The online diary of a gay courtesan.

The myth of the unobtainable straight man: An open rant to fags who fixate on breeders

It is time to look for a day job to supplement my dance income. I’m tired of depending these last six months on the whim of patrons. This week has been the single worst I’ve had in nearly a year… It’s so bad that I’ve considered some options that, for me, aren’t options. And, to top it off, there’s a long-standing issue that is coming more to the fore as the economy goes from bad to poor…

There is a particular fetish that has been built up to the point that it is endemic amongst gay men, and, to be frank, it’s completely pissing me off. It’s particularly bad in Atlanta. And I’m going to rant about it. And if you don’t want to read it, then you better come back another day. Because I’m just about to the point, after several years of brushing it off with “Well, everyone has their preferences,” of telling gay men to go fuck themselves.

People want what they can’t have.

Bullshit! They want what they’ve been told they want.

Gay men have been programmed by a homophobic society to believe that straight men are the pennacle of sexuality/sexual desire/atractiveness (which fits, given that this affords preference to the heterosexual men who create and reinforce this ludicrous supposition). Gay men have been damaged by this homophobic society to the point that they can’t even be nice to each other, because we haven’t been given the opportunity to learn how to conceptualize anything beyond the stereotypical hook ups that straight men corner us into accepting as our lot as the dysfunctional perverts they think we are (and which we’ve too often become). Also, because there are no institutions that empower same-sex desire/love/relationships that balance out the institutions that disempower same-sex desire/love/relationships, there is no wide-scale acceptance amongst most gay men that it’s even a true possibility. No, it’s not enough that a few states in New England have finally legalized gay marriage in the last year or two. So don’t even put that up as an argument, or I will have to slap the taste out of your mouth.

And so, here we are. Left with the self-loathing homophobia that powers gay libidos. All these gay slots and tabs looking for straight counterparts. Well, excuse me, but fuck you. BrokeStraightGuys.com? Fuck you! FirstGaySex.com? Fuck you too!

I was told to my face last night that if I “were to just be a straight guy” I’d be “perfect” and then this patron “could finally get a lap dance” from me. Go get therapy, asshole. That says a whole lot more about you than it does me.

And since I’m being completely honest here:

  1. Straight men ARE obtainable. Look around, you stupid fags! Seventy-five to ninety percent of the men in gay porn are STRAIGHT. The same proportion are straight in gay clubs with male dancers. Don’t delude yourself anymore. For being unobtainable, they sure look pretty obtainable to me with their legs up in the air. “I’d have to get alot of money to do anything gay.” Oh? What does this mean, breeder? That you think it contemptable, nasty, dirty, perverted? And so then, stupid fags, HOW IS IT DESIREABLE TO SEE A STRAIGHT GUY DO THAT WHICH HE HATES? How does this build up your gay identity to demean a straight man who is only tolerating your loathsome self because of money? And you think that’s hot? You think it’s hot to see a straight dude cringe with pain and disgust as he’s getting ram-fucked for $x??? You’re worse than the straight guy. Get out of my sight.
  2. If all the straight men in gay adult entertainment were removed from it, the industry would be bereft of talent, because there wouldn’t be hardly anyone left doing it. And do you want to know why? Because YOU keep buying into the utterly fucked up notion that straight men are better than gay men.
  3. Here’s a wake up call: Most of the breeders you give all your money to walk away from you, removing their smiling faces from your presence, and then go talk shit about you once you’re out of earshot. Period. End of discussion. I have held my tongue for a very long time, but I’m about to the point of calling them out when they talk shit in front of me about YOU. And if that doesn’t work I’m going to go to the patrons and tell them what is being said about them. I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to put up with this anymore. I think it’s fair to level the playing field: I’m just an undesireable homo? Okay. Fine. Well the straight guys are dickheads who generally despise you, even though they’re the ones “lowering themselves” in the first place. Now who’s more desireable? Oh? It’s still the straight guy? You know what, I don’t want your money after all. Use it to get some Zyprexa. You need it.
  4. To deny you are oppressed is to aid in your oppression, but to pay for your oppression with your own effort and resources renders you a slave. A fully neurotic slave. Get therapy. (Get that Zyprexa I just mentioned.) Get a life. Get out of my face.
  5. “But I like men who act like men.” You’re going to say that to me?? Right into my motherfucking face?! Fuck you! How about I punch you in your goddamned mouth for saying that to me? Would that make me butch enough to get a lap dance out of your pansy ass? Nevermind, I don’t give lap dances to fags. Only straight guys. There, how’s that? How stupid does that sound? Now try hearing it from the other direction, and think about why I’m so pissed.
  6. The straight entertainers will NEVER be yours. Not even sexually. It doesn’t matter how many times you pay to touch them. It doesn’t matter how many times you pay to suck their cocks. It doesn’t matter how many times you pay to have sex with them. It doesn’t matter how many times you pay for anything. You are paying for their tricked-out rides, for their girlfriend’s boob job, for their steroids, for their babies, and for their contempt. You are wasting your time, money, and hope when you give them to straight men. I’ve been saying this throughout my entire blog, even going back to almost the very beginning with “Gay men fawning over straight dancers.”
  7. You are far, far, far, far, far more likely to get your cock in a straight guy’s ass at Swinging Richards than a gay one’s. If you hear of someone getting bareback fucked in VIP, who is it? One of the gay dancers? No. Never. Not once in two years have I seen a gay dancer get fired/suspended from that club for having sex in VIP. So then, here’s where the logic loses its legs: If straight guys are so fucking unobtainable, why are they the only ones putting out? You think you can go to Blake’s and pick me up for free on a Wednesday night? Fuck you, you’d better save up your money to buy one of the unobtainable straight guys you like so much, because you’ll NEVER get this proudly flaming fag to do in VIP what those nasty straight tricks do as their default setting. Who’s unobtainable now, asshole?

