Today I had a couple significant firsts simultaneously in one appointment: I had sex with a woman for the first time, and at the same time I had an MMF three-way for the first time. I am no longer a gold-star gay. It has been the only thought on my mind since the moment this afternoon when I realized my client was female. I never presumed I would ever be with a woman (let alone within the context of escorting… let alone by surprise), and I never thought doing so would cause such a dynamic shift in my sense of self; however, I think this type of experience would be just as profound for someone heterosexual who has suddenly had an irrefutably (and not unpleasant) gay liaison.

Let me explain…

This client contacted me weeks ago. Everything about the exchange was exactly perfect, and the only red flag of any kind was this person claiming to be part of a really hot couple. This person was direct, spoke enthusiastically about the male form and what it can do, and wrote about  their significant other in terms that sounded typical to any gay conversation I have ever had with gay men about other gay men, with the focus being on how fit, muscular, and hot they are as a couple. I have found that women have a different way of talking about men, sexuality, desire, bodies, and fantasies, so the POV in all our exchanges sounded like any gay convo… In five years I have had only two women contact me prior to this, and both of them were candid up front about being women. I’m gay. I declined their inquiries, because I feel I would be cheating them in the event that I couldn’t give them an enjoyable experience. I had no reason to presume anything singular was taking place during this particular conversation. The client’s name wasn’t (to me) especially gender specific, so I presumed an “athletic/very attractive” gay couple had just booked an appointment with me.

Today I arrived at the location for our meeting. I had just received a message that a key card was required to access the elevator and to meet in the lobby. I texted to mark my arrival. The response I got said, “Great – I will be in a long grey dress.”

Why would a man who was concerned about discretion want to meet me in the lobby of a busy conference hotel while wearing a long grey dress?

Then it dawned on me: I never assumed, guessed, conceived, or considered that the person who had contacted me was anything other than an athletic gay man. I confess I instantly fell into a throat clinching panic attack. And what was worse, nearly every woman in the lobby was wearing a long grey dress. Everywhere I turned there were women walking toward me wearing long grey dresses. I thought I was going to be ill from stress. I had never done anything with a woman before! My ad doesn’t specify that I’m gay, but I always thought everyone just knew… LOOK AT ME FOR GOD’S SAKE! I wouldn’t even know what to do or how to do it. I wouldn’t have a clue about gauging her degree of satisfaction with my bungled attempts, and I wasn’t confident I could even function…

But I have never, not once ever, turned a client away upon meeting them for the first time in person. And I wasn’t going to start today. “This is absurd,” I thought to myself. Billions of men have sex with women every day throughout all of forever… But I’m gay! “And millions of gay men have had sex with women, too.” Well, that ended that convo inside my head. And let me say this: I have never been afraid of or disgusted by women’s bodies the way other gays seem to be. You can even find entries on this blog over the years where I say exactly that. I was raised by women, came of age in dance classes with girls, and went to college and graduate school in nearly 100% female departments. I know how to lift women. I know how to talk to women. I know how to carry women. I know how to relate to women. I know how to love and adore women. I know… nothing about the practical application of female sexuality. I can’t even blog about it without it sounding like a graduate course in gender studies.

And then, out of nowhere, there she was. And she was right: She was fit and beautiful. I know what a gorgeous woman looks like. I’d just never… well… you know. We went up to her room, and I said nothing beyond the normal pleasantries. I was trying to formulate my thoughts. When we were inside I said candidly, “I have never been with a woman before. I know nothing about it. You will have to talk to me and tell me if I don’t do it right. I mistook your name for belonging to a man, so I had no idea until just now when you mentioned wearing a dress. I totally understand if you want me to leave.” I think I sounded like a terrified teenager. Perhaps that was endearing to her, because she told me to stay. Then her man walked in to say hello… Oh… Yes, the magic will happen. One way or another, everything was going to be fine. LOL

I won’t burden you with the details, because it isn’t my place to disrespect anyone’s need for discretion; however, let me say that she was telling the complete truth: They are an absolutely stunning couple. Fitness model material, the both of them. They were pristine in their hygiene and cordial in their manners. I enjoyed my time with them, because I learned a great deal about myself during our time together. This career isn’t always about me showing others to themselves, it is also an opportunity for me to evolve and grow too. Does that mean I’m bisexual or straight now? No, of course not. But it completely solidifies my long held opinion: Gay men who are dramatically and vulgarly offended by women’s bodies are totally out of line. It’s hypocritical for gay men to demand respect and recognition for their own bodies and sexualities when so many gay men express panic-stricken revulsion toward half the people on the planet.

