My stage name is Jasper, but my real name is Marcus. I just wanted to be clear on that, so that when I don’t sign this “Jasper,” you’ll know why. Anyway, I think you understand when I say it’s difficult to let people in. But I’ve been single a long time, and I met someone that I like and I’m ready to love again. Or ready to try anyway – I know failure is a possibility, but I’m tired of being alone and lonely. His name is Paul, and I feel that we share that rare connection. The problem is that he knows I’m a dancer (he met me at the club, in fact), and although he is totally into me he thinks I’m being nice to him, because I’m nice to everyone. We went to dinner. I told him my real name, and gave him my number. I even told my Mom about him! He says I meet tons of men, and I can have whoever I want. How do I let him know that I really do want him? How do I get him to separate my work from my heart?
Wow… Boy do I ever understand this situation! Far too well… At any rate, if this is truly something you want to do, despite the complications that could very well come up, then you definitely don’t want to have regrets later for not at least trying. I’m not suggesting that you necessarily copy and paste what I’m about to write, but I think it’s sufficiently sincere enough to be worth rewording in your own way:
“Paul, you know that I’m a dancer, and that I sell fantasies. And yes, I do meet tons of men; however, I don’t meet tons of men that I go to dinner with and tell my mother about. I’ve told you my birth name, which is a huge leap of faith for me. I can understand why you might question my sincerity; however, Jasper takes care of business, and doesn’t truly let people in. This is Marcus talking to you, and I am speaking from a place of vulnerability. There isn’t anything complicated that you should try to read into this: I am interested in you.”
I think that’d be a good start. It’d make me take note if someone said it to me. But I would like to make a point here: Being alone and being lonely aren’t necessarily the same. I would advise anyone to make certain first that s/he is a whole person looking for another whole person. I do not believe in two halves making a whole – that is completely inadequate. Seek synergy. 1 + 1 = 3 is far, far better than 1/2 + 1/2 = 1. Good luck to you, and make sure you pay attention.