17 comments

1 Big Daddy 'C" { 05.16.09 at 2:06 pm }

I want the names dammit!! Give me names…
I feel as though I spend my fair share of time and money in that place. There are guys in there that for some reason or another would never get a dime much less a VIP from me. No matter what they are offering. There are a few that have approached me that I am sure were in the back bad mouthing me for something or another and of course the opening line is what they “have” for me down there. I say give me a break, I don’t spend the most money in that club, but, I do think that I am fair, polite and tip well when deserved. Others will say “on your HIS boy” well, YES I AM. So get your “I spend all my time with the ladies in the club” and then come by and bitch to me that you didn’t get a tip ass away from me!
Great post Devon, you are not “crazy” 🙂 at all. As always you are telling it like it is and saying what everyone is thinking but no one is MAN enough to say! Love ya…

2 Jennifer { 05.16.09 at 7:48 pm }

Hell yeah, baby. You laid it down.

3 Tom { 05.16.09 at 8:24 pm }

Good for you Devon! I hate the word straight. Str8 acting blah blah blah. Let you pay for them for sex but oh if they kissed that is the most deadly sin. When I hear that word or see it, its an automatic turn off. I hate that our community uses that word. They could at least use masculine. Also the ones that will suck your cock or let you fuck them, but then see you on the street the next day and not even give you the time of day. Afraid that someone will see them speak to you. Its just a nod or hello, does not mean I want to jump your bones right there.

I hate to say this to you but you are becoming more older and wise. I think your thoughts on the subject are good. But not all people are bad, and I have to keep that thought.

Good for you! Don’t put up with it.

4 Steve { 05.16.09 at 8:40 pm }

I grew up in a very rough, redneck textile mill town south of Chattanooga. I’ve heard all about what kind of brutality straight men can do to gays. I do not have any fantasies about straight men. I very seldom go to Richard’s, but when I do, it is usually because I have been invited by my friend Barry (almost his real name.) Barry is fixated on a straight dancer there named Stephen. Stephen is beautiful, and a time or two I have accompanied Barry to the back, when HE pays for a more private dance (not in a private room, but in the back.) I have said to Barry more than once, as we were leaving, “You know that guy is just laughing at us, don’t you? You know he feels NOTHING when he rubs his limp dick on you, don’t you?” The very few times I have “gone to the back” on MY money, it has been only after I have talked with the dancer and tried to determine, as best as I could, if he is gay. I don’t go back with straight dancers, just because, being an empath, I can feel the contempt even if they are trying to hide it. I don’t go to Richard’s very often because it is too damn dark in there, and way too many dancers are straight. I much prefer “friends with benefits.” The only good thing **I** get when I go back to see Stephen with Barry, is that it makes Barry horny as hell……..and then we go back to my place. And if, in a moment of passion, he then screams “Stephen!!!” ….well, that’s my name, too. 🙂

