The online diary of a gay courtesan.

Marriage Ceremony

 

11:45 am, ANNIE: Announce 15 minutes until ceremony, and put do not disturb sign on the front door.

11:55 am, ANNIE: Announce 5 minutes until ceremony: “We shall begin in 5 minutes. When you hear the chime ring 3 times, please come to stillness and quiet. Please put on your masks if you have not done so already, and silence your devices at this time.”

Noon, ANNIE: enters and rings Chime 3 times, light center candle on altar, put ring on wand, then stand aside as others enter. Hand the striker to Corbie and the chime to Kristi. Annie join the audience.

(Entry), Devon enters from bedroom, when he steps forward to the altar the following enter behind and move to the altar to make a circle:
(Future)    Nate from the office & JP Barnaby from the bedroom
(Present)    James from the office & Jen from the bedroom
(Past)        Corbie from the office & Kristi from the bedroom

(Invocation), Devon reads: “I have asked you all to gather here today to join me in celebrating a personal rite of  passage, an occasion as old as culture, yet as new as the dawn. This day I give myself to myself in marriage. In doing so, I echo the Hiero Gamos of old, the Sacred Marriage joining together the divine Masculine and Feminine; the past, the present, and the future. Thus, what you witness today is not an act of narcissism, but rather an act of integrated union, wholeness, and healing. I ask you now to be witnesses.” -> RING CHIME ON LECTERN ONCE

Participants respond: “We are witnesses.”

(Blessings), Devon reads: “Standing about me, there are 6, bringing with me my past and present in active and nurturing modes, facing the future yet to come. Three being the nature of time and progress, the
 6-around-1 flower motif being the bloom of integrated space and existence…”

Devon says: “What says my Past?”

Corbie: “Lessons have been learned, wisdom has been gained.”
Kristy: “Do unto YOURSELF as you would have others do unto you.”
Kristy offers the chime to Devon, Corbie offers the striker to Devon. Each light an outside candle and return to their places.

Devon reads: “Thus, with this, the union of Metal and Wood, is the First Blessing made. I clear away that which binds me to the unhealthy patterns of the past, and dig my roots deep into the rich experience that will carry me forward.”

Devon rings the chime 7 times… 6 directions, and center. Places chime on altar. Returning to center, sweeping hands out so palms face both Present witnesses:

Devon says: “What says my Present?”

James: “Your body and mind are whole, strong, and powerful.”
Jen: “Your heart and soul are loving, harmonious, and happy.”

Jen offers Devon the glass of water, James offers Devon the glass of salt. Each light an outer candle and return to their places.

Devon says: “Thus, with this, the union of Water and Earth, is the Second Blessing made. I wash away the obstacles that stand in my present, and affirm the solid foundation beneath my feet that will support my journey forward.”

Devon pours water into salt, asperges in 6 directions, and anoints head. Return glass to alter. Returning to center, sweeping hands out so palms face both Future witnesses:

Devon says: “What says my Future?”

Nate: “You are perfect… and you can be improved.”
JP Barnaby: “Thoughts become things: Always remember gratitude.”

Nate strikes a match and hands it to Devon. JP offers Devon the cone of incense. Each light an outer candle and return to their places.

Devon says:    “Thus, with this, the union of Fire and Air, is the Third Blessing made. I burn away all the cloudy illusions that bar my progress, and breathe life into the visions that, like a torch, shall light my way forward.”

Fan smoke in 6 Directions and to Self. Place items on altar.

(Ring) Devon picks up Wand by both ends to show ring to all.

Devon reads: “It is my intent to be joined in Handfasting, self given to Self, now in the Presence of the Divine and all here assembled; so I present this ring, and make make my vow.”