My female client was stunning. I mean, really: She is a gorgeous creature. Her body was trim, strong, clean, proportionate, healthy and beautiful. This idea other gay men fling about, that her female parts are disgusting in and of themselves, offends me. Her parts looked like an exotic tropical flower. I know her body (and all its parts) was exquisite. And although I am grateful and happy that hers was the first female body I have known, it also reaffirms that I am gay. For all her beauty, charm, kindness, skill, and form, I was electrified by the presence of her man. I would enjoy seeing her and her partner as often as they would like, and I would still be gay after every encounter.

Now a word about her man… Jesus! (I think she must be the luckiest chic on the planet. LOL I will say no more.)

At any rate, my personal escorting business is based heavily on repeat clients. I would be absolutely thrilled for this couple to become regulars. They are respectful, reliable, clean, courteous, successful people. If nothing else, I hope this blog entry will remind people of the simple fact that ALL sorts of people hire sex workers for ALL sorts of reasons. This gorgeous couple had been turned down by the attractive straight couples they knew (many of whom are too sexually conventional to go along with their playtime fantasies), and they had been soundly rejected by all their gay friends too (because of her gender). So, they found me. And now my personal boundaries have been expanded a bit, and I am coming to terms with the fact that I am a Sterling Silver Gay (instead of a Gold Star Gay). And I’m not sorry about that at all.

This is what Mom had to say: “Calm down, it’s just a different hole. Pretend it was a warm watermelon if it makes you feel better and take a shower. She didn’t propose did she? It was some kind of safe way for her to have another man with her hubby not worried you would take her away from him. <3” This has been a reading from the Gospel According to Mom. You may all take a moment to reflect quietly in your hearts. LOL

I do have some questions though: Why didn’t someone warn me that a clitoris could stretch so much? I was terrified I would pull it off or something. It was like a gummy worm, and I was scared I was going to tear it or break it somehow. Also, how can a man know when he’s doing it right (other than he gets paid his fee at the end)? I mean… with men it’s way more obvious… I have no idea if I actually did anything to her liking. I asked if she was happy, and she said very; however, I am accustomed to… “proof.” Also, how the hell does something the size of a watermelon come out of a spot no bigger than a lemon? I may pass out at the thought… I need a glass of water.

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15 Comments

  1. Sweetie! I am so proud of you! I was so worried that you would be left traumatized. lol But seriously, in spite of all my jokes, I am not at all surprised that you came through with flying colors, and I am sure they are both deeply happy. And I admire you more than ever!

    P.S.: Not all women are vocal about their pleasure, but the vagina contracts rhythmically at orgasm, and the clit (under the hood) throbs. Little tiny throbs, like the ticking of a watch when you hold it in your hand.

  2. Dearest… I was terribly concerned like Jennifer that you would be traumatized by this experience but am not shocked at all that you are using it as the growth experience that it was! I continue to admire the way you approach new experiences and how you use them to make yourself more utterly fabulous!!!

  3. Many people are commenting on Twitter that it is WOMEN who are tweeting/writing supportive comments to me here and on Twitter… I would point out that it was WOMEN who were supportive of me when I came out as gay. Back then I was vilified by straight MEN, and now I’m being vilified by gay MEN. I am not going to apologize for or change anything I have written here in order to please people. I have never caved to that type of pressure, and I won’t start now. I seem to remember something similar (but on a much smaller scale) happening when I wrote about Sean Cody: Gay MEN were bashing me then too. So, to be clear, my interaction with men of any sexual persuasion will be fine ONLY so long as I don’t do or say anything that threatens their fantasies. Is that about right?

