Devon Hunter

The etiquette of preparing for anal sex: Being the receptive partner

by on Jun.14, 2010, under Career Advice, Etiquette

I have been asked a few times about this, and I have avoided talking about it, not because I’m squeamish, but because I wanted to treat it with some delicacy (much as I would want my insertive partner to treat my delicate little hoo-haw with some delicacy as well). I am writing this for a few practical reasons:

  1. I want clients new to the experience of being the receptive partner to arrive at our rendez-vous properly and thoroughly prepared
  2. I may offer something that is safer or more comfortable than what others may already be doing
  3. I may be doing something improperly, and I want readers to offer a better method, if necessary

Before I begin, I would also point readers to the following article:

http://manhuntdaily.com/2009/05/dr-queerlove-bottoming-101/

Although I feel that article (and the accompanying discussion) says basically everything that can be said, the particular questions I receive have to do with prepping for the long haul on set while filming a video. Everything in that Manhunt article sounds good to me, but in a nut-shell, this is what I do when I know I am going to be the receptive partner over the course of a long period of time (as quoted from my recent response on the post about “Fresh off the Vine”):

“… I begin fasting the night before. If a scene is set for noon on Saturday, then I finish eating whatever I am having by 10 pm on Friday, and it is probably something very lean, clean, and manageable (i.e. I had sushimi [sushi without rice] every meal while shooting for Falcon 2 weeks ago). I prep in the morning from about 10 am – 11:15 am (which includes time for a shower and skin care), arrive on set around 11:45 am, and I don’t eat until the scene is finished. I don’t know whether or not everyone is equally fastidious (or if they even have to be – I know my body, not anyone else’s). Each person has a different metabolism. But that is what I do (and although it may sound morbid, my years of being anorexic have taught me how to get through the hunger pangs).”

To clarify a few points:

  • There are some days it’s just not going to happen, and you will experience the law of diminishing returns. Repeatedly flushing the bowel, on some days, will not yield much clearer water but will aggravate the bowel more and more with each attempt. You have to decide if the clarity of the water is “good enough,” or if you are simply going to forgo penetration that day. If you start cramping, regardless of the clarity of the water coming out of you, you have done far too much and need to stop and reconsider if today is the day for intercourse.
  • It is a VERY BAD idea to use full dosages of enemas over the long haul, and NEVER more than once in a 24-hour period. If you want/need to use a premixed enema, I suggest the Fleet pre-mixed, disposable enema in a 4.5-ounce bottle. It contains Sodium Phosphate. HOWEVER: It is best to not over-do the prep work, or you will be at greater risk for injury or infection from inflaming the bowel and disrupting the flora of the intestines. If you use an enema, use 1/3 of the bottle that I just described (or you could pour all the enema mix out, and refill the bottle with luke warm tap water – the residue from the enema will still work, but will be much less aggressive).
  • You want to do as much as possible in as few steps and in as little time as possible, so as to avoid inflammation.
  • If you decide to use a water stream, rather than an anal bowl douche, DO NOT PUT THE HOSE FROM THE SHOWER INSIDE YOURSELF. Even with the water on low it will be propelled through the plumbing of your bathroom into your body at a pressure that can rupture your insides. If you want a continuous stream experience, be certain to use a product that collects water in a reservoir of some type and then trickles the water through a hose and inside your bowel. DO NOT USE DIRECT JET STREAMS OF WATER.
:, , , , , , , , ,

7 Comments for this entry

  • Bryan
    June 14th, 2010 on 5:03 pm

    Hey Devon:

    Question (and forgive me if you mentioned this and I missed it). Would you say that the above prep is more the result of the standards required in your professional life? Or, would you prep in as detailed a manner regardless of whether it was for personal or professional reasons? I ask because (though I haven’t had much anal sex at all) it’s an area of sex that I would enjoy occassionally were I in a relationship. However, the degree of preparation involved often turns me off to the idea. I suppose if you know your going to have sex, then you’d have the time to prepare. But that’s rarely been the case for me, as it’s usually happened rather spontaneously.

    Just curious.

    Thanks!

