundreds of types of bacteria. Some of them are dangerous to health; however, many of them protect you. Cleaning your mouth removes a significant portion of these microbes from your mouth for about 30 minutes. You should not go through the process of cleaning your mouth before kissing/sex, unless you can do it at least 30 minutes prior. This not only allows for the stopping of any bleeding, it also allows the good flora and mucus in your mouth to recover and help defend you from cooties. If you don’t have 30 minutes, use a sugarless breathmint.

Aside from hygiene, one must consider technique and presentation. It matters not whether you kiss dry, wet, open mouthed, closed, passionately, softly, aggressively, or deeply. It matters not if you peck, smooch, or lay it on thick. What matters most is that you constantly pay attention to the responses you are getting from your partner(s). THAT is the technique most people forget: The art of observing. Different strokes for different folk - avoid presuming that what got person A in a tizzy will work for person B. The best kissers are the ones who both lead and follow. Those who employ variety. And those who kiss to please others as much (if not more) than themselves.

I could go on, but in the interest of brevity I will focus on one third detail. Eyes. I don’t remember where I read it (probably an out-dated book on Southern manners), but I agree with it for some reason I do not understand: Do not trust someone who kisses with his eyes open. It’s fine to open and look some, but a person who kisses with the eyes constantly wide open will often be a selfish person, both in and out of bed. I don’t know why this is. It would require analysis by a professional psychologist. But I do know this: Whenever I have opened my eyes briefly and found the man glaring back at me, I have found (upon retrospect) that these are the men who have later hurt me the most. Kissers who stare give themselves away. CLOSE YOUR EYES, AND LET YOUR MIND BE YOUR SIGHT.

Devon Hunter: How do you want readers to know you? What name do you use, what is the name of your site, and what is the address online for it?
Lars: I am Lars. I actually have two sites I created to help the escort industry: One is for escorts (http://blacklistednow.blogspot.com) and one is for clients (http://beforeyoucome.blogspot.com). I think you were contacting me about BlackListedNow, so I’ll try and answer your questions here pertaining to that site.

DH: What is the purpose of your site?
Lars: BlackListedNow helps warn other escorts about problem clients. Clients who don’t show up for appointments, clients who lack respect when dealing with escorts, clients who don’t pay escorts, and of course, more serious situations (such as a client saying he’s going to use a condom, but then doesn’t; or a client who mentally or physically harms an escort).

DH: Is there a particular experience that finally made you feel compelled to create your page?
Lars: I have a number of friends who are escorts, and I felt bad for them when I would hear that they had a “no show.” I used to work in the industry, and I know how frustrating it is to get all ready for an appointment, only to have someone not even show up. It’s also quite rude.

I think it’s important to mention here that there are several sites that review male escorts (DaddysReviews.com being the most famous). But BlackListedNow is the only site that deals with negative clients specifically for the benefit of male escorts.

DH: Do you envision your site being used by other types of adult entertainers besides male escorts?
Lars: Not sure which other entertainers you mean. I’m thinking about porn models or exotic dancers. In order to put the negative client’s information “out there” you would need something that they don’t want the public to see, like a phone number. Male dancers, for example, don’t easily get that sort of information from their audience members.

DH: Do male escorts with problems with female clients ever post, or has it been all same-sex situations?
Lars: To date I think the website only shows issues with male clients. Negative situations with women do exist, but perhaps they’re not the same issues that I’ve described above. Perhaps guys feel they’re not appropriate to post on the site?

DH: Have you found that escorts feel empowered by creating a form of accountability for clients who disrespect them?
Lars: Absolutely. I hear this in feedback from them, time and time again.

DH: Are there protocols in place to make sure miffed escorts aren’t simply being vindictive towards someone who doesn’t deserve to be black listed?
Lars: To be honest with you, I don’t think that happens often. Escorts have their hands full, and
being vindictive takes time. In this industry, time really is money. To put one’s effort and time towards a client who didn’t really do anything wrong is to take time from appointments, prepping for appointments, advertising, working out, grooming, keeping one’s place clean, dealing with toys after their use, and the other demands that go on in an escort’s life.