    If you are a gay man who is so offended by this entry that you simply cannot bear it, that says more about you than it does about me. I just told a client that I am responsible for what I do and say, not what others understand and feel. If I will take that line with a client, why would I show any more latitude toward anonymous trolls on the internet? I shared this, because it’s what I do on my blog: I share. You can go read something else at any time. My blog will still be here. Have a nice, vagina-free day.

  4. I am excited to hear you have made this experience into a positive one instead of supporting the anti-woman, gay male rhetoric. You have always been respectful of all people and see them for more than their labels. This, seems to me, to be an act of selflessness and I love you all the more for it.

  5. I’m a bit late to read this blog entry and I NEVER leave comments but wow! I’ve always respected you as an artist and courtesan but this increases my respect for you ten-fold! You are an amazing man, Devon!!!

  6. I’m not offended, but I am surprised. I self identify as gay, but I know that it is no problem for a gay guy to perform “like a straight dude” with a lady if a man has the right incentive.

    I try not to ask probing questions, but I assume that sex workers aren’t always turned on by their clients. This client’s anatomy is merely a detail.

    But if you feel that you have expanded your repertoire as a courtesan, I am proud for you. 🙂

  7. I hope i’m not too late to comment! I really wanted a full view of the response before I put my two-cents in. I hope that’s okay.

    Okay, so, I think this was a very well-written post, and i’m honestly glad you were able to have a good experience after what basically seems to have been… well a trick. I wouldn’t, like the women in your comments, say that this is particularly groundbreaking and I certainly wouldn’t say my respect for you rose, which I find very offensive to hear. But it’s cool with me. Do you. However, I can also understand how your gay fans would be upset by a development like this. I think some of their concerns are valid, while others are just based in unreasonable expectations.

    Okay, so first, you’ve always been openly and unapologetically gay. Your claim to fame was the scathing essay you wrote on your experiences and delivered a pretty good read to Sean Cody and their “gay4pay” model. A lot of gay men really identified with this, me being one of them. You appealed to me as a gay man who loves being gay, and won’t apologise for not being straight. Okay, now we come to this post.

    In the post, you do not just mention having a female client and finding the experience better than you expected. I honestly don’t think there would have been much of a reaction to that. In fact, what I saw drawing the strongest reaction was your description of the experience, especially her anatomy. It was not just respectful of a female body, it was adoring. You described how beautiful she and her body were in precise and poetic detail over the course of three paragraphs. In more frank terms, the perception was you put pussy on a pedestal. You did not describe the male in the situation other than to acknowledge he was also attractive, and your attraction to him in spite of his breathtakingly beautiful wife further confirmed your persisting homosexuality. I hope you’re seeing how this could bother your readers. But, that’s not all.

    Throughout this post, you repeatedly and in no uncertain terms condemn gay men who are vocal about their lack of attraction to women. You say that gay men who find the female genitalia unpleasant or off-putting, and make those feelings known, are wrong to feel that way and wrong to react in whatever way displays their true feelings. You also say that you are personally offended by this. Then you go on to describe how beautiful this woman was and how lovely her parts were. I certainly understand how someone who probably discovered you through your Sean Cody article (where you appeared so proudly gay and so critical of the gay4pay model) would be upset by you, years later, waxing poetic about a sexual encounter with a woman (the man in the situation mostly left out of the story) and telling gay men that finding women unattractive and finding their genitalia gross is wrong and offensive.

    The final reason, and the one I promised did not seem as valid, is your status as something of a pristine example of gay sexuality. Like i’ve said before, you earned quite a following from your unabashed gayness in dealing with the g4p powers-that-be in Sean Cody. I don’t think it’s fair or reasonable, but because of that I know people have set you up as this sort of gay figure, immovable and unshakable in your gayness in face of an industry that finds straightness more marketable and thus more desirable. And then here you are, gleefully expounding your recent heterosexual experience. I don’t think this is fair to you as a person, and especially not as a sex worker.

    And that’s all I have. I hope you’re open to hearing it. So, I don’t seem anonymous, I follow you on twitter, i’m (at) demisaysstuff.

