Devon Hunter

In my video interview I mentioned having clients who become friends. There are several with whom I speak on a regular basis, and a few who stick around enough to get the skinny on the stuff I don’t write here. Well, there is one in particular who said something very smart to me in an email the other day:

“In my experience, people of average emotional intelligence can clearly see what’s going on in other people’s relationships, but only people at the genius level can see what’s going on in their own.”

To put this in context: When I tried to say goodbye to Matt he suddenly made it very clear that this was not what he wanted at all, and he apologized for making it difficult to get to know him. Evidently he has defense mechanisms as complicated and weird as mine and anyone else’s. But I thanked Jackcali for some previous insights, and admitted that he was right and I was wrong (hence the quote above).

I wanted to look at his observation again, and to share it with others. It’s pretty common knowledge that people are often great at giving advice but not at accepting their own wisdom (*rolls eyes, whistles, and shuffles feet innocently). That is common enough; however, I really liked the eloquence in what Jackcali wrote. There aren’t any mirror metaphors. No Gump-isms about chocolate. There isn’t anything but gracious intelligence in it.

If you want to understand yourself, you really do have to go beyond being an observer. You have to inhabit the improvements you envision for others. That can be scary, since you have to first admit you can improve. But what is life, if not an extended chance at making yourself better?? This is why I not only prefer making friends of my connections, but really come to need it.

Thanks, Jackcali! xoxo

PS
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