5 "T" { 05.17.09 at 11:38 am }

When I recently went to Secrets, I was more interested in the gay dancers. Ones that I felt were straight, I just couldn’t get interested in or excited about. I don’t get the “I only love straight guys” mentality either.

6 Steve { 05.17.09 at 2:20 pm }

It could be possible that, in reality, most gay guys really do like other gay guys. And, let’s face it, unless you are a total creep or 300-year-old troll, if you are a gay guy it is not that difficult to find another willing gay guy for intimacy. Perhaps it is a minority of gay guys who are attracted to straight guys, and perhaps they are vastly over-represented in strip clubs where it is known that straight guys are dancing naked, because, where else are they going to get to watch straight guys dancing naked? The percentage of straight guys who are WILLING to dance naked in front of gay guys in exchange for money has got to be rather small, I would think. If a gay guy were to go out onto the busy streets of Anytown, USA and start approaching the straight guys asking them to dance naked for him, I don’t think very many of them would respond kindly. So, perhaps a strip club is a magnet for straight guys willing to dance naked for money, and likewise a magnet for gay guys who want to see naked straight guys. And perhaps both of those types of guys represent the minority in their respective communities. Maybe the gay guys who want to be with other gay guys are out doing just that, instead of sitting inside Richard’s.

Just a guess……

7 Justin { 05.18.09 at 1:27 pm }

A-fucking-men. I’ve become freakin’ nauseated by this ‘gay for pay’ phenomenon. I mean, for the love of god, is it so impossible or such a buzz kill for the customer if these guys and/or their promoters admit they at least functionally bisexual?

I can’t help but wonder if it isn’t also some inability to let go of that guy you crushed on in high school. Are we seriously still playing out the desperate fantasy that this guy is suddenly going to tell you he’s gay too and has had a crush on you all along as well?

Give me a confident, secure in his sexuality, guy who is actually into guys over a ‘broke straight boy’ any day. I guess I just have too much self-respect.

8 Mike { 05.25.09 at 3:16 pm }

I hear ya… My roommate and I have been to Swinging Richards the past 4 saturdays (sounds sketchy, I know). And of those 4 times, my roommate has come home with a guy twice. She didn’t pay or anything, but still…If it’s going to be billed as a gay male strip joint, shouldn’t there be some gay males??? She kept going to see how many guys she could get…I kept going so that I could find the elusive gay male stripper. Everyone I’ve gotten a lap dance from has been straight and yet they always say “oh yeah 99.9% of the guys that dance here are gay” to which I say “Oh, who? Point them out.” and they look around and say “oh they must not be working tonight, come back next time”. The last guy I got a lap dance from actually told me “Hey, can you get that girl to come with you (my roomate)…I wanna be hard for your dance”… I wanted to just say “fuck off” but whatever, I just didn’t pay attention to his dance and he seemed pissed because I should be drooling…So I won’t bother with lap dances anymore… What’s the point? I felt bad for this one guy who bought that special 2 lap dances @ midnight thing…only for the dude to stay clothed…pull out his dick a couple times and shake it, take his money and leave all within like 3 minutes…where he then ran over to a table full of girls and was exchanging numbers with one of the women. I don’t understand why he’s even allowed to dance if he can’t even fake it. So until I figure out who’s gay…I won’t bother with the lap dances… I’ll just stare at the straight men and smile because I’m getting a ‘free’ show…To hell with paying for their girlfriend’s boob job.