    Reply
  • Devon
    June 14th, 2010 on 5:34 pm

    The above prep involving the prolonged fasting is for when I will be shooting a video all day. Otherwise I go for what is described in the ManHunt article. But, yes – it does presuppose that you know up front you will be having sex. The best I can suggest for spontaneous butt sex (the best surprise you never knew you needed), is to eat a healthy diet with a good amount of fiber and plenty of water. Then, at least, you should (conceivably) be able to excuse yourself for a quick minute and handle yo’ bidnizz.

    Reply
  • Bryan
    June 15th, 2010 on 11:04 am

    Ha! Awesome. This is helpful. Thanks! Seems like the answers should be obvious but they’re not always (particularly without knowing too many gay dudes). Thanks again.

    Reply
  • T
    June 15th, 2010 on 5:59 pm

    Thanks for the insight. One thing I do is after cleaning out, I use some Prep H and it soothes the skin. However do not use Prep H if you are using condoms as the oils in the Prep H could/will breakdown the latex condom. I use the shower shot and pretty much follow the above routine. It does become tedious at times but is worth it in the end. One thing I have discovered is if you don’t clean out then the “residue” can be abrasive and this in turn can cause some irritation.

    Reply
  • Pete
    June 17th, 2010 on 1:16 pm

    Thank you! This is very helpful, as is the manhuntdaily link you provided. Even though it is a “delicate” subject, it’s something that any guy who wants to participate in anal sex needs to understand. I was totally unaware of the “flora” that normally inhabits my large intestine, but I can appreciate the need to protect that. A friend who is an exclusive bottom told me that he does not use the Fleet liquid because he feels it leaves you feeling as though you have to go to the bathroom all during sex. I have not had that same experience, but I recently have started using the just-emptied Fleet bottle and refilling it with tap water, as you suggest, for a second round, and I am finding that to be helpful in really getting ready for the adventure, at least for feeling more confident that there will be less chance for an “accident” to occur!

    Regarding timing, usually I quit eating at least 3 hours before, and prep about 1.5 hour before meeting a guy; however, I recently met-up one evening with a guy right after I attended a concert. He was totally cool with my prepping in his bathroom (both with cleaning out and with taking a quick shower) before we got started, and I would say the total time I needed was only about 10 to 12 minutes. Sure made the sex a lot more comfortable and fun!

    After some really painful–and thus totally unenjoyable–early experiences as a bottom, I now know that the most important things about enjoying “receptive” anal sex is for there to be plenty of lube involved, and MOST importantly, that the top go VERY slowly in going in. I mean really, really slow. Makes all the difference in the world.

    Reply
  • Jon
    June 27th, 2010 on 1:41 pm

    That manhunt daily article was great, but I’m confused as to why the author discourages silicon-based lubes for anal sex. Silicon lubes are totally condom-friendly. They’re not oil-based, and don’t have the degrading effect on latex that oil does. For myself, I’ve found that most water-based lubes cause a slight burning feeling when I’m getting fucked, and I don’t get that with silicon lubes.

    (I actually did a controlled experiment to learn this. When I noticed that burning feeling, I wasn’t certain what was causing it — I feared it might be the condoms we were using or maybe the lube. So I worked with a very helpful partner to test out all the possibilities. We tried 4 different condoms and 4 different lubes, and he fucked me with every combination and wrote down my responses. And I was blindfolded, so I had no way to know what he was using when. After we went through 16 condoms, the results were clear — water-based lubes irritated me, and silicon didn’t. Better living through science, kids!)

    (The one thing to know about silicon lubes is that apparently they will degrade silicon toys. So for those toys, use some other lube.)

    Reply
  • Devon
    June 27th, 2010 on 8:40 pm

    Now that you mention it I am little confused. I thought I understood that silicon based is for condoms/anal sex, because silicon doesn’t disturb intesinal flora levels (and thus doesn’t increase risk for opportunistic infections), whereas water based is for hand/vaginal sex because it doesn’t increase the risk for some other type of friction related problem. I am all turned around. Does anyone know, and can anyone provide links for this info??

    Reply

1 Trackback or Pingback for this entry

Leave a Reply

Archives