Devon Hunter

Dear Devon,

So I was interested in getting to know a little more about you. I was an entertainer as well (ie: a dancer), but never did porn… was offered..  (thoughtfully)…as well as a musician…

I wondered: Is it hard for you to have relationships, because you’re a Sean Cody boy? And, when you do, having sex with so many guys that don’t mean anything, how is different with the person you ARE in a relationship with? Does it affect that person? Do they wind up having issues with it?

Would be cool to know you…

- luis.

Hi Luis,

First, thanks for taking the time to write a thoughtful note. I appreciate it when people talk to me, rather than at me. So, that was very nice.

It’s hard for me to have relationships, regardless of the Sean Cody videos, escorting, and exotic dancing. I have never had a good one, so I essentially made a pretty firm commitment to not bothering with them anymore. Relationships have always cost me far more than they give back. The decision to be an adult entertainer was made after I asked myself (with tears in my eyes), “But how will I find someone after this?” And my response, “If it’s the right person it won’t matter, and none of the others from before my adult entertaining were worth the hassle.” What that effectively means: I have always been better when I’m by myself, and doing Sean Cody was my way of sealing off myself from dating. Now… you want to date me? Really?? Do you REALLY want to date me??? If someone can know all this and still love me, then he is the one I want. I did this not only to make it harder for me, but harder for the “right one(s)” as well. Trial by fire, baby. I want the real thing or nothing at all. I’m intense like that.

So, to address your next question about the difference between sex with clients and sex with someone who “matters.” First: Everyone I have sex with matters. But I understand what you mean. How is it different when I’m emotionally invested? WAY WAY WAY better. I can make someone cum. That isn’t any real big skill. I pride myself on making people feel beautiful, whether I’m “invested” or not. But when I am connected deeply, the sex transforms itself. It’s nothing I “do.” It’s got more to do with what I become. But yes, there’s an emmense difference between the two. And it usually breaks my heart, and is the reason I don’t go there. I’ve made the mistake twice this year of letting people get beyond the velvet rope, and it won’t happen again for a while (person A, person B and the fallout of person B). It’s not that I don’t love. It’s that I love too much. That’s what I need protecting from. Not from others, but from myself.

As far as my career affecting others: I think it affected the two I accidentally bonded with, in that they used me as a trophy fuck. I mean, it’s fine. (No, it’s not fine at all.) But it says more about them than it does me. I slipped. My bad. I didn’t mean to actually like you…

But there you have it: No one wants what they can have. Psychologically speaking, we attach more value to what we have to earn. We attach no value to what is taken for granted. It may seem that I have created an emptiness around me, but (in fact) I have made myself all the more desireable for the right one(s), because he/they can’t have me. I’m a nice person. He/They should deserve me, and he/they should make me deserve him/them.