Devon Hunter

So, Secrets has a particularly annoying habit of projecting bareback porn on the walls (and sometimes they go so far as displaying fisting), which is replete with all sorts of philosophical and business model problems in my (not very) humble opinion. It’s made even more hypocritical by the fact that there is (finally) a FUK!T condom dispenser at the entrance (Thanks, Matt!!).

Sundays are “retro” night, and the DJ’s spin material from the 70′s, 80′s, and early 90′s (Lord, help me: “Escapade” by Janet Jackson is retro??? When the hell did that happen?). As a consequence, in “keeping with the theme,” the powers-that-be feel inclined to show pre-condom “classics.” As if the hair product and eyeliner aren’t bad enough, the videos are of poor quality and reinforce everything that is destructive about gay sexuality. It should be pointed out that there isn’t an RIP mention in the end credits for all the actors/models who have since died as a result of making the very videos that are being projected on the walls. Another question: Aside from the obvious problems with the video, and the fact that they distract from the dancers, does buying these videos include a license to use them in public spaces (regardless of whether D.C. law makes it illegal or not)?

But the “Oh, snap!” moment comes when Scott, the photographer for the FUK!T campaign, said something to a staff person about the porn not having condoms. “It’s retro night!” the individual gayly exclaimed. “Oh,” Scott quipped, “maybe you guys should hand out the retro meds from the 80′s that didn’t work against this retro virus.” PWNED.