9 Devon { 05.25.09 at 10:26 pm }

99.9% of the dancers are definitely NOT gay at that club. that is an abject lie. off the top of my head, the regular gay dancers at swinging richards include: austin; tristan; matthew (bisexual, leaning gay); jack; preston; and… ummm… ummm… uh. hm. is that all right now? out of 60-70 dancers on staff, is that really all of us? hmmmm… surely there are others i’ve just forgotten to mention… huh. no. i think that’s just about all of them. there’s got to be a few i’m too tired to remember. but you get the point… there are many who claim to be “bisexual,” and maybe they are to a limited degree, but it is heavily weighted towards the straight/paysexual/buysexual type.

10 Michael { 06.22.09 at 12:19 am }

I’ve always been of the mind that, in the porn industry, the only material marketed to gay men that consistently features gay men is of the “Broke Straight Boys” variety. First time fucks that don’t require so much as a finger to get warmed up for a 9″ member. It’s like David Blaine Street Magic!

I do agree with all of your points, most especially those which center on the deeply warped mentality of homosexuals putting a higher premium on heterosexuals than themselves. However, I think there’s one overlooked aspect: the fantasy of “turning” someone. So many people have their entire self-worth tied to their sexuality that the very idea of someone switching teams for them, as it were, is the ultimate endeavor. But I’m not even really talking about gay men going after straights here – more often than not, I see this in relationships between heterosexual women and gay men. Naturally, this is a fetish that goes in all directions with all types of folk, but I don’t think that the gays’ obsession with outsiders is any more dark and disturbing than the rest of society’s. Different, but also exactly the same.

However, none of this matters at all. What really matters is this: straight men are lousy in bed. No matter how overwhelming this infatuation may be, no matter how hot the masturbatory fantasy is, the reality just does not live up to the hype. For reasons passing understanding, I’ve always attracted straight men. Nearly exclusively. And I’ve never gotten a particularly good lay out of it once. Ultimately, I think we can all agree, regardless of how sociologically, psychologically and intellectually pathetic this desire is, the absolute worst part is that it usually leads to a mediocre sexual experience.

-The New Medusa

11 Tom the Canuck { 07.23.09 at 12:01 am }

Well, Devon, I guess the ‘I’m going to expect the best from people’ really isn’t easy. I’ve been trying it for, well, let’s say 40 years, with a handful of happy results. Most of the time, it’s disappointment. I can’t believe anyone would tell you you’d be more perfectly desirable if only you were someone else! Yikes! What a dickwad! But I must remember that these are probably the guys who don’t flush the toilet in the men’s after taking a dump. They probably live alone, have no real friends, and can’t be one to anyone, either. Their chatting is always about what they want, but never about who they are(they don’t know, or maybe they do know but don’t want to talk about it). What they don’t realize is that their behaviour tells the story better than a book. They are disconnected from themselves, from others and from reality. They had the humanity kick out of them years ago and now they wander around in a daze of self-delusion and unrealistic fantasy. Don’t let these douche bags wear you out. Take time off to be with people you love and trust. You won’t be running away, or burying your feelings. An intelligent person like you could and would never do that. Instead, you’d be renewing your inner core of self-respect. I’m sorry to say the douche bags aren’t going away. They seem to reproduce like rabbits! But you know you’re better, stronger and more grounded than they’ll ever be(unless they wake up). Stay strong, Devon. You’re too wonderful to let yourself be defined by idiots!

12 SH { 10.22.09 at 1:11 am }

Wake up, people. These so-called “straight” guys are clearly guys who have issues about their sexuality and don’t want to (or cannot) identify themselves as gay. There are a lot of other money-making avenues that don’t involve being in a homosexual environment. The same goes for “straight” men who go to a gay bar to socialise.

And here we are buying into it, defending and confirming their “straight” status for them, and getting ourselves worked up about it. Are we really that gullible? It’s about time we used our common sense.

