Comments on: Some of them want to abuse you

By: chad

chad — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 05:48:59 +0000

hey there… So I was reading this and I know I was there that weekend that you were in DC.. I don’t know if i was there the night that this event happened, but I would like to know who you are talking about. Not because I would go back and say shit.. because i am not like that

By: Keith Bailey

Keith Bailey — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 02:20:26 +0000

Hi Devon,
Okay well this one of your blogs hits home with me. Having come from an abusive home and having my first LTRs be rather abusive. I have to point out that some people don’t get help because they believe they deserve the abuse. I know I did. It took a long time for me to finally come to the realization that I did not deserve every bit of abuse emotional and physical that was heapped on me. This dancer may just not want help yet. You have a good heart, but in the end, you can only really help those that want the help.

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:43:43 +0000

Generally, I love people and have always been sought for advice from my friends throughout the years. But there are two groups of people for which I have never known what to say or do. The first group is depressed, suicidal people who are always hinting that they want to kill themselves. I just have never had any idea what to say to them. I don’t relate to that feeling at all, and I am just at a total loss. The second group is people who continually remain in abusive relationships. I just don’t understand it. My own sense of self preservation kicks in so strongly that I do not countenance abuse at all. The first time is the last time with me. Good luck with this situation, Devon. Thankfully you have more understanding than I do. This guy is very lucky to have you as a friend!

By: Devon

Devon — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:44:41 +0000

that song was protested b/c people took it the wrong way, and it never got the radio play that it should have. courtney love’s version of it is particularly complicated, given the multiple layers of dysfunction in her life. is she talking about one of her step fathers? one of her boy friends? kurdt cobain? who knows.

it’s an interesting theory though – do people with public personas (even at the small scale of a regionally known exotic dancer) need something “human” to balance the “god?” interesting indeed…

By: Michael

Michael — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 07:54:16 +0000

I’ve always found this song bizarre and fascinating, but your story adds a different sort of perspective to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f20Oz9Yr_So

Carole King wrote it after hearing Little Eva’s reasoning for staying in an abusive relationship. I think the general perception that performers are all-powerful and above weakness or harm always makes it seem that much more shocking (Ike and Tina, Daryl Hannah and Jackson Browne (allegedly), George Jones and Tammy Wynette, Rihanna and what’s-his-name and so on). Acknowledging that no two psychological profiles are going to be the same and aside from the reasons that we plebs make similarly odd decisions, it makes me wonder if, in some cases, this is some sort of sick (but very human) reaction to that godlike status. A way to balance out the adoration.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 15:26:52 +0000

Welcome back, hon.

I’m glad you had the courage and compassion to speak to this man.

Sometimes it seems like abuse and addiction have a lot in common. Specifically, it seems a person has to hit rock bottom before they decide to change their life. I just hope that, as with addiction, rock bottom isn’t a hospital stay or worse.

By: Devon

Devon — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 01:24:21 +0000

yes, curt… i’ve already considered that potential problem, and i don’t believe it to be an issue. i live far enough away that i’m not worried so much about the abuser finding me, and i am also very clearly not a victim any more. most abusers are bullies and stand down immediately when challenged. aside from my own personal strength, i have other forms of support that make me feel confident that if i should ever need to help the person in question that i can do it effectively. but yes, your concern is something that i’ve pondered…

joe – we will have other opportunities! i hope all is well for you

By: joe

joe — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 00:52:05 +0000

welcome back to the blogosphere devon. if you need help locally, you know you can count on me to assist. sorry i missed you this weekend, but had to deal with personal/family issues on this first holiday since our loss. hope to see you next time you are in town. happy easter my friend.

By: Curt

Curt — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 23:38:26 +0000

Hey Devon, you’re so kind for caring enough to advise and even offer your place to a fellow colleaue. However, please be careful to make sure your good intentions don’t thrust you in the middle of a situation that isn’t yours to deal with. An abusive person has no regard for whom they inflict their abuse upon and I’d hate to find out that trying to help costs you getting hurt in return. Stay sweet!