  8. Hey Lee, no it’s not too late to comment. And yes, I’m open to hearing what you have to say; however, I am gay because I love men, not because I hate women. What offends me about the way many gay men respond to female bodies is the hypocrisy that they are offended themselves when straight people respond in kind to ideas about gay bodies. I will not apologize for thinking that gay men who hate women are offensive, especially if they have the audacity to demand acceptance from other people. Misogyny is not a lesser form of hatred than homophobia.

    Also, and this may sound bitter (probably because it is), but I really care less and less what my “community” has to say about my sexuality. I don’t know if you remember it or not, but I was hammered relentlessly for months by my “community” when I wrote that other entry that you mentioned. I was wished death, AIDS, torture, poverty, rejection, and harassment… by my “community.” And here we are again, with “my people” wishing me death, AIDS, etc. ad nauseum. Back then people said I lied about homophobia on set “for attention.” Now people are saying I invented this situation “for attention.” You know what? I don’t make shit up. And if I did, why would I make up these types of scenarios? So that people can accuse me of being a proponent of ex-gay conversion therapy, despite twenty years of activism on behalf of “my community?” So that they can say I am affiliated with the Texas Republican caucus? So that they can blame me for gay suicide? That type of hysteria, both when I was talking about interrupting homophobic fantasy and surviving an encounter with a vagina, is complete hyperbole. And this type of reaction from people doesn’t do anything but underscore that I was right in both instances.

    Ultimately, what I have learned from these various crucifixions is that I don’t really have a community per se. I am a solitary sex worker. I do the best I can inventing the wheel for myself as I go, because there are almost zero people near me who do what I do in the way I am comfortable doing it. Again, I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what people purposefully misunderstand.

  9. It’s not rocket science:
    Devon, you like having sex with that woman.
    You’re bisexual.
    And that’s why you’re not disgusted by her body.
    Maybe your main preference both phisically and on a less phisical level is for men, but you like that female body.
    What you don’t get is that other men that are actually gay-and not bisexual like you-don’t like female bodies and that’s why they are disgusted by it and react to it with repulsion, just like straight men don’t like male bodies and react to it withh that same kind of repulsion.

  10. Andrea, no matter how ardently you wish to impose the limitations of your capacity for understanding the intricacies of life on another person, those limitations remain yours and yours alone.

  11. Jennifer, bisexuality is not a limitation, but a definition of a certain sexual behavior. Bisexual men and women find sex with both genders enjoyable. And, since he likes sex with both genders, this makes him bisexual. And it doesn’t matter how often someone have sex with one gender or the other or how much he or she likes a certain kind of sex with a certain gender. He’s or she’s still bisexual.
    Ask a random psychologist and he’ll say the same things I wrote.

  12. Bisexuality itself isn’t the limitation–your seeming inability to separate the “roll with the punches without juvenile squeamishness about female body parts” of the consummate professional sex worker that Devon is, from bisexuality, is the limitation.

    Further, I despise the tendency of some people to think they have the right to define for any individual what their sexual orientation is, and the codifying of identity via behavior. I lived in a garage once, and though it wasn’t preferred or convenient, I managed to make myself comfortable. Does that make me a car?

    Devon knows who he is far better than you do, so maybe you should stop pretending that you’re relating to this from an academic standpoint, and admit that your own limited scope of understanding makes you think he’s somehow got cooties because he interacted with a vagina.

  13. The limitation here is his self identification as gay, something he did for most of his life, even if new facts say something new and unexpected.

  14. Wow. Nice story! Most gay men wouldn’t have been able to go through with what you did. I love how you were taken by surprise but were still courageous/adventurous enough to sleep with her despite being gay. And it’s cool that she knew you were gay and still wanted to sleep with you, a lot of women would be bothered by that. It was very thoughtful and professional of you that you were confused and apprehensive but still pleasured her pussy and clit despite your hang-ups. I wish all gay men were as open-minded as you are. As for the gay men who gave you a hard time over this, lol, I think they are protesting too hard. They are probably mad at your story because they are jealous and in denial over their repressed lusts for pussy/clit. Maybe they should loosen up and try pussy too, lol.

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