Dance of the fickle dick… er, Richard
by Devon on Dec.03, 2008, under Appearance, Humor, Hurtful episodes, Identity, Love, Positivity
Once in college I walked into Wal-Mart (not something I do very often mind you) at Easter, and lo and behold: Peeps were on sale. There are like four or five in a box, and the boxes were sealed into a block of four boxes. I bought and ate a block of Peeps in less than five minutes. I was okay… at first. What next ensued was a rapid sugar high, whereupon I wrote the following “poem:”
“Dance of the Fickle Peep”
Oh, fickle peep!
Why doest thou flit hither and thither so?
Art thou mad?
No! Thou art simply puffy…
Thine grit is so sweet -
Make love to my tummy, O Peep!
Oh yes, your eyeballs shall be plucked…
your body burned.
Ahem… I never said it was good. (The last two lines are a reference to the way my friend Becky eats Peeps: she rips their eyeballs off first, then she roasts them with a cigarette lighter before she eats them, all while making calamity noises in her throat.) Anyway, the reason I bring all this up is because sometimes that overwhelming roller coaster of emotions hits me, regardless of Peeps or no Peeps. If I’m already feeling sensitive, then everything that happens during that window of time is magnified and exploded out exponentially (whether that means I get deliriously happy or abysmally negative matters on how I started and what happens: context matters, but it gets blurred).
The reason I explain that is because of what happened at Swinging Richards last Saturday: I was the only dancer there at one point toward the beginning of the night. Matt, the manager who made me feel so horrible several months ago (but who has since apologized in his own way by flattering me, flirting with me, and calling me affectionate names), was oogling me silently. When I was about to pass him he said, “You have such a hot little body. Let me feel it.” He rubbed his hand up and down my abs and chest. “Very nice…”
I was like, WHUH?! He also asked Scotty why I have such a hard time talking to him. I’m beginning to wonder if I didn’t completely invent the entire problem by overreacting to his comments last May? Am I just an overly moody ‘mo, or is something about all this not a tad bit confusing? I need this man’s approval, and not just as my boss. I think all this betrays some kind of unacknowledged crush, and it makes me feel juvenile. (Oh, and I do have an acknowledged crush as well – but he lives 3,000 miles away… I guess that makes him safe. Hahaha)
8 Comments for this entry
Leave a Reply
-
KNOW YOUR STATUS!
To encourage people to get tested for HIV, Syphillis, and other STD's, I am going to keep my results current and public: HIV- and STD free as of FEBRUARY 3, 2011.
December 3rd, 2008 on 12:23 pm
Was this “event in May” one of the first times Richard met you?
Perhaps he was passing a face value judgment and assumed the hot guy with the abs is probably a stuck up ass… so he threw the comment out to take you down a peg.
And even if not, maybe he been around your quite a bit more now and has developed a crush – now he knows not just the package, but what’s inside…
Me thinks sir Richard be smitten
Oh and peeps – seriously, aren’t they just compacted cotton candy?
I can barely eat a Krispy Kreme without a sugar rush!
December 3rd, 2008 on 1:25 pm
sometimes i think he likes me – he blushes if i unexpectedly say something sexy to him as a test. as for his comment in may – he’d known me for a year when he said i was fat. so, i dunno. when i finally went back last month he was much nicer, and has gotten progressively nicer since then. i’m just going to enjoy being in his good graces and hope for the best.
oh, and peeps are not “just” compacted cotton candy… they are god’s presence in this otherwise dreary realm of cnn and fox news bytes.
December 3rd, 2008 on 4:10 pm
omg, i love peeps!!! however, the sugar in them would send me into a diabetic coma these days…….yes, there is a god, because the peeps now come sugar free and sweetened with splenda.
as for the manager having or not having a crush on you…..i can’t imagine anyone not having a crush on you, you are a very nice guy who also happens to be one hot buff stud. if he doesn’t long for you, then check his pulse and call 911, because he has stopped breathing and his heart has ceased to pump.
December 4th, 2008 on 5:07 pm
Have you always experienced these mood swings or is it something fairly recent? Likely some residual traumas from earlier in life that are never fully resolved. You must be exhausted emotionally at the end of some days though.
December 5th, 2008 on 12:02 pm
i had them continuously from the time i was able to remember until i was about 22. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder ii (i suppose the “2″ in the name is to make me sound more interesting, but i don’t know how bipolar i and bipolar ii are different, except that “ii” might mean you spend more time in one extreme as opposed to the other. if that’s the case, i spend more time down than up). at any rate, serzone and xyprexa are satanic chemicals and i refuse to submit myself to their evil ever again. i try to just remain too busy to be able to focus on my mood swings. i’ve been fine for quite some time now – the only time i experience the huge swings are when i feel out of control of some scenario or another (and since i’m always in control of everything that has ceased to be a problem. such is the advantage of being a gay superhero).
February 6th, 2009 on 7:21 am
My mom always said that the boys who are a little mean to you on the playground are that way because they like you.
February 6th, 2009 on 10:13 am
i just reread this entry, because you commented on it and i needed to know what it said… and i have no idea who the crush 3,000 miles away is… sick sick sick… LOL LOL i’m going to hell.
February 6th, 2009 on 3:59 pm
Aw honey, you just have so much love to give, some of it is bound to get misplaced.
That’s what I say to myself, anyway.