Hello and Happy Holidays! Wow, 2010 has all but flown by already… You’re getting old! (I’m not. Somehow, I’m still 24. ;))
I want to take a moment to give thanks and appreciation to family, friends, patrons, readers, and other positive people in my life. Having a network of supportive people is so important, and I am deeply grateful for all of them. I’m even grateful for the challenges, obstacles, naysayers, haters, and porn drama: All of that stands as a contrast to remind me to appreciate what I have that is good in my life. Despite (or on some level, because of) the rough days back around my birthday this past June/July, I think I have never been happier than I have been in 2010. It was an amazing year for me (and yes, I already mark it off as being done, since Samhain was the last day of the year, and all you heathens are still waiting for December 31.) HA!
Lately I have made it a priority to make more time throughout the day to reconnect with my spirituality. It has repaid me well: I haven’t felt this optimistic, empowered, and confident since the Summer/Autumn of 2005 (which is when I met my last boyfriend – you know, the one who defrauded me for $30k and cheated on me with 20-30 men while I was working multiple jobs to support the both of us). But that was then, and this is now. I just paid of my Lasik surgery (the best money I have EVER spent), and so I own my eyeballs free and clear now (and they actually work, too!). I am so freaking excited to have paid yet another debt down to ZERO! Anyway, I find that re-establishing my sense of self has made it far less likely that others can get me down. On Twitter today, someone I was following as a compliment for following me first made the following statement: “Every time I get horny I just think about AIDS and I go back to normal.” That sentiment betrays a hypocritical attitude on many levels, coming from someone who blogs about sexuality. My response was simply this: ” 🙁 ” His response to me was: “It made my day that a hooker thought my attitude disgusting! LOL”
I didn’t get mad. I just unfollowed him. It really is as easy as that. I’m not upset now. I mention it only as an example of how I feel responsible to myself and my own emotions, without being mired in guilt for distancing myself from immature ugliness. I really don’t have time for silly, stupid people. If you are so insensitive as that, then you really don’t deserve to know me. Your loss.
And this brings me back to some sentiments I have expressed repeatedly on this blog: 1) Pride is self-love based on truth, whereas arrogance is self-love based on nothing, and 2) Devon’s platinum rule: “Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.” Judgmental, hateful, insecure people are not going to be welcome here, if they seek to hurt others to aggrandize themselves. Keep that poison to yourself, thanks. You can disagree with me all day long (as many have done over the years), so long as you keep it civil.
To end on an introspective note, here are my Meditations. I have seven, one for each aspect of my integrated self. If they give you a structure that helps you, please use them in your own way. When you get what you want, please let me know! 🙂
In my quest to attract that which I want and deserve, I intend to focus on the following very specific desires:
- PHYSICAL: I am maintaining or improving, as well as learning to see and appreciate, the beauty in me that so many others already exalt, and I am humbly luxuriating in that Gift.
- SPIRITUAL: I am re-establishing a variety of meditative practices and reconnecting to my journey along the Path.
- INTELLECTUAL: I am expanding my mind by reading, writing, conversing with a variety of people, learning new languages and skills, and researching new compositions.
- EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL: I am attuning to my inner self and understanding better those stressors that cause me duress, so that I can better maintain balance and clarity; and I am understanding those impulses at a deeply intuitive level, so that I can help others as much as myself.
- SOCIAL: I am improving the networking for the dance company, so that a large and enthusiastic following begins coming to our performances across a larger geographic region.
- SEXUAL: I am attracting and having safe, passionate sexual experiences with men who are able to access, with me, our mutual intensities.
- FINANCIAL: I am going to be unsecured-debt free by my birthday of 2012. I am accomplishing this by maintaining or increasing my net income until I retire, but by seeing fewer clients who book longer sessions.