Having said that, I will also say that there have been exactly two times when a client has contacted me to say he disagreed with the escort’s post. Those times I’ve contacted the escort to see if I could help work it out, and both times their contact information didn’t go through. I ended up pulling the original complaints. It’s not a perfect solution, but it seemed reasonable to me.

DH: Right now your site is specific to Washington, D.C. Are there any plans to expand it, so that people in other areas can make use of the board?
Lars: If someone contacts me and shows me they have a relationship to D.C., they are on it. For example, I recently had an escort from D.C. who was working in Dallas for a week, and he had an issue with a guy there - I posted that. I don’t have plans to expand it nationwide, unless someone wants to get behind me financially and back such a venture…

DH: How much effort does it require on your part to maintain the site, and does this affect your vision of how it might evolve?
Lars: I started this to help other escorts in the D.C./Maryland/Virginia areas. It’s still relatively small, because I’ve gotten area-specific. So it doesn’t really take too much time. I don’t get paid for doing this, so I’m not interested in having it grow more unless (sorry to repeat myself here) a financial backer came along.

DH: What direct/indirect benefits does your page provide to a) Adult entertainers, b) yourself, c) potential clients, and do you have any ambition to promote your site to further legal/social causes connected to sex workers in your area (or on a larger scale)?
Lars: I’ll take the second question first. I would be open to promoting the site to further legal/social causes connected to sex workers, but I’m not doing anything with that right now (if anyone has any ideas out there, contact me on that, please!)

There are three main benefits for escorts. One is that they gain a feeling of empowerment. The second is that if the client wants to work the negative situation out with the escort, they can do so, which usually results in a monetary compensation to the escort. The third benefit is more indirect: This sort of site helps to foster greater respect from clients. After all, any truly good relationship is built on mutual respect - and that is something many people seem to forget when hiring escorts.
As for potential clients… well, I think it might actually scare some clients away from hiring anyone, for fear of getting blacklisted. But in an indirect way, I’d like to believe that it benefits potential clients by boosting the transaction up a bit - I mean, making it more respectful. When people need to be accountable for their actions, everyone benefits. I suppose it indirectly affects everyone, because the industry ultimately becomes more professional.

I drive around a great deal. And there are times when the faint business voice in my head clamors a bit louder than normal, or when my well of patience finally runs dry, and I get fed up enough to remove a club from my itinerary. And Secrets has teetered on that razor edge since the very first booking I had there a few months ago. But there are many factors to consider before going that route.

First, I need the variety. I get bored quickly. I like to think this is symptomatic of rampant intelligence, but I’d not be surprised to find it simply betrays a short attention span. At any rate, it’s good to move around and remain as new as possible to as many people as possible. And yet, if a club isn’t properly primed, the patrons may not know how to show appreciation to entertainers. Cutting a club from the list is limiting in ways that can be helpful or hurtful.

Next, for me to really completely write a venue off (especially after having frequented it), I have to be pretty near irreconcilably pissed off about something that truly matters: There’s a difference between taking a break and saying “never again.” There’s a club in Macon, GA that has this status: When Scotty and I walked in they asked us, “Are you going to be sucking cock over here or over there? We need to know where to set the screens up.” Ahem. That booking was okay as far as money, and they didn’t wrangle over the fee, but they’re impossible to coordinate with (because both owners send emails separately without conferring first). So. Never again, Macon. I needed an extended break from PT1109 in Columbia, but I’m almost ready to go again. Swinging Richards is its own little vortex, but I do admit that I’ve missed not being there for the past several weeks.

Lastly (for now), I have to consider the connections I’ve made in various places. True, I find Secrets to be incredibly mismanaged on many levels. True, the money has never justified the travel required to get there. True, I find it to be ridiculously exploitative to be required to walk around naked with an erection and no guarantee of income. However…

I have made some wonderful friends in D.C. Hopefully they know who they are, and I think they know what I mean when I use the word “friend.” I would like to think I’ve made it clear to them how much I like and appreciate them. I really enjoy D.C. as a city (except for the damn “roads” and “drivers”), at least the Northwest quadrant, anyway. And I would like them to know that if it weren’t for the anchor of my dance company, I would probably move to D.C. this fall, since my lease ends in September. But there are connections in Charlotte that I’m not willing to sever just yet.

