The balance of bisexuality
by Devon on Oct.22, 2008, under Bisexuality, Fantasies, Love
Bisexual people have to be some of the most marginalized in our culture. They’re too queer for heterosexuals to understand or empathize with, and they’re too straight for queers to trust or fully embrace. The former tend to lump any degree of bisexuality together with “gay,” and the latter tend to stigmatize them as cowards or indiscriminate sluts. However, bisexuality is a true sexuality - it is not just some dude’s way of getting head whenever it’s convenient while his gay friend is playing video games with him at midnight.
I’ve dated a couple of bisexual guys. Yes, it’s frustrating to know you’re not able to be everything that completes that person’s desires, and yes there are often complications if the relationship is founded upon an antiquated form of monogamy. However, bisexual people should not be treated as if monogamy is impossible for them. That’s absurd. Anyone makes the choice to cheat or not. Another option, if everyone agrees, is that a triangular dynamic might be better.
I have to confess that bisexual men are alluring to me. That’s not to say I feed into the straight boy fetish - that’s not true at all. As with Homer Simpson, I like my gay men fuh-lay-ming! What attracts me to bisexual men is their ability to appreciate the sexual beauty of so many more people than I am capable of. I know a beautiful or sexy woman when I see one, but that’s all there is: recognition. There’s no desire. Unless, of course, the desire to take her shopping and dress her in expensive haute couture counts…
Perhaps this will seem strange to say, but I accidentally discovered that I have a porn hero. I’m not sure yet what that means, but it’s the only way I can think to describe my response to Cody Cummings (see right, click to enlarge). Not only is he incredibly dedicated and disciplined in regard to his fitness regimen, but he appears to be totally at ease with being attractive to and attracted to both men and women. He has a particular presence that is fascinating, beyond the strictly sexual. Yes, he is beautiul. Yes, he has found a way to capitalize successfully on his appearance. But beyond that, when I looked at the snippets of his videos, what I came up with in my head is that this man is absolutely comfortable in his skin. That is incredibly attractive, beyond all the other glamour tied into his marketing strategy.
So, I guess the point of this entry isn’t that I wish I were bisexual (even though I maybe do), but that I remembered after seeing Cody Cummings’ site that one of my fantasies for a long time has been to have a healthy balanced relationship wherein my best girlfriend and I share a man who loves us both equally. Something about a triad is more stable in my mind. Alas, the dream is probably always easier/better than the reality.
At any rate, it’s not often an adult entertainer tells the public about his/her own fantasies. Usually we’re the ones who play upon the desires of others. I thought it might be nice to put a little piece of my personal self out there: I think it’d be fun to be a gorgeous bisexual porn star. Let me dream, ok? Return the favor just this once?
Edit (06/16/10): I no longer feel this way about this particular model; however, my views on bisexuality itself has not changed. I still own that bisexuality is a true sexuality, but in the case of Cody Cummings he seems to be faking the bisexuality for monetary gain.
October 22nd, 2008 on 12:28 pm
You just nailed it… Bisexuality I mean.
The most ironic aspect of being Bi-sexual (for me) is the fact that most gay (men) deny its existence!
This is ironic, since gays have had to fight that ignorance throughout their life… Meaning, many heteros believe “gay” is a choice - like “choosing” a tie to go with a suit.
Which in fact, at face value, is to say you’re not born gay, you choose it and it’s a lifestyle choice not a predisposition and therefore homosexuality doesn’t exist it’s just a “mind set” and all one needs to do is change their mind.
The defining line is the difference between Sex and Love…
Bisexuality and deciding to have sex with a man or woman is a choice (its just sex, like whether or not to jack off - an extreme analogy)…
However, who you desire to spend your life with (commit to, albeit have the picket fence, the kids, the dog - the “the dream” with) is more encompassing of the emotional, mental and physical - “a relationship”.
I think most of us fall somewhere between a line of emotionally more drawn to a woman or emotionally more drawn to a man - your commitment orientation - and your sexual taste falling somewhere closely in-line with that.
In other words, it’s the line between two poles.
GayStraight
The more a bisexual person is drawn toward the same sex both emotionally and physically the more “gay” relationship oriented they are, the more a bisexual person is emotionally drawn to the opposite sex, the more straight relationship oriented they are.
Bisexuals don’t chose who they want to be with anymore than gays or straights and don’t confuse sex with love.
…oh and Cody Cummings is hot!