13 PJW { 02.16.10 at 1:17 am }

Devon:
You ROCK, Nice to see your in Dallas this week. I wish I had seen this sooner. Mark Dalton is a GOD with the GAYS in this city. Since the 1st day I saw him dance, before I knew who he was, I could tell there was something off. I said that to my BFF and then all of a sudden he gets arrested for beating his wife or girlfriend, found with controlled stuff, the order of this story goes one forever. He gets out, the local rag is excited they get the exclusive, OH he will never have sex and on and on and on. I have people that will bring his name up and I just say stop right there, I am no saint but he is playing us.

I have not been out for ages so I could not tell you what the dancer situation is in Dallas. Actually if I go any where it is the Eagle where I stand out like a flashing red light. Oh I have been told by gays I need to butch it up, act more straight, I know I am not considered manly enough to date. I am who I am, a 40+ Bipolar Gay Male trying to get his life back on track due to what my illness has done to me.

Do you want to know who I get the most respect from, Straight Actors in the Dallas Theater Community. Shocked I know, I jokingly started to volunteer figuring out I would at least get laid, I pick the only theater company that is straight, not by choice, just how it has evolved, and the type of theater company it is alot of gays are scared off. I can happily say this has changed in the last few years for us. Gay actors are stepping up, coming for auditions and getting cast because they are the better choice. I have gotten very friendly with these few gay actors who have hit our stage and it is always a joy and please to see them, not told I have to butch it up.

As for Porn I agree, when I start to hear that so and so is doing his 1st anal (straight dude who cares, Mark Dalton I don’t care.) Zeb how did this one happen I am still at a loss for that one. And he does his first fuck scene with a major studio. OK, not something I would buy or watch. That kinda guy does nothing for me. And they are proudly running around shouting from the roof tops I am NOT gay, but give me enough coin and you can fuck the shit out of me.

I have to stop, rambling (damn med side effect plus that it is 2.14am in the morning) I wish I had found this sooner, I would have loved to sit down and have coffee (if you had any free time) and just make each others blood pressure go up.

The guy said if you act straighter, WTF I cannot even process that.

Take care and hope your trip to Dallas is worth your while. email me if you get a free moment, this bipolar has me out of work so I am around.

Pat

14 Ty { 06.23.10 at 1:07 am }

I have been up all night, since I found the article about your fiasco with Sean Cody on QC, reading your blog and I must say this is my favorite entry so far. You are an amazing man and your logic is something I hope to have in my own life one day as I get older(I’m 20).

I just want you to know that you have changed my life DRAMATICALLY simply with your words and opinions. Keep sharing your thoughts with us Devon.

-Ty

15 PJ { 08.30.10 at 7:52 pm }

Hey Devon. So, someone posted a link to your blog about the sean cody stuff (and mason wyler, who I wish the best for) and I’ve spent almost the entire evening reading a lot of your posts. I have to say, you are an amazing guy with exceptional talent (in all your endeavors). I am sorry to hear about sean cody. I used to get subs there periodically. I wont do that anymore. I’ll stick to randy blue (though isnt that gay for pay as well?).

Anyway, this particular post really got my attention. I am apparently one of the few gay men out there who dislike the gay for pay shit. I find it offensive in a way. There are plenty of very attractive gay men out there for this (such as yourself). Yet I am also ashamed.. after reading your post here I realized I’m like a fly in that web of “they want what they are told they want,” and all the shit it brings with it. 🙁 But oddly enough whenever I find out one of my fav porn stars is gay for pay I am immediately turned off by of them. So it is very refreshing to see guys like you in the industry, guys who care, guys who are real about who they are and about what they do. You are too rare. So thank you.

16 Devon { 08.30.10 at 8:46 pm }

Thank you very much, PJ. I wrote this entry one evening while in a fit of pique, but I meant every word of it then (and although I’m not upset in this moment, I still agree with the spirit of what I was saying). At any rate, I am gay, gay, gay; I’m meeting other models who are, too; and we can serve up some hot, authentic fantasies for you. Keep supporting your LGBT models!

17 Dai { 09.29.12 at 3:46 pm }

Devon, your post makes me want to stand up and applaud! A fit of pique this may have been, but it remains a brilliant criticism of the Godawful fetishization of straight men poisoning gay life. To you, the best! x

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