And so, despite the frustration I contend with at Secrets, I will continue (no matter what I say) to book myself there. These amazing people add something to my trip that is worth more than the cash which I do or do not make at the club. They are more valuable to me than mere money. They are treasures unto themselves. And so then: How could I not include Secrets? Cutting Secrets would mean walking away from far more than I’m willing to sacrifice.

(Tu sais bien, Monsieur SS, que tu me manques déjà, et que je ne peux guère attendre à te revoir.)

On the way home from D.C. today I had an extended conversation with a very friendly, intelligent, handsome, and curious patron who was interested in knowing more about “the biz.” He expressed the concern that he was often shy of tipping dancers, because doing so would mean he was a “troll” (because only “trolls” tip). He thus often refrained from tipping, even when he wanted to, for fear that others would think him desperate or disgusting. The following is a re-cap of what I then explained to him:

There are many types of people in clubs. Some are very well-mannered and kind, regardless of their appearance. Others are not. I think the reason the “trolls” stand out in people’s minds so much is because of the way these types of people carry themselves: They are people (often older men, but not always) who make no effort to mask their aggressive sexual energy. This being the case, they draw attention to themselves. They tend to hover and lasciviously rake a dancer over the coals for a dollar. This, however, is the very smallest minority of people who tip. They are the most visible, but the least common.

All sorts of people tip. Last night alone I was tipped by three young women, an Asian twink, several upper middle class White men in their mid- to late-thirties, a reserved but kindly White gentleman who has generously offered to let me use some of his frequent flier miles, many Black men of various dispositions ranging in age from about 25 to about 50, at least five or so Latinos (one of whom was a “troll”), and also by two affluent Lebanese college students. Those are just the ones I can think of at a moment’s notice. Now that I remember it more clearly, last night there were also several older gentlemen who tipped me repeatedly; however, they were so polite, well-groomed, and gracious that they could hardly be categorized as trolls. Of that entire list of people, only ONE was a troll.

This particular Latino of about 40 years of age was a sloppy drunk who tried to finger me several times. He followed me around the bar harrassing me for my phone number. He said, “I’ve given you so much money. Why won’t you just come home with me?” He’d tipped me a dollar about four times. THIS is a troll, and it has little to do with his age/race/appearance, and far more to do with his attitude/behavior. He was scaring me.

The point is this: Tipping doesn’t make you desparate. It doesn’t make you disgusting. Being an asshole makes you a troll. I asked this person on the phone if he’d noticed, out of the approximately 500 patrons last night, anyone he thought was normal, polite, and/or attractive. He said he definitely had. I then asked if he saw any of these people tipping dancers. He said yes. He went on to say that he didn’t think less of them for tipping. He answered his own questions.

Don’t be afraid to tip, but do approach it with some modicum of respect for the working boy who has fired up your fantasies.

Youths seeking to make gentlemen of themselves should take care to avoid dissipations, wasteful expenditures of time and resources; frivolty, which leads only to a limpid spirit; and trivial pursuits, as they are the height of selfish preoccupation with matters of no consequence. - Unknown

Okay, I admit it: That isn’t a “real” quote by some hardnose from the 19th century. I just made it up. But it exemplifies the attitude of a particular prude with a forced British accent who came into Swinging Richards last night.

“Would you like a private dance?”

“I don’t like to spend money on just anything. I have several trips planned. I part with money with difficulty, but you’re very sexy,” he said as he groped my chest and arm.

“So, you just told me that you have alot of money, that you spend alot of it, but only on yourself, and that you are, therefore, here for the free show.”

“No, that’s not true! I gave that stripper a dollar a little while ago.”

“I hope it’ll cover his rent while you’re in Majorca.”

“Well, I didn’t mean to sound greedy, but money is valuable! I don’t like to be frivolous.”

“I think you just dug a hole that you have zero hope of getting yourself out of. I wrote a blog once entitled ‘Your dollar is worth about 88 cents to me.’ You should read it.”

Stupid.