October 22nd, 2008 on 12:40 pm
i agree with you. period. nothing left to add after that. lol
October 23rd, 2008 on 11:14 am
The triad fantasy is one that I share with you. For me having my best friend and I share the same lover seems like a perfect relationship. All parties involved get what they need: emotional support, unconditional love from more than one person, trust in more than one person, and of course the sex. A triad between 3 people who truly care about each other could be a perfect relationship. Whom ever it was that decided a relationship between 2 people was the best route to go never loved more than one person at a time. What a sad existence!
Bisexuality is one of the truest forms of love. Being able to love all beings around you regarless of gender is true unconditional love.
October 23rd, 2008 on 12:30 pm
Maybe we should become friends ;}
October 27th, 2008 on 7:41 pm
Anytime you say, my love!
January 28th, 2009 on 1:02 pm
Wow, this is an interesting one!
I need to watch more of Cody’s work. I don’t think I’ve seen enough. He’s a beautiful man, but the little that I’ve seen of his work so far–well, it made me wish he was a bit more tender and interactive with the men he’s with. He seems good at absorbing affection, but rarely have I seen him kiss a man passionately, stroke a man’s head or back while getting head, say the kinds of passionate, lustful, appreciative things that are a mark of true sensual interaction between people when they’re fucking . . . but clearly I’ve missed something. If he can seize the imagination of a discerning man like you, Devon, I need to give him more of a look.
As for the triad idea, it sounds to me like the way things purportedly were in Sparta, for example. The warrior culture. Two different types of love between the men, and between the men and their wives. Both were treasured, but separate and different.
I don’t know if I believe that ultimately most people are secure enough for this arrangement, but to those who are, more power to ya!
January 28th, 2009 on 2:43 pm
you know what? i think you’re right, jen… i have a bad habit of letting “pretty” be too much… now that you mention all this, i’ve noticed also that he doesn’t go beyond getting head from dudes either… i don’t think i’ve seen him top a guy, let alone bottom. i’m actually wondering if he’s even truly bisexual, or if this is just a thin veneer to get money out of gay men…
February 6th, 2009 on 11:26 am
I’ve seen him top, I think, but he did that stupid thing where he just kind of thrusted his hips forward and kept his hands on his hips or on the headboard above the other guy’s head. If I recall correctly. And as far as his butt-butt is concerned, I don’t even think I’ve ever seen him get rimmed let alone let anyone get up in there.
I was kinda hoping I was missing something. But I’ve read some articles on gaypornblog.com that kind of . . . well . . . they’ve had some really interesting conversations in the comments section about the last sentence you typed.
February 6th, 2009 on 3:46 pm
i’ve seen him get rimmed, but i’ve not seen him do it. and yes, i did see him top in an impersonal manner… what were the opitnions on the other site about gay men giving money to “bi” and “gay” guys?
February 6th, 2009 on 4:30 pm
Well, the opinions ranged from believing it was a shameful sign of self-hatred, to the traditional “I’m a MAN. I like MEN.” thing, and many stops in between.
February 7th, 2009 on 7:55 pm
of course… how boring. i’ve heard that convo so many times i’m not even interested in it anymore.
February 8th, 2009 on 8:36 am
Yeah, those conversations do tend to get circular. But maybe on one of those repetitions a few more people each time question their concept of gender and sexuality. I guess that’s my take on it.
June 15th, 2010 on 5:45 pm
I realize this is an older post but Cody Cummings has NEVER topped a guy on film. The closest he came to any gay contact that wasn’t one sided was when he touched Tommy D’s penis in a bi scene YEARS ago. He has only recently began to touch them on the shoulderor head after 3 years of request that he show his male partners attention. Usually he lies there with his eyes closed or watches straight porn to get off. He DOES NOT identify as bisexual. He is a raging homophobe off camera and a royal douche. I have seen him literally slap his scene partners hands off him as soon as the director said done. He is vile and so is Next Door for promoting him.
June 15th, 2010 on 9:43 pm
Hey Derek,
Yes, I know that know… Unfortunately, when I first became acquainted with him I was looking only at the previews, which play up what little interaction he does do. Fuller did that hand slap off thing to me, too. It’s rather hurtful, but what can you do? I don’t go back and change blog entries, unless I put an “Edit:” notification in. I have been meaning to address this, but put it off, since it’s an older entry. I will do an “Edit:” now, because I have to say that the thrill is gone.