(Vows) Devon reads: “I vow that I will love, honor, and cherish myself as a complete person. I vow to remain whole unto myself. I vow to reject the idea that half plus half equals one, and I will engage only in synergistic relationships where one plus one equals three.”
PUT RING ON FINGER AND PUT WAND ON ALTAR

(Handfasting) PICK UP CORD

Devon reads: “This cord I wove symbolizes the intertwining of my love for myself expressed as pride, my love for others expressed as community, and my love for life expressed as gratitude. This cord is as light and soft as silk, but strong as steel; likewise should be the bonds of friendship, empathy, and trust. On this day in me is the Divine made manifest. Therefore, witnessed by these present in this most sacred of spaces, my home, I do charge myself, seal myself, and bind myself, heart-joined and hand-fast, to abide in affection and honor, now and in the days to come.”

Corbie and Kristy STEP FORWARD TO PERFORM KNOTTING, both PLACE CORD ON Devon AS A SASH AND RETURN TO PLACE

(Declaration) Devon reads: “All that I have been, all that I am, and all that I shall be, Divine willing, have been given in union. I know that these words are among the most powerful in our language, and that they are spoken in love of the Divine: They bind in this world and all worlds, this life and all lives. It is finished and it is begun. All people are one people; all times timeless; all loves, one love; many Masks of one Reality. I am One.”

Devon finishes: “We often construct beautiful facades to hide behind. At this time, I invite you to take off your masks, to see and accept the true you, and to allow others the privilege of knowing your authentic self.”

Devon removes mask, witnesses remove masks.

Devon says: “This rite has ended, but my new life has begun.”
LIGHT CENTER CANDLE

ANNIE THROWS BUTTERFLY CONFETTI

Devon exits, and everyone is free to mingle.

(Update, 7/20/13: This entry is “Sacrament: Marriage (I Do: A Vow to Myself)” in the collection “The Gospel According to Anteros.”)

7 comments

1 Norm { 07.02.12 at 12:47 am }

Congrats on the wedding; happy for you man! You did it on my birthday. Let me know when your back in Chicago.

2 CaliMan { 07.23.12 at 3:32 pm }

This looks more like a deleted scene workup from “Eyes Wide Shut”. The masks make it look like it’s a Scientologist marriage parody. Be happy, but Jeez. You really need this much validation for your self-image?

3 Devon { 07.23.12 at 4:15 pm }

I think you have utterly missed the entire point.

4 Devon { 01.19.13 at 11:55 pm }

Is this based on a pagan-possibly-wiccan style of ceremony? Is there another blog entry explaining the rituals involved? Why were masks worn? Are the witnesses long-time friends? If so do they belong the same spiritual community? If not did anyone at first think it was weird?

5 Devon { 01.20.13 at 11:26 pm }

Yes, it is based on a few different ceremonies of Pagan/Wiccan design; however, it was tailored specifically to me and the symbols that I use in my own practice. I don’t know that I explain anything any more than I already do during the ceremony itself (the transcript for which is posted beneath the video). The witnesses are people whom I had known between 1 and 20 years. Two of the six participants are Pagan, one is Buddhist, one is Christian, and two are agnostic (though one of those I suspect of embracing the Goddess in a feminist energy kinda way, although she was raised Catholic). The videographer is a spiritualist who is a massage therapist and energy worker. No one thought it was weird. All of them (and most of the people watching) were long time friends who understood why I was doing this, and all were totally supportive. My Mom and Gramma couldn’t attend because of illness, and my sister wasn’t able to leave her post with the Coast Guard; however, they also were totally supportive. My upstairs neighbor came 100 feet to see it, some friends came 100 miles, and a few came thousands of miles (e.g. Chicago, Minneapolis, San Francisco). They all treated it with the same honor and respect as anyone else’s ceremony to solemnize a vow. 🙂

6 Devon { 02.13.13 at 6:35 pm }

Devon, if you weren’t an escort or an adult entertainer would your marriage to yourself also be a commitment to celibacy?

7 Devon { 02.13.13 at 7:29 pm }

No, I never intended that. Back in 2004, after a bad breakup, I committed myself to celibacy until I was in a relationship. I was celibate for 18 months, and ended up “falling in love” with a guy BECAUSE of the sex. That started the prolonged, entirely ridiculous process that led to me dating my last boyfriend and getting defrauded. Lack of sex makes my judgement even worse once I do start dating. I start equating sex with love, so it is not healthy for me to be celibate.

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