Would you say this to anyone else?
by Devon on Oct.07, 2008, under Etiquette, Hurtful episodes
This past weekend I was supposed to see Janet Jackson in concert; however, she was sick, so after driving to Greensboro, NC I immediately had to turn around and drive back to Charlotte. That sucked. Really bad. We’re having a gas shortage, so I’m out the gas, I’m out the concert, and I’m out the night of work. To make it worse my new roommate’s dog attacked me when I got home, and when I decided to leave and go dancing just for fun for the first time in a year I found that my car had been egged so hard that the paint on my car is completely chipped off in some places. SUCK!
Anyway, I decide that October 4, 2008 is the best candidate for a “I’m gonna get drunk” night that I’ve had in a very long time. I go to clubs for fun so rarely that I almost want to use the word never; however, that’s not true, but you get the point. I’d not had a night off at home and been in the mood to go to a club in a year or more. So, away I went to Charlotte’s newest gay dance club: The Garden and Gun Club. It’s actually very posh, and I loved the environment; however, I had some situations come up that reminded me why I avoid going to clubs when I’m not working…
- Within 10 minutes of getting there I was recognized by people who used to see me dance at Chasers, waaaaaaay back in the day. I was then, after much coddling (and 3 buttery nipples – yet another indulgence that happens rarely) wrangled into giving 3 lap dances to some chics who were there for a bachelorette party.
- I was approached by an ecstasy queen whom I’d blocked on Manhunt, because he kept harrassing me to date him, even when I’d told him in person at a club that I wasn’t interested.
- Some other people came up to me and started groping me (the #1 reason why I do not go to clubs when I’m not working: Other people don’t understand the difference between me being there as an entertainer and me being there as a patron). They then told me that I’d lost all my muscle mass (a ridiculous comment to make, given the fact that I’ve gained 30 pounds of lean mass in the year or more since they’d seen me last), and started making comments about my build and assessing me as if I were a horse up for sale. It was like I wasn’t even standing there. I was being completely objectified. I understand very well that this is part and parcel with what I do for a living, but it still seemed completely insensitive and beyond inappropriate for them to talk about me like I couldn’t speak English. Now I’m curious:
Would these people have felt it was okay to speak about me in such completely dehumanizing terms if they saw me as a person and not a personality or a sexual commodity?
3 Comments for this entry
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October 17th, 2008 on 11:50 am
Intersting stuff…
To be honest, I often thought (or assumed) that Male Dancers were not heaped in to the same sterotype as that of Female Dancers.
That is until fairly recently when a few different people gay men and straight women said that they would consider having sex with an exotic dancer/stripper, but never a relationship…
Which begs the question…
with that being said, who’s the “ho” in that scenario?
There are multititude of reasons for that one gets in to any profession and usually they relate to either: passion, fame, ego, or a means to an end – and possibly in some cases, all of the above.
…judge not, less ye be judge
Nice site Devon Hunter
and thanks for sharing
Rock On!
October 19th, 2008 on 12:52 pm
Yeah, I think in general that sexual objectification is what it is… and I’m not one to complain about that, since I make a living from objectifying myself; however, whereas I distinguish between being at work and socializing, other people do not. They don’t seem to get the concept that it’s something that I keep separate from my day-to-day living. But that’s what this blog is for – to help bring a human face to the career.
February 6th, 2009 on 10:55 am
I really hope more and more people visit this site, Devon. This is really important knowledge for people to have. Who knows but that you could start some sort of revolution?
I don’t know what got me thinking about it originally, but years ago I decided that I’d make a personal constitutional ammendment that if I ever saw a celebrity of any kind in person out in public, I’m not even going to speak to them. A little smile of recognition. A nod. I see a certain baseball star downstairs at my bagel shop all the time, and he knows I know who he is, but that I’m not going to bother him. After that sunk in, he started saying goodmorning to me. That’s the way I want it.
I know you’re not saying people shouldn’t talk to you at all, particularly on a night when you want to socialize, but starting from that level of respect for a person’s right to privacy is good, in my opinion. Start conservatively and let the person in question give cues as to what’s acceptable.